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  1. #1
    elicotton is offline Associate Member
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    There was an intruder in my house last night...

    Yesterday was a busy day, I had an awsome W/O, two sessions of cardio, yard work and an "end of the school-year" party for my kids. ( Got four, ages 11,7,5 and 2.) Then I friggin stay on AR much longer than planned and end up getting to bed around midnight.

    Anyway, around 3:30 am, I wake up about to piss all over myself. I always use the kids batroom down the hall so as not to wake my wife with my manly loud pissing and other bodily noises. As I'm walking down the hall in a fog, still mostly asleep, I glance up and realize I'm about three feet away from some dude and hes coming towards me. I knew it wasn't one of my kids because all I could really make out was his head and he was taller than me. I'm 6'-0", this guy looked about 6'3" or so. In a panic, I just fukin bull rush this guy and ram my head right into his chest and lock my arms behind him, and keep the leggs churnin, just like the old football days.

    I got nothing but air! I friggin fall to the floor as hard as I've ever fell and I THOUGHT he kicked me in the head when I hit the ground! I realized I was in the kitchen by then (momentum) and jumped up and flicked on the light.

    All I saw in the hall was a half-filled Songe-Bob helium balloon from the kids party! The **** thing had partially deflated but instead of falling to the ground, it was just floating in mid-air, and the air from the ceiling fan was blowing it around! This was my **** intruder!?

    What I thought was a kick in the head was from me falling 90mph into the friggin bookcase! Today I got a Fred Flintstone like, golfball size knot on my head!

    Of course, the wife wakes up just in time to laugh her ass off, and I was so jacked I couldn't get back to sleep.

    Ah, the joys of having children around.

  2. #2
    Galoot67's Avatar
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    Hey at least it shows you u have the quick reaction God forbidding a real intruder comes into your home

  3. #3
    bad_man's Avatar
    bad_man is offline Anabolic Member
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    Bah ha ha ha ha ha. I just woke up my wife laughing so hard. Thanks dude.

  4. #4
    Babyweight's Avatar
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    Holy Cr*p did that make my night!

    LMFAO....

    It kinda makes me want to have kids!

    BW

  5. #5
    elicotton is offline Associate Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galoot67
    Hey at least it shows you u have the quick reaction God forbidding a real intruder comes into your home
    Hey bro, fight or flight kicked in and there was nowhere to run!

  6. #6
    Da Bull's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elicotton
    Yesterday was a busy day, I had an awsome W/O, two sessions of cardio, yard work and an "end of the school-year" party for my kids. ( Got four, ages 11,7,5 and 2.) Then I friggin stay on AR much longer than planned and end up getting to bed around midnight.

    Anyway, around 3:30 am, I wake up about to piss all over myself. I always use the kids batroom down the hall so as not to wake my wife with my manly loud pissing and other bodily noises. As I'm walking down the hall in a fog, still mostly asleep, I glance up and realize I'm about three feet away from some dude and hes coming towards me. I knew it wasn't one of my kids because all I could really make out was his head and he was taller than me. I'm 6'-0", this guy looked about 6'3" or so. In a panic, I just fukin bull rush this guy and ram my head right into his chest and lock my arms behind him, and keep the leggs churnin, just like the old football days.

    I got nothing but air! I friggin fall to the floor as hard as I've ever fell and I THOUGHT he kicked me in the head when I hit the ground! I realized I was in the kitchen by then (momentum) and jumped up and flicked on the light.

    All I saw in the hall was a half-filled Songe-Bob helium balloon from the kids party! The **** thing had partially deflated but instead of falling to the ground, it was just floating in mid-air, and the air from the ceiling fan was blowing it around! This was my **** intruder!?

    What I thought was a kick in the head was from me falling 90mph into the friggin bookcase! Today I got a Fred Flintstone like, golfball size knot on my head!

    Of course, the wife wakes up just in time to laugh her ass off, and I was so jacked I couldn't get back to sleep.

    Ah, the joys of having children around.

  7. #7
    DADDYDBOL's Avatar
    DADDYDBOL is offline Anabolic Member
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    wow....thats a good one....at least you didn't really hurt yourself.....

  8. #8
    mass junkie's Avatar
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    Ahh that is freaking hilarious

  9. #9
    Ryanhallmark's Avatar
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    Ohh man...I laughed.

  10. #10
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    that is great!!!!!! You got Punked...

  11. #11
    chicamahomico's Avatar
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    That is some seriously funny sh*t.

  12. #12
    barbarian's Avatar
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    lol man good one

  13. #13
    LeanMeOut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elicotton
    Yesterday was a busy day, I had an awsome W/O, two sessions of cardio, yard work and an "end of the school-year" party for my kids. ( Got four, ages 11,7,5 and 2.) Then I friggin stay on AR much longer than planned and end up getting to bed around midnight.

    Anyway, around 3:30 am, I wake up about to piss all over myself. I always use the kids batroom down the hall so as not to wake my wife with my manly loud pissing and other bodily noises. As I'm walking down the hall in a fog, still mostly asleep, I glance up and realize I'm about three feet away from some dude and hes coming towards me. I knew it wasn't one of my kids because all I could really make out was his head and he was taller than me. I'm 6'-0", this guy looked about 6'3" or so. In a panic, I just fukin bull rush this guy and ram my head right into his chest and lock my arms behind him, and keep the leggs churnin, just like the old football days.

    I got nothing but air! I friggin fall to the floor as hard as I've ever fell and I THOUGHT he kicked me in the head when I hit the ground! I realized I was in the kitchen by then (momentum) and jumped up and flicked on the light.

    All I saw in the hall was a half-filled Songe-Bob helium balloon from the kids party! The **** thing had partially deflated but instead of falling to the ground, it was just floating in mid-air, and the air from the ceiling fan was blowing it around! This was my **** intruder!?

    What I thought was a kick in the head was from me falling 90mph into the friggin bookcase! Today I got a Fred Flintstone like, golfball size knot on my head!

    Of course, the wife wakes up just in time to laugh her ass off, and I was so jacked I couldn't get back to sleep.

    Ah, the joys of having children around.



  14. #14
    SwoleCat is offline AR Hall of Fame
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    Have you hugged your balloon today?



    ~SC~

  15. #15
    abstrack's Avatar
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    ROTFL! I bet he wont break into your house again

  16. #16
    damiongage's Avatar
    damiongage is offline Anabolic Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by diablo27185
    sponge bob kicked yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! j/k bro


  17. #17
    elicotton is offline Associate Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by diablo27185
    sponge bob kicked yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! j/k bro

    Sponge Bob ended up stabbed with scissors and buried in the garbage can. He'll never harm me again.

  18. #18
    LeanMeOut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elicotton
    Sponge Bob ended up stabbed with scissors and buried in the garbage can. He'll never harm me again.



  19. #19
    juicehoe's Avatar
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    oh man i think i just woke up everyone in the house from laughing so hard!!! good times

  20. #20
    Spoon's Avatar
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    that was funny. at least it wasnt a real intruder. and you got to stab the fake one

  21. #21
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    You just made my night at work at 3am worthwhile....... SOOOO funny. Thanks Bro!!!

  22. #22
    PurePower is offline Senior Member
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    would have done the same da mn thing brotha.

  23. #23
    BOUNCER is offline Retired Vet
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    Seriously that make me laugh load.

    But I had a somewhat similar experience about 2 yrs ago when I had an intruder in my back garden. I let loose with a semi-automatic at the fvcker. I didn't hit him, but when my son got home from son a few days later he told me the story was all over the school. Bet the neighbourhood scumbags think twice next time they think about robbing one of my motorbikes.

    My brother had a similar experience, caught the guy, held a pump action to the fvckers head while he waited for my mother to ring the police. Asshole cried and begged for his life. Funny, because his bikes where never touched after that either.

  24. #24
    Big Rush's Avatar
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    i guess that beats the alternative...

  25. #25
    Slick Arrado is offline Member
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    ROTFLMFAO!! Yes, I know this thread is a couple of days old, but I just read it.

  26. #26
    TPAK's Avatar
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    Just read it as well. Funny thread. Spong Bob will never think about f'ing with you again.

  27. #27
    jbigdog69's Avatar
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    Thanks for the laugh!!!!

  28. #28
    Maraxus's Avatar
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    LOL great story, show that balloon who's boss!!!!

  29. #29
    spywizard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elicotton
    Yesterday was a busy day, I had an awsome W/O, two sessions of cardio, yard work and an "end of the school-year" party for my kids. ( Got four, ages 11,7,5 and 2.) Then I friggin stay on AR much longer than planned and end up getting to bed around midnight.

    Anyway, around 3:30 am, I wake up about to piss all over myself. I always use the kids batroom down the hall so as not to wake my wife with my manly loud pissing and other bodily noises. As I'm walking down the hall in a fog, still mostly asleep, I glance up and realize I'm about three feet away from some dude and hes coming towards me. I knew it wasn't one of my kids because all I could really make out was his head and he was taller than me. I'm 6'-0", this guy looked about 6'3" or so. In a panic, I just fukin bull rush this guy and ram my head right into his chest and lock my arms behind him, and keep the leggs churnin, just like the old football days.

    I got nothing but air! I friggin fall to the floor as hard as I've ever fell and I THOUGHT he kicked me in the head when I hit the ground! I realized I was in the kitchen by then (momentum) and jumped up and flicked on the light.

    All I saw in the hall was a half-filled Songe-Bob helium balloon from the kids party! The **** thing had partially deflated but instead of falling to the ground, it was just floating in mid-air, and the air from the ceiling fan was blowing it around! This was my **** intruder!?

    What I thought was a kick in the head was from me falling 90mph into the friggin bookcase! Today I got a Fred Flintstone like, golfball size knot on my head!

    Of course, the wife wakes up just in time to laugh her ass off, and I was so jacked I couldn't get back to sleep.

    Ah, the joys of having children around.
    good one, you're lucky she didn't come around the corner with the handgun backing you up..... that's what my wife has been trained to do .......

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  30. #30
    allsaucedup's Avatar
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    one of the funniest things i have read in a long time thanks bro

  31. #31
    decadbal's Avatar
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    no lie, someone breaks into my housse, they will be carried out. thats dam funny though bro

  32. #32
    Ammar's Avatar
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    LoL great story. At least it shows you really care about your family

  33. #33
    allsaucedup's Avatar
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    it also shows he hates ballons

  34. #34
    Jhn36 is offline Associate Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by diablo27185
    sponge bob kicked yer ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! j/k bro

    He will be back.....

  35. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babyweight

    It kinda makes me want to have kids!

    BW
    ummm im up down if you are

  36. #36
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    Talking

    I know this is an ancient thread, but when I saw that pic I HAD to post it!

    Is this the dude you saw breaking into your house?



    Red
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails There was an intruder in my house last night...-spongebob_chainsaw.jpg  

  37. #37
    Lozgod's Avatar
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    At least you didnt pussy up and run away from a baloon screaming Call The Cops!!!!!!!

  38. #38
    twosocks40's Avatar
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    Even sponge bob was laughing at you. Funny stuff.


    -B

  39. #39
    ripped4fsu's Avatar
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    ****, I never knew SB was such an asskicker!

  40. #40
    Blown_SC is offline Retired Vet
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    Quote Originally Posted by ripped4fsu
    ****, I never knew SB was such an asskicker!
    You even called him by his short term...

    Hey Ripped, I call my roomie 'square pants'... she is about 250lbs, and 5 ft 1 Poor girl, but it's still f-in funny...

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