Thread: Finally the truth! (sorry Swole)
06-25-2004, 03:25 PM #1
Finally the truth! (sorry Swole)
IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.,
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans. another vegetable!!! "It's the best feel-good food around!" Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie...One more thing... "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt"
06-25-2004, 03:27 PM #2Retired Vet
- Join Date
- Feb 2004
Bro, I've been preaching this for months
06-25-2004, 03:36 PM #3
06-25-2004, 03:52 PM #4
06-25-2004, 04:58 PM #5
great post bro...very informative...lol
06-25-2004, 05:00 PM #6
this post makes we wanna jump off the eliptical glider and grab a beer and a sloppy joes..
06-25-2004, 05:28 PM #7
06-25-2004, 05:33 PM #8
oooh yea ooo yea been a long time been a long time been a long lonely lonely time
06-25-2004, 05:35 PM #9
hahaah good info im gonna follow that from now on thx bro =)
06-25-2004, 06:36 PM #10AR Hall of Fame
- Join Date
- Dec 2002
I thought you were phuckin' serious until about 1/4 of the post down, .
06-25-2004, 06:48 PM #11
is this a thread from a site for lazy and obese people?
06-25-2004, 06:52 PM #12
i knew i had my diet in check
06-25-2004, 09:33 PM #13
F*ck I've been doing this whole thing wrong for 2 friggin years!
06-25-2004, 09:52 PM #14
ahhaahahhahahahahahahaha that was hilarious
06-26-2004, 01:09 AM #15
Why in the hell would any one begin to beleive that? Its asinine.
06-26-2004, 01:15 AM #16Originally Posted by NIU ROTC
06-26-2004, 01:27 AM #17
I got it all right, but did he find that somewhere or make it up laffing the whole time?
06-26-2004, 08:41 AM #18
funny ass **** bro. u are preaching to the chior. hahaha
06-26-2004, 08:44 AM #19AR Hall of Fame
Originally Posted by NIU ROTC
- Join Date
- Dec 2002
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