07-10-2004, 05:31 PM #1
Tell Your Favorite Jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Three guys just got done finishing their training for the CIA but they had one final test to take. The head of the CIA took the three guys into a room and said, "You have all done well but we need to give you one final test to see if we can really trust you... we have all three of your wifes in different rooms. I want you to take this gun and kill her.... we have to be able to trust you."
So the first guy takes the gun and leaves without saying a word... moments later he comes running back into the room saying " I cant do it, I'm out!"
So the second guy takes the gun and says " Alright, I'm in" ... 5 minutes later he comes back with tears running down his face... he says "I cant do it, thats the mother of my kids, I'm sorry."
So the third guy takes the gun and says " I've wanted to be in the CIA all my life... nothing will hold me back".... several minutes pass and the CIA officials hear screaming and pounding comming from the room... they run in there and find this guys wife beat to a pulp laying on the ground in a pool of blood. They looked at the man and said "what have you done!?!?!?!" and the guy says, "Some jackass filled this gun with blanks so I had to choke the bitch"
A man with a black eye, boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down.He immediately notices that the man next to him also has a black eye and says, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?" The other guy replies, "It was a tongue twister accident. I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most beautiful large breasts was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh.' ...and she socked me a good one. The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister, too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a cup of coffee honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life slut!'
07-10-2004, 05:43 PM #2
why did the indians come to arizona?
CUASE THEY HAD A RESERVATION!!!
i didnt mean to harass anyone with this joke its simply a joke dont take it serious, have fun hahaa.
07-10-2004, 05:54 PM #3Originally Posted by worldknown
I am seriously offended.
bannin a comin bro!! ... hold yur horses!
(no offence to horses)
07-10-2004, 07:09 PM #4
are you kidding me? lool
07-10-2004, 08:21 PM #5LM1332 Guest
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
07-10-2004, 09:26 PM #6
One of the most embarrasing things of my life happened to me the other day. I think this counts as a joke.
I was in bed with my partner. I had the oils out and everything was going so smooth. Well, thats what I thought until I realized what had happened--Asleep! My F***** partner was asleep. So I thought about it for a while and didn't know what I should do. But I figured I continue anyways because I needed to shoot my load. After I shot my load, I realized it made huge mistake in the process--I should have never switched hands because it feels like someone else is doing it when your hand is numb.
Every now and then I tell this to someone and keep a straight face. They think your revealing a deep secret to them until they realize they've been played.
Got the idea from the sex definition for "The Stranger". The Stranger is where you sit on your hand til its numb, then beat off. IT should feel like a stranger is doing it. Or if you switch hands it should also feel like some else is doing it.
07-11-2004, 12:09 AM #7
classic, the stranger, dude i heard that like a year ago and i almost cried i was laughing so hard, have you ever heard of 2 dogs in a bathtub (where its so hard to keep your balls insie of a chicks ass that its like keeping 2 dogs in a bathtub) i think we all know about the dutch oven.
07-11-2004, 01:50 AM #8
There was a website that had all of them listed w/ descriptoins. Search for deviant sexual positions n youll find it if its still up.
Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves after a house fire
07-11-2004, 01:55 AM #9
i feel bad for chris reeves man i uset o watch superman all the time i was bummed so badly when that happened.
07-11-2004, 04:24 PM #10Retired Vet
- Join Date
- Feb 2004
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.
"He can play any musical instrument in the world."
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager 50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi
Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his 50.
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong. The guy pays up his 50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He puts them down and the octopus fumbles with them for a minute and then sits down with a
"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye canny plae it, can ye?"
The octopus looks up at him and says..."Play it??? I'm going to ****
it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off".
07-11-2004, 04:38 PM #11
A mod gets pissed a pumbles fruit.....
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