Retrosexuals

[Juggernaut]

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I
can't stand any more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is
effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about
foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual,
bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and
purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban
world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell
"ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture
Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "


THE CODE :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit
that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home,
or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you
live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30
years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need
be. This falls under the "Dealing with it" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on
national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for
women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to
you becoming a froo-froo little puss.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental
stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak
treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different
city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink
because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING
WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to
conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and
ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about
getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer
a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or
be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are
riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus
it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or
things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none
of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports
teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is
swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can
cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet
(fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss
of major body parts on your Ford truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a
pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and
offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called
men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct
emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled
Banner.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset
the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a
serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting,
shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding
all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering
his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.
Wherever it lands is where he **** well wanted it to land. Except on his
truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the
retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but
any elderly person or person in military dress. NOTE: The
person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man
will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their
country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.
He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other
person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does
something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the
process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

[Pale Horse]

I'll be the first to admit it! I AM A RETROSEXUAL!!! Wow I 'm glad I finally came out of the closet.

[Steroids101]

Im guessing you were watching BRAVO?

[Prime]

THE CODE :

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct
emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled
Banner.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are
riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus
it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or
things that just need a little "wakin' up".

[spywizard]

I think you posted this before... but let me say....


I am A Retrosexual Male

[Prime]

you know i gotta say that a "true" retrosexual male, the way you seem to be describing one juggy wouldnt bother trying to classify himself, he wouldnt feel the need. Therefore anyone needing to classify themselves...........well you get the idea

[Juggernaut]

I'll be the first to admit it! I AM A RETROSEXUAL!!! Wow I 'm glad I finally came out of the closet.

Good for you! Never be ashamed of the man you are! No matter what others say women love men who act like men.

To you ladies out there....if you're dating a guy who doesn't scratch his butt...in public......kick him too the curb. You're bound to come home one day and catch him in one of your dresses. hahahaha

[Juggernaut]

you know i gotta say that a "true" retrosexual male, the way you seem to be describing one juggy wouldnt bother trying to classify himself, he wouldnt feel the need. Therefore anyone needing to classify themselves...........well you get the idea

True! But I'm hoping to reel in others that might have ventured from the path. A man that calls a purple shirt "plum colored" is too far gone.

[Juggernaut]

I think you posted this before... but let me say....


I am A Retrosexual Male

I thought I might have so I did a search and didn't find it. I'd apologize if I had but then I might be breaking the Code. This might be one of those Deal With It cases.

[Prime]

True! But I'm hoping to reel in others that might have ventured from the path. A man that calls a purple shirt "plum colored" is too far gone.

ok the plum shirt quite is fair game, but i have worn a dress before and i dont see anything wrong with it. Women were squeezing my fake breasts i was squeezing their real ones, fun had be all. I wouldnt like to label myself personally, but thats just me.

[daem]

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

I always just give everyone else on a bus or subway a disgusted, "you punks" look anyway...does that count towards my retrosexual point tally?

[AnabolicAlien]

how come every time i put the tv on the channel bravo my butthole starts to hurt and i get nervous? hehe

i'm getting pretty sick of these homosexual shows. they're really starting to irk me.

E.T.

[Blown_SC]

You've posted this b4, but it's still holds true...

'DEAL WITH IT'

[Pale Horse]

Juggernaut,

You have posted it before but it should be th AR creedo for men. Read every morning before breakfast!

[symatech]

DEAL WITH IT. took the words right out of my mouth. Im with ya bro

[Pale Horse]

Deal with what? I'm missing a point here.

[Blown_SC]

Deal with what? I'm missing a point here.

'IT'....anything that needs to be DEALT WITH...

[Pale Horse]

Is "IT" kind of like "THEY" ? They say this, they say that, who are "THEY"?

[Juggernaut]

I always just give everyone else on a bus or subway a disgusted, "you punks" look anyway...does that count towards my retrosexual point tally?

Hell yes! Also throw in a little "I'll kick the living **** out of you" now and then for good measure. hahahaha

[Juggernaut]

"It" is all the stuff others bitch about when crap happens too them. Retrosexuals just Deal With It......we got no time to bitch about that stuff.......we have food to kill and clean or we're going hungry. hahaha

[Blown_SC]

"It" is all the stuff others bitch about when crap happens too them. Retrosexuals just Deal With It......we got no time to bitch about that stuff.......we have food to kill and clean or we're going hungry. hahaha

Only the strong survive Juggy

[spywizard]

I thought I might have so I did a search and didn't find it. I'd apologize if I had but then I might be breaking the Code. This might be one of those Deal With It cases.

I am glad you did.. it probably got lost when the data based took a dump a few weeks back...

[Mr. Death]

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss.

Right on bro. I don't understand it. I have had so many friends that completely change their personality for women, and won't take a step without asking their girl's permission.

[Dally]

hmmm these shows your watching seem so foreign to me.

mind you all I watch is porn and in even the porn is missing other men... unless its ROCCO ..

that dude is DAH MAN!

(he flushed a chicks head down the toilet while givin her the jackhammer) NO SH*T!!

ahhah
yep

[bubbathegut]

we need a have a movement like the million man march, except we will be doing the anabolic march

[rambo]

I'm "metro", as in I dress well, am well groomed, and extremely pretty.

And I'll still beat the **** out of a "retro" who scuffs my Aldos.

[Soldier of Misfortune]

Thats the kind of $hit were talkin about here. Who gives a fuk about your shoes, they go on the ground and you walk on em. I spill all kinds of $hit on my shoes at work and every day, walk through water and mud. My hunting boots have blood stains from deer I shot and gutted myself like 3 years ago, and thats the way I likes it. I eat food that I grilled myself even if I burned it because I was watchin a fishing show and got sidetracked, in fact, a little gristle is d@mn good on chicken and venison. There is a cabinet full of guns in my living room, in full view, with the ammo right under them in the drawers. I wear the same pants for 3 or 4 days in a row. I proudly wear our Nation's flag on my right shoulder with US Army on the left chest. I am Retrosexual all the way through.

[ENraged]

perfect couldnt have said it better myself. where do i sign

[Phillyboy1]

i am definatly a retro man. i do all of them things on a regular basis, and boy you should see my tool box lol

[RussianVodka]

I Am A Retrosexual!!!

[Soldier of Misfortune]

OH YEAH!!! NO DRINKING BOTTLED WATER EXCLUSIVLY!!!!!!! That $hit comes out of the tap for free and its the same $hit you buy for $1.50 a bottle!!! Retrosexual men shouldnt care whether their water is purified, or comes from a mountain spring. A BEAR PROBABLY PISSED IN THAT SPRING! You can have one once in a while, just dont buy it. If its given to you thats fine, but you should all carry a whole or half gallon milk jug and drink one or two a day, filled from the kitchen or bathroom faucet, for free. Our fathers and grandfathers got along just fine with city, county, or even better...well water. Thats the tasty d@mn water!

[OSTIE]

Good list...One of my pet peeves though, which I would add to the list; A real retrosexual man drinks beer. Im sickin of seeing these skinny @ss, overdressed, pussies goin into a bar, grabbing a smirnoff or some other fruity tootie sugary drink and start talkin to females about their hair or nails or whatever.

Be a man and grab a friggin beer. I used to love those Highlife commercials, they said it best. I only used to see them on hunting/fishing channels though. Anyone else see them?

[Spoon]

im proud to be retrosexual!

[Animal Cracker]

I had a thread several months back on a subject very close to this- what happened to real mean..old school type men..the ones that did things the way men do? Not the "Metro-Sexua l( a gay still straddling the fence) or the sympathetic to someone's cause or plight men that are all suffocating men of today....look at the media "role models" for me nowadays...also why are Hetero-Progun-Conservative men demonized? World is going down the drain! Where is John Wayne and Lee Marvin when we need them?

[Juggernaut]

I'm "metro", as in I dress well, am well groomed, and extremely pretty.

And I'll still beat the **** out of a "retro" who scuffs my Aldos.

What's an Aldos? If I knew what they are I'm sure I could make fun of it if I really try. And are you sure you dress well...the pretty part may be true but the dress well? Come on. hahahaha

[Mart651]

I'm "metro", as in I dress well, am well groomed, and extremely pretty.

And I'll still beat the **** out of a "retro" who scuffs my Aldos.

I would scuff the **** out of your Waldos if I knew what the hell they were.

[Blown_SC]

What's an Aldos? If I knew what they are I'm sure I could make fun of it if I really try. And are you sure you dress well...the pretty part may be true but the dress well? Come on. hahahaha

They are likely a pair of dress boots from the shoe store, called "Aldo's"...

[Mart651]

They are likely a pair of dress boots from the shoe store, called "Aldo's"...

Do straight people shop there or just people like Rambo?

[Juggernaut]

They are likely a pair of dress boots from the shoe store, called "Aldo's"...

Men wear something other than boots? I'm flabbergasted! Hell I wear waders to weddings! hahahaha Hey, there could be some nice fish in the church pond!

[Blown_SC]

Do straight people shop there or just people like Rambo?

I've never shopped there... but I assume that doesn't help answer your question