Steroid test

This steroid test is in this month's ESPN the Magazine. Make of it what you will.

1. Who are your role models?
a. Tayshaun Prince
b. Jim Thome
c. Lyle Alzado
d. Ken Caminiti

2. How much can you bench press?
a. My body weight
b. 200 pounds
c. 300 pounds
d. Not enough weights at gym to find out

3. My favorite condiment is...
a. Mayonnaise
b. Power Bars ground into a fine powder
c. Creatine
d. Some stuff I bought online from Mexico

4. My Biceps...
a. Blend seamlessly into my forearm
b. Is slightly larger than my girlfriend's
c. Talks to me. Seriously
d. Was best man at my wedding

5. My hat size is...
a. The same it's been since high school
b. The same it's been since college
c. Impossible to find unless I special order
d. Getting larger as I read this

6. What did you have for dinner?
a. A slice of pizza
b. Two slices of pizza
c. Two pizzas
d. Two pizzas and whatever was in that syringe

7. How much do you weigh now vs. when you graduated high school
a. Same
b. 10 pounds less. Thanks, Jared
c. 30 pounds more, and I only started exercising two months ago
d. 80 pounds more, but I've lowered my bodyfat 36%

8. What is Balco?
a. An Austrian singer who recorded "Der Kommissar"
b. The group that sets up all the NCAA bowl games
c. An acronym for a drug lab that's been linked to some athletes
d. Uncle Victor's Clubhouse

9. How fast can you run a 40 yard dash?
a. In seconds or minutes?
b. 7.8 seconds, wind aided
c. 5.2 seconds, if they start the timer late
d. 4.35, barefoot over glass

10. Friends say that my best feature is my...
a. Eyes
b. Smile
c. Rock hard glutes
d. 72-inch chest

11. The striations in my muscles are...
a. Nonexistant
b. Noticeable with a microscope
c. Vibrating
d. Deep enough to run a credit card through

12. I'm 6'2", 240 pounds and in...
a. Weight Watchers
b. The military
c. The best shape of my life
d. Sixth grade

13. Athletes who are caught taking steroids shoul be...
a. Counseled about the dangers of performance-enhancing drugs
b. Suspended until they test clean
c. Suspended for life
d. Ashamed for not using the Chinese stuff that won't be detectable until 2012

13. D

lolll

12. I'm 6'2", 240 pounds and in...
a. Weight Watchers
b. The military
c. The best shape of my life
d. Sixth grade


mmmm...

10. If my friends told me that my best feature was my rock hard glutes, i might start to worry.......although they are pretty nice