Okay- I have a homosexual brother, and I need help...

[doctorcc]

My brother's recent coming out would have been a lot harder on the family had he been a complete flamer, but fortunately he's a very manly gay man. For some reason that has lessened the blow. He now has a significant other that is also "another one of the guys," and the family is trying to get to know and accept him- however, it's still hard. The guy seems cool, but I can't get over the weirdness of it all. We're planning on a Thanksgiving family reunion that would bring everyone, including our spouses and "others" together. Are there any suggestion on how me and my fiance should try and bond with the new addition to the fam? Has anyone else had similar issues?

[TheMudMan]

My brother's recent coming out would have been a lot harder on the family had he been a complete flamer, but fortunately he's a very manly gay man. For some reason that has lessened the blow. He now has a significant other that is also "another one of the guys," and the family is trying to get to know and accept him- however, it's still hard. The guy seems cool, but I can't get over the weirdness of it all. We're planning on a Thanksgiving family reunion that would bring everyone, including our spouses and "others" together. Are there any suggestion on how me and my fiance should try and bond with the new addition to the fam? Has anyone else had similar issues?

Just accept the guy....... sure it's wierd to think of your brother in a gay relationship but if this guy treasts your brother good, makes him happy, and also shows your family respect then IMO there shouldn't be a problem.

[RoNNy THe BuLL]

So whaaaaaaaat if he's gay. What's the big deal. He's not hurting anyone? He's not committing a crime? He's not showing anyone any disrespect?

If he can accept it, so should everyone else.

Sure, it's weird to adjust. Any change is hard to adjust too. But if everyone has a positive and optomistic outlook on it, it shouldn't be that tough bro.

[Juggernaut]

He's your brother.....so he's gay.......doesn't change anything. Don't change how you act or treat him and just think of his partner as a real close fishing buddy.

[Maraxus]

Well I understand that it is a shock and it might take some time getting used to it, BUT it is your brother, and it doesn't change anything in all honesty. Just make sure you love him and don't judge him bro.

[Mart651]

I can see what you are saying. You are not saying that there is something wrong with it but it is not something you are used to. I would feel the same way. I think this is something that you are going to have to feel out when it comes to his boyfriend. Gay or not you may not like the guy. Give him a chance as a person first and then try to deal with the insecurities you have of him being gay. I am always suprised by how easily I get along with a gay person once I get to know them. Now if they are flamers I don't even give them the chance. I can't except that act. Good luck and hope everything works out and every one gets along.

[skinjob]

i agree with the former two. as long as your bro is safe and happy then all is well. you may find the idea of your brothers lifestyle hard to get used to but i am sure if you just treat him the same - as your brother - it will be fine. as to worrying about the partner, relax. you will either like him or not but in the end it doesn't have to be difficult. i think if you relax and stop thinking about what their relationship means to you and just deal with them as you would any other couple it will be fine.

if you are worried about connecting just seek out some common interests and things will take care of themselves. it must be difficult for your brother too - bringing someone new to your family home - just remember your brother needs your acceptance and support and try to be there for him as you probably always have been. all the best bro

[skinjob]

what is a flamer (in the context of sexuality?)

[Maraxus]

Flamers are the homogays who think theyre chicks. They do drag, and **** like that.

Perfect example. Mass Junkie.

[Mart651]

what is a flamer (in the context of sexuality?)

Nothing to do with sexuality. Purely show. They want everyone to know they are gay and try their best to act like a sissy for attention.

[AandF6969]

If it were my brother, I'd disown him. But thats just me, you're probably more tolerant than I am.

[Matt Foley]

Im really surprised that people arent more accepting of the gay culture these days. I think this is more of an issue of "not my son" then anything else Doc. I have worked closely with couple homos before and they are just like other people, no more, no less. And convincing your family that they are accepted may be hard at first but in the long run they are who they are. And thats it.

[skinjob]

thanks for the explanation. i assume Mass Junkie will not be overly flattered tho

referring to some of the earlier posts, its ok to be gay as long as your not a tranny as well. now that is anal! and what if you're a tranny but not gay?

i couldn't give a toss what clothes someone wears as long as they are CLEAN and dont cack in the street or bash one out in Tesco. i judge people on their individual merits. if they suck, they suck. if not, who cares what they look like.

in tattooing there is an old phrase that illustrates nicely what i banging on about:

tattooed people don't care if you're not tattooed.

[Blown_SC]

If it were my brother, I'd disown him. But thats just me, you're probably more tolerant than I am.

That's truly sad...

[jbigdog69]

Flamers are the homogays who think theyre chicks. They do drag, and **** like that.

Perfect example. Mass Junkie.

[iNvid]

He's family bro, nothing could end that. Even an "other"

[BOUNCER]

At least you don't have to worry about him getting pregnant now.

BUt seriously, I don't know about the homosexual scene over there but don't you have access to some gay councilling services which can point your family in the right direction. We have some openly gay members on the board here, do a search for gay threads (not joking this time) and PM the guys. You might also drop Tock a PM, he's here along time, he's a mateur guy and never hides his sexuality.

Good luck, and best regards to the family.

[Matt Foley]

Try OG, he might have some good insight for ya..

[Prime]

If it were my brother, I'd disown him. But thats just me, you're probably more tolerant than I am.

Bit harsh.

[hercules88]

treat him like the human being he is.

[tryingtogetbig]

....I would assume that your brother and his partner both know that this "coming out" will create some uneasiness amongst the family. Find some middle ground on both sides that will help everyone "adjust" and get use to the idea. I would expect your brother to carry some of the responsibility of helping the family adjust...for example...I would hope they wouldn't be holding hands/kissing...shiat like that right from the get go in front of the family. I don't think I could handle that....just my opinion....good luck with it bro.

peace,

ttgb

[Danielle]

If it were my brother, I'd disown him. But thats just me, you're probably more tolerant than I am.

why?

[Soldier of Misfortune]

If it were my brother, I'd disown him. But thats just me, you're probably more tolerant than I am.

Same here dude. Aint no way no how. We're Catholic, that $hit dont fly.

[Dude-Man]

Same here dude. Aint no way no how. We're Catholic, that $hit dont fly.

you guys are pathetic.

[bad_man]

All good advice with the exception of a couple.

Dude, trust me on this, it's weird now because you haven't met the other guy yet. When you do, it will be weird for maybe an hour, or however long it takes for you to sit down and have a beer with him.

[Carlos_E]

If it were my brother, I'd disown him. But thats just me, you're probably more tolerant than I am.

Good thing it's not your brother or son.

[spywizard]

ok....... no one answered your question..


so here goes for me...

My Brother is gay.... ok.. with that said...he lived most of his adult life never letting anyone know that he was.. 5 years ago.. during a visit.. i said to him.. "So, are you gay"... his response was ... "oh yea.. i'm gay" we both laughed, but i said you never told anyone, so i thought i would ask..

now he is very manly... 7% bf.. 6' tall .. 200 lbs.. hrt, and gh... 42 yrs old..

but by being direct, accepting him.. it allowed us to have a conversation, all the jokes about sucking cock, and licking ass holes aside, it was probably the best conversation we have ever had as adults.

In our family, the "Other" is welcome, but out of respect to the older family members Public displays of affection are not condoned.. 20-40 years from now that might be different.. it's just like.. if talking about politics gets grandpa close to a heart attack.. why have the conversation.. and when a couple are gettting married, everyone pretends she and he are virgins..

get the point..

that's how we handle it anyway..

hope that helps......... most times.. the issue is them being "Gay" is the most interesting thing about them.. try to find out what else they are about.

[bad_man]

Same here dude. Aint no way no how. We're Catholic, that $hit dont fly.

So I guess you don't have premarital sex than, right? And of course, you don't use contraception.

[Carlos_E]

Same here dude. Aint no way no how. We're Catholic, that $hit dont fly.

Same for you to. This is family. Nothing comes between family.

[bad_man]

ok....... no one answered your question..


so here goes for me...

My Brother is gay.... ok.. with that said...he lived most of his adult life never letting anyone know that he was.. 5 years ago.. during a visit.. i said to him.. "So, are you gay"... his response was ... "oh yea.. i'm gay" we both laughed, but i said you never told anyone, so i thought i would ask..

now he is very manly... 7% bf.. 6' tall .. 200 lbs.. hrt, and gh... 42 yrs old..

but by being direct, accepting him.. it allowed us to have a conversation, all the jokes about sucking cock, and licking ass holes aside, it was probably the best conversation we have ever had as adults.

In our family, the "Other" is welcome, but out of respect to the older family members Public displays of affection are not condoned.. 20-40 years from now that might be different.. it's just like.. if talking about politics gets grandpa close to a heart attack.. why have the conversation.. and when a couple are gettting married, everyone pretends she and he are virgins..

get the point..

that's how we handle it anyway..

hope that helps......... most times.. the issue is them being "Gay" is the most interesting thing about them.. try to find out what else they are about.

EXCELLENT post!!

[Commando_Barbi]

If it were my brother, I'd disown him. But thats just me, you're probably more tolerant than I am.

What Carlos said....thank god he isn't.

Think the general consensus is.... your attitude sucks.

[Carlos_E]

My brother's recent coming out would have been a lot harder on the family had he been a complete flamer, but fortunately he's a very manly gay man. For some reason that has lessened the blow. He now has a significant other that is also "another one of the guys," and the family is trying to get to know and accept him- however, it's still hard. The guy seems cool, but I can't get over the weirdness of it all. We're planning on a Thanksgiving family reunion that would bring everyone, including our spouses and "others" together. Are there any suggestion on how me and my fiance should try and bond with the new addition to the fam? Has anyone else had similar issues?

Treat him like a human being. Your brother is no different from any straight person besides who he's coming home to. A guy instead of a girl. Treat his bf as a human being and get to know him as a person. I suggest you stay away from the So who's doing who or do you take turns questions.

[Tock]

My brother's recent coming out would have been a lot harder on the family had he been a complete flamer, but fortunately he's a very manly gay man. For some reason that has lessened the blow. He now has a significant other that is also "another one of the guys," and the family is trying to get to know and accept him- however, it's still hard. The guy seems cool, but I can't get over the weirdness of it all. We're planning on a Thanksgiving family reunion that would bring everyone, including our spouses and "others" together. Are there any suggestion on how me and my fiance should try and bond with the new addition to the fam? Has anyone else had similar issues?

What's really tough is being the one to come out of the closet.
But, it's tough on the family, too.
Y'all have to deal with the loss of the brother you knew, and get to know your brother as he really is. It's actually a lot like going through a grieving process (feeling anger, depression, bargaining, denial, and finally, acceptance) over the loss. Plus you have to deal with the "shame" and stigma associated with homosexuality, both your own notions as well as how non-family members react. Used to be you'd have to worry about legal issues, but they don't throw gays in jail anymore like they used to . . .

There's an organization called PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays), www.pflag.org , that exists to help families deal with their "newly minted" gay brother/son (lesbians, too). Their website lists local chapters in Nevada, and there's lots of info to browse through. So, there's expert help available from people who have seen your situation a jillion times, and know how to help everyone cope.

----
I lived in a conservative town just north of Dallas a while back, and I was the ringleader of a "Gay & Lesbian Breakfast Club," we advertised in the local paper once a month. Well, one day I got a phone call from a 60-ish year old lady wanting to chat.
To make a long story short, it turned out that her 30 year old son was gay. He had lived out of town, and came home to spend the last months of his life with his folks (he had AIDS).
The lady told me that for 4 months she had told the neighbors that her son was away from home (they'd ask, "How's John doing?" and she'd say, "Fine.") Hid her son; kept him on his deathbed away from prying eyes.
Well, he eventually died. The lady called for an ambulence to take the body away, and she asked 'em to come to the back driveway, instead of the front, because she didn't want the neighbors to know what had happenned.
A few months passed, and that's when she called me. Oh, man oh man, she was in tears . . . she was so ashamed of being ashamed of her dying son, of hiding him from disapproving neighbors. It seemed to me that she was confessing her "sin" to me, and was wanting me to grant her "forgiveness." Of course, that's what she needed, and that's what she got. I put her in touch with the Dallas chapter of PFLAG, and I don't know what she did with them after that. But danged if she didn't bake bags of goodies for me to share with the Gay and Lesbian Breakfast Club. Hmm. "Grandma" is what she liked to be called. She had the biggest tits on any woman I've ever seen, and she liked to squeeze people into 'em (liked to hug). Her husband was the greeter at the local WalMart, was a quiet guy with a face like a bloodhound.

Anyway, everyone has their own particular situation and issues, deals with the problems in their own way. This lady could have used their services long before she called me. The PFLAG folks (usually parents of gays) are there to spare y'all the problems of finding your way through the wilderness alone; they've seen it all, and can simplify what y'all gotta do. Sounds like y'all are wiling to make the effort, so you have that going for ya (I've seen some real tragedies where families wouldn't or couldn't reach out to their gay kid).

So, when you're ready, if you want some help (even just a chat by phone) give 'em a call. www.pflag.org

Good luck,
--Tock

[AandF6969]

Think the general consensus is.... your attitude sucks.

I wasn't criticizing anyone else's attitudes, only stating my own. Honestly I just don't like gay people.
I guess since my views differer from the majority in this thread my attitude must "suck"

Same here dude. Aint no way no how. We're Catholic, that $hit dont fly.

Speak for yourself there, bro, relegion doesnt play a part in it, if I was a satanist I think I'd still have the same views toward homosexuality. It's not like I follow all the other rules of Catholicism perfectly.

[partyboynyc]

he's your brother. end of story. treat him like you always have before you knew. it's 2004, it's okay to be gay.he's gay, not an ax murderer

[Carlos_E]

he's your brother. end of story. treat him like you always have before you knew. it's 2004, it's okay to be gay.he's gay, not an ax murderer

Where the **** have you been?

[partyboynyc]

Where the **** have you been?

oh it's been a bad month and it isn't even over yet. my gf of 10 years and i are done. i'm crushed and i can barely think straight. it's a really hard time for me right now.i've just been trying to be around peopel to ease the pain.having problems with my gym financially too. my life is terrible now and i didn';t want to come on the board and bother anyone with my problems.
i miss you guys so much on here!!
how have you been?have you been out lately. i think i have to go out and get my mind off of her this weekend or next or i'm going to go insane.

[Tock]

So, when you're ready, if you want some help (even just a chat by phone) give 'em a call. www.pflag.org
Good luck,
--Tock

Oh ya, check this out, too:

http://www.pflag.org/support/family.html

--Tock

[BOUNCER]

Thanks Tock.

[Fat Guy]

I saw this and had to post... My sister is a Lezbo (she likes it when I call her a Lezbo Dyke) and it's nothing... In fact, it has brought us closer together... Now both of us check out chicks together. She is still fam and man she has some hot girlfriends…