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  1. #1
    Devil Dog74's Avatar
    Devil Dog74 is offline Associate Member
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    Jan 2004

    Talking Why we love our children

    1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
    "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
    "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
    You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
    didn't move."

    2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
    Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
    "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
    "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
    Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
    "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
    I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
    Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

    3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
    finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
    The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
    and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
    Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

    4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
    her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
    tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
    The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
    "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
    A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
    "The big sissy."

    5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
    sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
    wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor
    leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
    The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes,
    and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

    6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
    came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
    said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

    I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
    "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

    7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
    "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
    Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
    His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
    The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
    "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
    "Yes," he answered.

    Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
    teaching my son in math?"

    The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
    The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
    son of a bitch is four?"

    After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
    was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

    8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
    Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
    tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
    farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

    The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer
    One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****!
    A talking chicken!'"
    The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

    9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
    "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

    Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

    The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
    "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

    She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

    10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
    Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

    The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find
    a smooth one, can I play with him?"

  2. #2
    decadbal's Avatar
    decadbal is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    North Charlotte
    post whoring it up aint

  3. #3
    Devil Dog74's Avatar
    Devil Dog74 is offline Associate Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    well...yea but i got alot of time on my hands.
    Bored outta my mind at work...

  4. #4
    bubbathegut's Avatar
    bubbathegut is offline Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    PLZ dont IM me 4 Source's
    kids are stupid, i hope i am sterile

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