Help me to help my friend, im serious guys.

**Elysium** · 07-29-2004, 01:16 PM

Hey all

Right. Where do i start, basically my best friend has been getting worse lately, he is practically scared of everything.

He wont eat out anywhere or eat other peoples food, food they have prepared etc because he is scared of being sick. He wont eat chicken, meats or foods that MAY cause you to be sick if its not cooked properly etc. Its very bad, he wont even eat chicken EVEN if HE was the one who cooked it...JUST IN CASE. Its real bad

He is also scared of flying, because he is not in control, he cannot stand it, he cannot grasp also how something so large can stay airbourne.

He doesnt take ANY risks, and im not talking like major things, im talking he wont maybe accelerate in his car a tad faster than an 80 year old JUST IN CASE he has a blown tyre.

His life is lived on IF's and BUT's and WHAT IF's.

We had a massive arguement down the gym today, i know its not my concern but i cannot understand how he lives like this, he stormed out and is ignoring my calls.

I want him to get help, he says he will but when he is ready, he has been on about this for ages.

He even broke up with his girlfriend, coz she wanted to go out for nice meals etc, go on holiday etc and he is not prepared to do this.

I have looked into hypnosis but he just says in my time. which is bull coz he is sayin that for years.

Just annoys me, he is scared of EVERYTHING we cant do nuthin, cant go to a club, he is so timid!! AHHHH

Its not my problem but he is my mate and i wanna help him. You guys no any experiences etc, what can i do

**symatech** · 07-29-2004, 01:20 PM

hmmm, just tell him that he is going to die no matter what he does. what is the purpose of living a long life if you have nothing to live for? "In 20 years you will regret more the things you didn't do than the ones you did." - mark twain

**Elysium** · 07-29-2004, 01:23 PM

he already does regret things, just simple ish like at school he didnt skip one day, not one day, he looks back now and wish he did it just for one day

"too scared to live too scared to die"

**NoobJuice** · 07-29-2004, 01:27 PM

HE works out? Isn't he worried a dumbell might fall on his package?

On a more serious note- How old is he? Is he in good health? Has he ever had bad experinces with undercooked food, etc mentioned above?

**Elysium** · 07-29-2004, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by NoobJuice

HE works out? Isn't he worried a dumbell might fall on his package?

On a more serious note- How old is he? Is he in good health? Has he ever had bad experinces with undercooked food, etc mentioned above?

He is 20, when he was 12 he had food poisoning.

**Isaiah1SAS** · 07-29-2004, 01:34 PM

Ask him to show you the injured, dead, and scared. Be honest with him.

**Elysium** · 07-29-2004, 01:36 PM

Ive said to him ure more likely to die from a random bench press accident than to die from uncooked chicken.

i said to him, pleaded with him,

**sinista63** · 07-29-2004, 01:37 PM

you need to try and convince him that NOW is the time for him to get help. he needs to see someone for this before it totally spirals out of control.

**OGPackin** · 07-29-2004, 01:51 PM

Hey bro, u are a good friend to be concerned, but all u can do is support him the best way u can. He needs to make up his own mind to get help. It sounds like ur friend needs to see a Doctor and get on some meds. I wouldnt talk to his parents about it because he may feel u betrayed him. Just be there for him and hopefully one day he realizes the situaton and gets help....Good luck!!

OG

**cpt steele** · 07-29-2004, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by OGPackin

Hey bro, u are a good friend to be concerned, but all u can do is support him the best way u can. He needs to make up his own mind to get help. It sounds like ur friend needs to see a Doctor and get on some meds. I wouldnt talk to his parents about it because he may feel u betrayed him. Just be there for him and hopefully one day he realizes the situaton and gets help....Good luck!!

OG

This is just what I was going to say. Get him to get help and be his friend

**OGPackin** · 07-29-2004, 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by cpt steele

This is just whta I was going to say. Get him to get help and be his friend

Great minds think alike...

OG

**cpt steele** · 07-29-2004, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by OGPackin

Great minds think alike...

OG

Werd

**Elysium** · 07-29-2004, 03:27 PM

Well on the parents side he has his own place so i wouldnt go to them. i doesnt seem to want anyones help. how do i convince someone who doesnt wanna be helped?

**Big_Diesel** · 07-30-2004, 12:33 PM

Sound like post tramatic stress syndrome. He needs help and hell feel better. The incident when he was a chid must have been so tramatic to him that hes closing himself in so never to put himself in any type of situation that he cant control. Drs. can help but he needs to relize that he hsa a problem. Just let him know that you will see him through the whole process.

**Tock** · 07-30-2004, 08:35 PM

Nope, it's anxiety manifesting itself as various phobias.
The underlying cause is a basic fear of losing control.
He needs to spend a couple of sessions with a good psychologist, and he'll be fine. Ya, the symptoms are pretty bizarre, but the cure is simple and quick.
-Tock

**Commando_Barbi** · 07-30-2004, 09:00 PM

www.emdr.com

Check it out. Don't know if any docs in the UK practice it....but it works.

**Soldier of Misfortune** · 07-31-2004, 12:57 AM

Originally Posted by Tock

Nope, it's anxiety manifesting itself as various phobias.
The underlying cause is a basic fear of losing control.
He needs to spend a couple of sessions with a good psychologist, and he'll be fine. Ya, the symptoms are pretty bizarre, but the cure is simple and quick.
-Tock

I just took a summer psych 110 course, granted its basic intro stuff, but our teacher was a frickin genius about psychology. I member stuff about what tock said from class. Its a psycological disorder for sure, agoraphobia is the one Im thinking of. Its basically the fear of the fear. All the anxiety is building up and causing more fears to arise from trivial things. My teacher used the term "tigermakers" to describe humans. We have the same brain in our skulls today that we had a million years ago, when we had to survive sabertooth tigers and such. Every rustle of bushes could possibly be a tiger or a rabbit. Your friend has conditioned himself to think every russtle in the bush is a tiger and thus wont take any risks.

Also with the childhood trauma of food poisoning, he has classically conditioned himself to fear all foods of that type and created tigers out of all meats and food that can possibly spoil or carry disease. The childhood trauma is a major part in Sigmund Frued's theories of psychology, psychodynamics and psychoanalysis. He thought that all problems with your psyche comes from when you were a child and had bad things happen to you, abuse, poisoning, broken bone, etc. The couch where you lie down and tell everything to the doctor is Fruedian.

Another thing that the instructor always said was the best way to make something feel good, is to make something bad go away. Try to find something that he enjoys (wieght lifting for one) or a meal he will actually eat, and have a few w/ him. Maybe you could eat a chicken breast in front of him several times to show him that nothing bad will happen. He has been conditoned to thing all food is bad, he has to unlearn what he has learned. That was Yoda talking for a sec. After a while, hopefully, he will realize that you can eat meat and not get sick. Take him some where that people are eating meat, if he will go. Or watch a cooking show on TV. Its 2AM here and here I am diagnosing psychological advice. Man I need to go to sleep.

**Elysium** · 07-31-2004, 06:06 AM

Hey guys, just an update he has spoken to me since we had our arguement, i called him, test him but no reply. He has pretty much shut me off, i will let u know if anythin happens. Thanks for your suggestions.