Blowjob Etiquette (By a disgruntled Female)

**Spoon** · 09-15-2004, 02:12 AM

Blowjob Etiquette (By a Female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to shower cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow, or drink it in a glass or funnel!!!
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. Additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like **** so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment & be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PT · 09-15-2004, 03:55 AM

everything you just mentioned should go both ways then. most girls expect you to lick there clit. they grab the back of your head and push when they want you to go faster or are ready to cum. i could go on and on but every girl member will be sending me threatning pm's and ill probably get banned, so ill stop here. but alot of girls are hyocrites. and there is not a girl out there that dosnt like when a guy goes down on here. unless there man dont know what hes doing, and alot dont.

PT · 09-15-2004, 03:59 AM

wait a minute, i just saw you arnt a female. you shouldnt be sucking d1ck anyway. i really hope your girlfriend wrote this. please tell me she did.

**NotSmall** · 09-15-2004, 05:20 AM

My girlfriend occasionally gives me blowjobs, only when she's fast asleep though!

**Spoon** · 09-15-2004, 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by pietro75

wait a minute, i just saw you arnt a female. you shouldnt be sucking d1ck anyway. i really hope your girlfriend wrote this. please tell me she did.

course i dint write it. my wife did j/k

**co2boi** · 09-15-2004, 07:39 AM

spoon...you shouldn't be distributing female propoganda like this....man power bro

**G-Force** · 09-15-2004, 07:46 AM

i think the bloke gets the bum end of the deal as far as going down is concerned

if the girl dont shave then you get all sorts of fluff in your mouth - not nice
and do u here us blokes complaining?
do u fcuk

women should quit complaining and get the fcuk on with it

MANPOWER

**nickrizz** · 09-15-2004, 08:27 AM

very funny, a little crazy and graphic, but funny

**cpt steele** · 09-15-2004, 08:30 AM

#8 is my favorite, its almost like she read my mind.

**HeavyHitter** · 09-15-2004, 08:46 AM

i would never marry a girl like that. My girl has to be compassionate and in to it when pleasing my needs. It takes away from everything when you know the girl is not enjoying herself. If a girl is making me feel like she is battling cancer just to give me a BJ.... $hit, NEXT!!

**HeavyHitter** · 09-15-2004, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by cpt steele

#8 is my favorite, its almost like she read my mind.

hell yeah.... #8 is key. And thats exactly what that means!!!!

**decadbal** · 09-15-2004, 08:52 AM

dude that biitch needs to drop the attitude, u know how easy it is to replace that slut?

**G-Force** · 09-15-2004, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by Spoon

course i dint write it. my wife did j/k

are you sure she wrote it?

i've had very similar blowjob etiquette emails forwarded to me in the past
i saw the same/similar list a while back

there is a blokes version too

**Commando_Barbi** · 09-15-2004, 08:58 AM

LOL I'm sorry but that's pretty funny. I'm not gonna say anymore or someone might come up with another title for me that I really don't want.

Leave it at....some of us enjoy giving as much as receiving. It's like a wonderful power that we have....

Ok...I'm out of this one.

**G-Force** · 09-15-2004, 09:03 AM

i like the ones that enjoy it

hey is it really that bad? its only like sucking a lolly pop.....probably

...i'm stayin out of that one

**cpt steele** · 09-15-2004, 09:54 AM

I have known quite a few girls that just love it...Who am I to not let them enjoy there passion

kc · 09-15-2004, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi

LOL I'm sorry but that's pretty funny. I'm not gonna say anymore or someone might come up with another title for me that I really don't want.

Leave it at....some of us enjoy giving as much as receiving. It's like a wonderful power that we have....

Ok...I'm out of this one.

right on CB....it's all about makin a guy want to beg

**TexasFitnessGirl** · 09-15-2004, 10:01 AM

Man do I want to comment!

**Tryin2getHUGE** · 09-15-2004, 10:10 AM

I am CERTAINLY NOT gonna throw my wife under the bus here, but ALL I can say is that my wife does the OPPOSITE to 15 of the above 16. But at the same token, if this was the opposite for males, I would be the same way. And yes gentlemen, I am a VERY LUCKY, and happily married, Man

**Commando_Barbi** · 09-15-2004, 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by kc

right on CB....it's all about makin a guy want to beg

LOL My ex boyfriend in Barbados still talks about blowjobs. Don't think his new girlfriend has any skillz in that area.

**Elliot** · 09-15-2004, 10:29 AM

Right after i read #1 i knew it was BS..

**co2boi** · 09-15-2004, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by Elliot

Right after i read #1 i knew it was BS..

lol...right after I read the title I knew it was BS

**cpt steele** · 09-15-2004, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by TexasFitnessGirl

Man do I want to comment!

Dont hold back

**co2boi** · 09-15-2004, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by cpt steele

Dont hold back

Fo shizzle...let's hear it cowgirl

**AandF6969** · 09-15-2004, 12:31 PM

Personally, I like this one a lot better...

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

**Bigen12** · 09-15-2004, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by AandF6969

Personally, I like this one a lot better...

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

Funny as hell!
However #11 makes me wonder about you brother!

**hung-solo** · 09-15-2004, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by Bigen12

Funny as hell!
However #11 makes me wonder about you brother!

...........get this, have you ever eaten anything that bleeds for 5 days and never dies???

**AandF6969** · 09-15-2004, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Bigen12

Funny as hell!
However #11 makes me wonder about you brother!

yea i looked at that and was like "wtf"

**TexasFitnessGirl** · 09-15-2004, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by cpt steele

Dont hold back

Man, I am going to get some **** for this.......

1. First and foremost, we are obligated to do it! We will gladly ablige any time you like.
2. Extension to rule #1 - When you get one, be grateful, if we know you really like it, guess what? You get it more.
3. We will watch the pornos so we can learn exactly what you like, as matter of fact pick out your favorite and we'll watch it with you.
4. Extension to rule #3 - Yes we will swallow, or drink it in a glass or funnel, or out of the ass end of a camel, if that's what you want us to do!!!
5. Our ears are whatever you want them to be.
6. Extension to rule #5 - push on top of our head. Deep throat has been done, but will always be enjoyable. Additionally, if you really WANT puke on your dick, okay, cool, something new and exciting?
7. it is OK to fart, big boys eat lots of protein, so we understand.
8. Having our period may mean that it's "hummer week" - please understand that we are bloated and we feel like **** so we may rather blow you just because we feel a little uncomfortable right now, if thats okay with you.
9. We will take extra Midol, if needed.
10. We don't want to pause to remove a pubic hair from our teeth, so let's just shave all that **** off. If you need help, we will shave your balls for you, if it will make you more comfortable, we will hold the razor in our teeth while we do it.
11. Asking us to go with you to play video games immediately afterwards is pretty cool, esp if it's Madden or Grand Theft Auto!
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Enjoy the moment & be happy that we're good at it. We were only practicing to be with the best - YOU.
13. Yes it does taste good. And we will take our protein any way we get it - we're bodybuilders!
14. You can watch TV if you want to , but we promise - you won't want to.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, It is very appropriate to smile and gives us a gratifying look.
16. We love to start the day with a "kiss good morning".

PT · 09-15-2004, 01:34 PM

honestly, i could really care less about a blowjob. i know alot of people are going to say im full of **** or never had a good one but i have had them from the best. say im with my girl and i had a choice, sex or a blowjob. id pick sex 10 times out of 10. and as for foreplay, your not going to be sucked off or your not going to have sex. so what im saying is there are other things id rather be doing during foreplay then gitting my thing sucked. truthfully id rather go down on my girl(i dont have one right now but that sounds better for the sake of the story). its not that i get great pleasure licking her clit, but i love hearing her moan and know she is really enjoying herself. and its not like were not going to cum anyway once we have sex. now if shes on the rag, then of course id take a blowjob over jerking off. its just not my main preferance since im the only one receiving pleasure during it. sorry for some of the language i used but lets be real, we all heard it and used it before.

**DevilsDeity** · 09-15-2004, 01:34 PM

TexasFitnessGirl

you must be a mind reader.

**MIKE_XXL** · 09-15-2004, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by AandF6969

Personally, I like this one a lot better...

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

LMFAO!!!

**MIKE_XXL** · 09-15-2004, 01:41 PM

I preffer eating out

**Dally** · 09-15-2004, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by TexasFitnessGirl

Man, I am going to get some **** for this.......

1. First and foremost, we are obligated to do it! We will gladly ablige any time you like.
2. Extension to rule #1 - When you get one, be grateful, if we know you really like it, guess what? You get it more.
3. We will watch the pornos so we can learn exactly what you like, as matter of fact pick out your favorite and we'll watch it with you.
4. Extension to rule #3 - Yes we will swallow, or drink it in a glass or funnel, or out of the ass end of a camel, if that's what you want us to do!!!
5. Our ears are whatever you want them to be.
6. Extension to rule #5 - push on top of our head. Deep throat has been done, but will always be enjoyable. Additionally, if you really WANT puke on your dick, okay, cool, something new and exciting?
7. it is OK to fart, big boys eat lots of protein, so we understand.
8. Having our period may mean that it's "hummer week" - please understand that we are bloated and we feel like **** so we may rather blow you just because we feel a little uncomfortable right now, if thats okay with you.
9. We will take extra Midol, if needed.
10. We don't want to pause to remove a pubic hair from our teeth, so let's just shave all that **** off. If you need help, we will shave your balls for you, if it will make you more comfortable, we will hold the razor in our teeth while we do it.
11. Asking us to go with you to play video games immediately afterwards is pretty cool, esp if it's Madden or Grand Theft Auto!
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Enjoy the moment & be happy that we're good at it. We were only practicing to be with the best - YOU.
13. Yes it does taste good. And we will take our protein any way we get it - we're bodybuilders!
14. You can watch TV if you want to , but we promise - you won't want to.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, It is very appropriate to smile and gives us a gratifying look.
16. We love to start the day with a "kiss good morning".

PURRFECT... thats MARRIAGE material right there.

thats exactly why I'm gonna marry SK the perfect woman.

"want me to suc your wang baby?" ehheheehe gotta love that! and yes I do after a hard night of partying I need that to feel better in the morning.

PT · 09-15-2004, 03:53 PM

Originally Posted by MIKE_XXL

I preffer eating out

now that all depends on the girl. i think alot of it is psychological, ive been with some of the mos beautiful girls to walk the face of this earth and didnt like going down on them for some reason. and im not saying it stunk or anything like that. ive never had a pusssy that stunk, but if i did i would run the hell out of there. well back to the plot here. but then there were others that i couldnt get enough of. alot depends on how much the girl likes it, if she makes alot of noise and moans(i like girls that do. i cant stand when a girl justlays there and breathes a little heavy then all a sudden says,"im gonna cum) i like girls that yell, scream and talk in the sack. well i guess what im saying is if im with a girl that really enjoys it or needs direct stimulation to her clitoris to cum then i like going down on them. but if they lay there and dont make enough noise to not bore me then im no going down. but then there are girls that just taste better then others for some reason. or if they are real close to or just had there period there juices seem to be stronger and thicker. i have a feeling im going to get flamed pretty harshley for this so im going to stop now. my final thought, if you want to keep your girl you have to do it. unles she never had it done right before. alot of guys just lick around the girls thing and dont actually know were the clit is so there just wasting both there time. wellthis time im really going. if anyone wants a proper lesson on going down on there girl or how to make her multi orgasmic, feel free to pm me and ill give you a free lesson.

**1badcamaro** · 09-15-2004, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by NotSmall

My girlfriend occasionally gives me blowjobs, only when she's fast asleep though!

wow, i was almost in tears that was so funny

**MIKE_XXL** · 09-15-2004, 04:18 PM

It's not about how much the girl likes it, it's about how good you can use your tongue

**rippinup02** · 09-15-2004, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by pietro75

honestly, i could really care less about a blowjob. i know alot of people are going to say im full of **** or never had a good one but i have had them from the best. say im with my girl and i had a choice, sex or a blowjob. id pick sex 10 times out of 10. and as for foreplay, your not going to be sucked off or your not going to have sex. so what im saying is there are other things id rather be doing during foreplay then gitting my thing sucked. truthfully id rather go down on my girl(i dont have one right now but that sounds better for the sake of the story). its not that i get great pleasure licking her clit, but i love hearing her moan and know she is really enjoying herself. and its not like were not going to cum anyway once we have sex. now if shes on the rag, then of course id take a blowjob over jerking off. its just not my main preferance since im the only one receiving pleasure during it. sorry for some of the language i used but lets be real, we all heard it and used it before.

Man I am with you all the way on makin the women happy. But sometimes there is just noting better than a good blowjob!

PT · 09-15-2004, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by MIKE_XXL

It's not about how much the girl likes it, it's about how good you can use your tongue

every girl is different. some girls you can lick there clit like hell for half an hour and they still wont cum. then others i can make cum in just over a minute. like i said there are some girls that need direct stimulation to there clitoris in order to cum. that is why when your phucking some girls they have to rub there clit during sex inorder to cum. you can bang away as hard as you want for as long as you want but they will never cum unless they, or you rub there clit. others, you can phuck for under a minute, and if you do them real hard they will cum so quick. but the one thing every girl has in common is they all like to be phucked hard and fast. noone likes the slow gentel love making. they want nailed. and they want it hard.

**w_rballs** · 09-15-2004, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by TexasFitnessGirl

Man, I am going to get some **** for this.......

1. First and foremost, we are obligated to do it! We will gladly ablige any time you like.
2. Extension to rule #1 - When you get one, be grateful, if we know you really like it, guess what? You get it more.
3. We will watch the pornos so we can learn exactly what you like, as matter of fact pick out your favorite and we'll watch it with you.
4. Extension to rule #3 - Yes we will swallow, or drink it in a glass or funnel, or out of the ass end of a camel, if that's what you want us to do!!!
5. Our ears are whatever you want them to be.
6. Extension to rule #5 - push on top of our head. Deep throat has been done, but will always be enjoyable. Additionally, if you really WANT puke on your dick, okay, cool, something new and exciting?
7. it is OK to fart, big boys eat lots of protein, so we understand.
8. Having our period may mean that it's "hummer week" - please understand that we are bloated and we feel like **** so we may rather blow you just because we feel a little uncomfortable right now, if thats okay with you.
9. We will take extra Midol, if needed.
10. We don't want to pause to remove a pubic hair from our teeth, so let's just shave all that **** off. If you need help, we will shave your balls for you, if it will make you more comfortable, we will hold the razor in our teeth while we do it.
11. Asking us to go with you to play video games immediately afterwards is pretty cool, esp if it's Madden or Grand Theft Auto!
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Enjoy the moment & be happy that we're good at it. We were only practicing to be with the best - YOU.
13. Yes it does taste good. And we will take our protein any way we get it - we're bodybuilders!
14. You can watch TV if you want to , but we promise - you won't want to.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, It is very appropriate to smile and gives us a gratifying look.
16. We love to start the day with a "kiss good morning".

IM IN LOVE!!!!! marry me TexasFitnessGirl :spudniksw