Thread: one of those days....
09-26-2004, 12:46 PM #1
one of those days....
allright, ya'll have the balls to talk about your relationships or the lack of 'round here and I normally skip those threads as I never understood what it felt like and as a result didn't have anything helpful to say.....
well, guess it's my turn to wander aimlessly through this new life alone. I've recently seen my 10 year relationship end with my best friend. Within one week of moving out, he had a girl and no longer needed or wanted to talk to me, much less spend any time with me. So, I did the smart thing and haven't talked to or seen him since. So, three weeks later I'm finally starting to process all this information wonder how the heck i'm going to move on?
i just re-read that and thought to myself, **** you sound pathetic...just move on!! So, i guess what I need from ya'll is the reassurance that this is pretty normal and it'll go away.....****, I wouldn't wish these feelings on anybody....today's one of those days when I wish I hated him.
09-26-2004, 12:58 PM #2Originally Posted by kc
09-26-2004, 12:58 PM #3
It gets easier don't you worry. I was married for 7 years. In that 7 years she had ran off all my friends. Who knows how or why but she did.
Now after a year I am having fun again and yes I still get lonely at times BUT I am better off now. I try to keep busy. I date a lot and I go to the gym daily. Luckily a good group of my old friends are single still so I managed to work my way back in with them. We hit the clubs all the time.
09-26-2004, 01:00 PM #4Originally Posted by JDawg1536
09-26-2004, 01:06 PM #5
Im sorry to hear that... i still get those feelings time to time from my ex of 2 years. So 10 years with someone must be even harder. Keep yourself busy is the best way to keep him from your thoughs.
Originally Posted by kc
09-26-2004, 01:07 PM #6Originally Posted by kc
09-26-2004, 01:21 PM #7
we've been best friends since day 1, dated, lived together and made our parents happy by getting married. Basically, we've been roommates for 10 years. All things sexual seemed to be closer to friend sex than marriage sex. We were the "perfect couple" because of our friendship. We have fun, party, laugh, play sports and spend all our free time together. Being the adults we like to think we are, we talk about what we want from life. We want VERY different things in life, mostly in geographical location. We discussed seperating to see how we really felt about each other, how important the things that were very different between us really were for us and to give us both a chance to figure it out. I move out, 4 days later he's asking for divorce cuz he can't have sex without it, 3 days later he's having sex and i'm still reeling over having to do the paperwork. It's been 3 weeks since that night, I'm sitting at work finishg up the divorce paperwork and it just feels way early. I'm not looking for anybody to bash my boy, cuz he's still my boy but the biggest thing for me is that I've lost my best friend, the one reason we decided to do this was to KEEP that friendship. ugh, little bit of everything today apparently. So, I just put all the finalized documents into an envelope, ready for signatures but couldn't sign them, wtf, how do you know it's the right decision?
09-26-2004, 01:23 PM #8
Ive seen other media fronts where women discuss this issue and I believe that they all agreed(well the ones that were in your situation) that it takes the same time apart as it does that you spent together to totally forget about the "ex" ..now I dont know if thats true or not..and I would imagine that it will take some time and that you should try to keep as busy as possible with things to do..and to possibly start dating again...or not.. but also keep in mind that you have alot of friends here KC that are here for you during the good and bad times to offer advice and hopefully cheer you up as well
09-26-2004, 01:25 PM #9
Thats ****ed up... just 4 days later hes ready to have sex with someone else and get a divorce. I dont know how someone could do that to a loved one of 10 years
Originally Posted by kc
09-26-2004, 01:25 PM #10Originally Posted by kc
09-26-2004, 01:32 PM #11
mass : thanks man, figured this would be the place i could figure out what the hell i think without having to actually verbalize anything...apparently that's my weakness.
JH: it's ****ed up but Mr. Death is right, boy's been thinkin about it awhile....was apparently more ready than I was for this to happen. Guess maybe it shouldn't be effecting me like this but I don't think I understood when I agreed to move out that the whole thing was over....that's just now starting to hit me.
Mr. Death...naa not too harsh, i'd only expect solid honesty from the people 'round here, which is why i spilled. Only thing I need right now is the backbone and courage from ya'll. As far as me moving on, dating and stuff...I'm out there having fun, dating and generally trying to do my thing....just gonna be some pretty tuff days ahead i'm sure. Last home game for the Rockies today, we had tickets....now he's takin his chick. Stuff like that just makes me sad....
09-26-2004, 02:07 PM #12
if its 4days later, he was already out of the relationship long ago.. just draggin you along or something to that effect, my motto is this, he adapted to it, so should you.. nothing makes you forget the last one, like the next one.. life is shorts, hes replacable and remember you have a ton of great things that alot of guys will follow you around for.. good luck
09-26-2004, 02:09 PM #13Originally Posted by kc
09-26-2004, 02:19 PM #14Retired Vet
Originally Posted by mass junkie
- Join Date
- Feb 2004
09-26-2004, 02:29 PM #15
**** kc your friend sounds like he was more than ready to get back
on the market well keep your head up and keep banging.
09-26-2004, 02:35 PM #16Associate Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2003
- Aukland, NZ
I feel your pain.
All I can say is that you know what you need to do. It is so easy to say you need to move on and get on with your life... Actually doing that is another thing. It's not as easy as it sounds, but like one of the Bro's mentioned, you do seem to have a lot of friends on here that you can lean on for support.
It's safe to say that if the Ex has moved on to having sex just a few days after he moved out... It's over for good, and regardless of how much you like him or want to be friends, it is probably best if you both just go you separate ways. You trying to keep him in the picture and wanting to stay close, is just going to hurt you. It's not going to be fair for yourself.
Like I said, it's easy to talk about. Now do it. Surround yourself with people that WANT to be with you, and move on. It's not easy, but I can tell that even you know it's the right thing to do at this stage. Sign the papers, wish him the best of luck, then go take care of yourself.
I have been through something similar. Remember, time heals everything.
09-26-2004, 03:36 PM #17
Yes that sounds very true. I dont think there is anyway someone could move on in 4days unless its already been over for sometime (in their mind). I know what u mean... u think your taking a little break or something and bim its totally over. U guys must have been on different pages if your taking it so hard and hes not. Also thats natural for you to feel that way, so take sometime out... dont try to force yourself to date because its only going to get ugly.
Originally Posted by kc
09-26-2004, 08:15 PM #18
KC - I wish I had words of advice for you but I'm having the same problem getting over mine. Time does heal the pain and emptiness. Each day gets a little easier. The hard part is realizing that you were in love with someone you really don't recognize right now. That's how I feel anyway. The man I fell in love with wouldn't hurt me this way. You know in your heart that if he's with someone after 4 days, he was with her before. You deserve better (hmmm I should listen to my own advice)!
You're gonna be fine KC I have faith. Put all that anger and negative energy into your training. You'll be a monster before you know it ...it's working for me
09-27-2004, 06:59 AM #19
kc, they've all given you great advice. I don't have any more to add, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and hope it's easier to get over this than it may seem at the moment.
09-27-2004, 07:40 AM #20
KC.....sorry to read this about you. Getting over a 10 year relationship is going to be rough.....but we've no doubt you'll get past it. Find stuff to keep your mind busy...go to the gym, get out of the house, anything outdoors....something to occupy your time.
And a a few weeks you'll have a husband burning party....something I noticed women do after a relationship is completely over. They gather up all the crap they left behind as well as pictures and such and invite the girlfriends over and with a huge amount of drink in their system they set it on fire. If possible they toss on the ex, provided he's tied up real good.
09-27-2004, 07:43 AM #21
thanks guys, it's way good to hear this stuff. All my friends here are telling me the same thing and I'm (normally) ok with everything, just have those days when nothing seems to make sense. I have never had anything in my life that I couldn't accept and blow past until now and apparently i'm not good at "dealing" with stuff. I don't take much seriously and this must have been the one thing I did. but, thank you....today's better and tomorrow will suck because I need to get the rest of my stuff out of my apt so I can give him my key, so he can pass it on to his girl. Ugh, breathe, lift hard, run and sleep. My 4 rules for this week
Mass...****, knew i could count on you to make me laugh!
Everybody else...ya'll are 100% right, now if you have a trick to actually putting into action what you know is right...let me know
I'll probably use this board as kind of a sounding board...I'm really not very good on leaning on people (i'm always the one with the shoulder) and I know there are people in my life that probably want me to that....just feels like weakness to me and i'm terrible at that. so..I get a couple of months to act like a girl then i'll be back to my old self
Thanks again guys and girls
09-27-2004, 07:56 AM #22
Oh KC, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it hurts and no matter what anyone says, that hurt isn't going away anytime soon...if so, it will only be temporary. You asked how you were supposed to know if it's the "right thing to do". It's the right thing because he is your best friend, you love him and probably always will. I hate to sound cliche', but when you love something, sometimes you do have to "set it free" or let it go.
Think about the wonderful 10 years you both had, be thankful that he was a good enough friend to leave instead of putting you through years of sh*tty living, be glad that he's happy, and be glad that you can meet new people and experience new things and live out your ambitions without being held back.
Furthermore, I'm always up for casual sex with a hottie like yourself, PM me anytime to make arrangements
09-27-2004, 08:01 AM #23Originally Posted by co2boi
sweet, i'm totally up for that this week, little stress release would feel good!!
09-27-2004, 08:12 AM #24
KC I do know what is feels like. I was married for 10 yrs and went through the big D. It gets easier. I have been single now for 7yrs and it gets easier. Specially I get to see what he is with now. That is funny. She is a big girl. Just work out and put all that stress out in our workout. You will do great. Keep smiling and take care. HB2
09-27-2004, 08:27 AM #25Originally Posted by kc
09-27-2004, 08:46 AM #26Originally Posted by co2boi
it's been so long, you're probably right.....dang, need to maybe focus on making that one friend who's always up for that...
09-27-2004, 08:51 AM #27Originally Posted by kc
09-27-2004, 08:53 AM #28Originally Posted by co2boi
09-27-2004, 08:55 AM #29Originally Posted by kc
09-27-2004, 09:03 AM #30
Sounds like this is the best for you. It is quite obvious that he left the relationship way before asking you to move out bla bla bla...
Time is the only thing that can make the pain go away. I was a mess for awhile after my last gf but now looking back it was all good as far as what i learned from it etc...i had about 6 months in between and have just begun seeing someone else. Things will be different this time as i won't jump into anything like i normally do...just gonna take it one day at a time and have a if it happens it happens type attitude.
Good luck and let us know how everything is going....oh and don't forget to smile...
09-27-2004, 09:15 AM #31
i'm always finding reasons to laugh and have a good time....so, not allowing that to change will really help me i'm sure
09-27-2004, 09:27 AM #32
Just remember that you are the most important thing and that you come first. Your feelings for him will always be there but you know you must move on..we only have one life and moving forward is the way to go, not backwards.
Keep your chin up beautiful...it all gets better...
09-27-2004, 09:30 AM #33
it's all good......
09-27-2004, 09:50 AM #34
10 years of marrige and he walk off with another woman?
Sounds like a right card.
09-27-2004, 10:26 AM #35
naa, 10 year relationship
dated for 4 years
lived together for 3 years
married for 3 years
09-29-2004, 07:58 AM #36
I handed my keys over, packed up anything I wanted and said the final goodbye to my old apt. Now my new apt has a few extra boxes, a few too many memories and me. Tuff night.
One good thing did come out of it. I got there, wasted no time in packing while the man was in the shower so by the time he was done and dressed (to go see his chick later) I was done as well. As a result, we both picked a piece of kitchen counter to sit on and we talked for a couple hours. Felt good to have at least a little bit of my best friend back, even if it was for a little while. It made him sad that I feared he'd have no reason for contact now that all my stuff is gone and the papers are filed. We'll see....talk is easy, action is the truth.
09-29-2004, 08:21 AM #37
from what i have read of you KC you sound like a cool a$$ chick i know it is tough to end a relationship and i am sure it is even tougher to end one with someone you call your best friend but you are strong enough to come out of this with a smile on your face and your head up. What guy would not want to date a girl that gets tickets to the games with him (ofcourse if it was me it would have to be the astros). Keep your head up and just take it one day at a time some will be harder than others but we all have you back if you need to vent or just come in hear and let off some steam there is always someone here to listen and pick you up
09-29-2004, 08:26 AM #38
Thanks. It's easy to vent on here, verbalize updates and how i'm feeling so I'll probably do that. Doesn't hurt that ya'll can pick me up when I need it
09-29-2004, 08:27 AM #39Originally Posted by kc
Really sorry this happened to such a cool gurlie KC.
09-29-2004, 08:31 AM #40
It's all good.....Originally Posted by co2boi
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