Thirty things porno producers would have us believe...

**markas214** · 09-23-2004, 02:59 PM

Thirty things porno producers would have us believe...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman, 10 secs is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy ****s.

11. People in the 70's couldn't **** unless there was a wild guitar
solo in
the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. When two men are tag-teaming a girl, they always "high five" each
other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes,
the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of **** out of you if you shove
your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by

giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses always suck patients' cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
she'll only be momentarily pissed off before ****ing the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
remind
her to "suck it."

26. Assholes are always clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
trousers
and find a cock there

29. Men don't have to beg.

And finally...

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
firmly
on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
hip

**BigGreen** · 09-23-2004, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by markas214

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

26. Assholes are always clean.

Though, it must be stated in the issue of full disclosure, that some people (Juggy, Rambo, Cycleon) go to great lengths to get their mitts on porn in which these two rules are not only mocked, but totally broken. Sick bastards.

**cb25** · 09-23-2004, 03:05 PM

classic.

**FCECC2** · 09-23-2004, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by markas214

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
firmly
on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
hip

its a natural habit for me

**Mr. Death** · 09-23-2004, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by markas214

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by

giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

I don't get this one. I've only been with one girl that didn't like a good smack on the ass.

**decadbal** · 09-23-2004, 05:36 PM

great thread..lol

**DevilsDeity** · 09-23-2004, 05:54 PM

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. <--LOL i do that

**AandF6969** · 09-23-2004, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by markas214

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
remind
her to "suck it."

I LOVE IT!!

**DevilsDeity** · 09-23-2004, 06:01 PM

what about 31. Spit is an acceptable lubricant for butt sex

**MrDezel** · 09-23-2004, 06:03 PM

Great post!

**kloter1** · 09-23-2004, 07:15 PM

haaha #25 is the best. great post dude.

**arnold1980** · 09-23-2004, 07:50 PM

Originally Posted by DevilsDeity

what about 31. Spit is an acceptable lubricant for butt sex

lmao that should definietly be in there

**bigordie** · 09-23-2004, 07:55 PM

17. Asian men don't exist.

lmao

**cb25** · 09-23-2004, 08:18 PM

i just emailed this to my girl...her response:

"wait, you mean those *aren't* true?

**Spoon** · 09-23-2004, 08:29 PM

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
sperm.

its true they do smile. at least with me they do

**R.Gotti** · 09-23-2004, 08:30 PM

you watch a lot of porno dont you.

**Ryanhallmark** · 09-23-2004, 08:36 PM

Sound like my house just about every friday.

**TooSmall** · 09-23-2004, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by R.Gotti

you watch a lot of porno dont you.

you dont?

**nathanw21** · 09-23-2004, 08:45 PM

this is the perfect thread for a bunch of "juicers" i know i am going to watch a porn now!

**R.Gotti** · 09-23-2004, 09:11 PM

Originally Posted by TooSmall

you dont?

I have it too small

for that.

**gya321** · 09-23-2004, 09:54 PM

good sh1t

**bermich** · 09-23-2004, 10:55 PM

Funny thread. I like it and have thought the same thing about all those. Cant even watch porn anymore due to all those things.

Im gonna start a REALITY PORN company.

1: Girls on periods will go to the closet to grab a towel to put under them so they dont stain their sheets.
2: Blowjobs will NEVER end up in ejaculation because (how often does that happen)
3: While getting a blowie from your GFs best friend, she walks in and beats the **** out of both of you and the sex is over without finishing
4: The girl gets upset cause the guy isnt erect and she starts asking if she is doing something wrong
5: The batteries on the vibrater start to go out just as she is about to have an orgasm.
6: The phone rings causing you to lose concentration wondering if it is your other booty call.
7: The girl gets pissed cause you are watching the porn on tv instead of paying attention to her while having sex.

**Ketogenic** · 09-23-2004, 10:58 PM

21. Nurses always suck patients' cocks.

lmao

**hung-solo** · 09-24-2004, 05:39 AM

Originally Posted by Spoon

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
sperm.

its true they do smile. at least with me they do

hahah until you get them in the eye! hahahhaa whooops!

**Elysium** · 09-24-2004, 05:58 AM

Originally Posted by markas214

3. When going down on a woman, 10 secs is more than satisfactory.

Wish someone would of told me this before

**jonnytour** · 09-24-2004, 07:22 AM

That is some funny sh1t!! I love it!! Keep up the good work bro's!!

**Mesomorphyl** · 09-24-2004, 09:15 AM

Its great to actually use some of this top 30 list, speaking for myself I am a little short but at least it's thin... oh, I make up for this by being really quick

**Anhydro78** · 09-24-2004, 09:58 PM

Originally Posted by markas214

Thirty things porno producers would have us believe...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

Mine does

2. Men are never impotent.

I never am

3. When going down on a woman, 10 secs is more than satisfactory.

Sometimes I just like to get it nice and wet

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

I wish I caught girls masterbating

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
sperm.

My girlfreind has laughed when I done this to her

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

yeah prolly not

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

You would be suprised what my girl tells me ( i want to taste you) that allways gets me going. And a hummer is allways great!!!

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

If a my girlfreind orgasims I ussually nut right then and there

9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding ticket.

I would think this would be true

10. All women are noisy ****s.

Mine is

11. People in the 70's couldn't **** unless there was a wild guitar
solo in
the background.

No comment

12. Those tits are real.

who cares

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

I smack my girlfreind with mine in many places and she likes it.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

My eyes might cross

15. When two men are tag-teaming a girl, they always "high five" each
other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)

funny

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

I have met girls like this

17. Asian men don't exist.

Do they??

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes,
the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of **** out of you if you shove
your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

I hate those!!!

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by

giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

Mine likes it

21. Nurses always suck patients' cocks.

I wish!!!
22. Men always pull out.

No comment

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
she'll only be momentarily pissed off before ****ing the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
remind
her to "suck it."

Why not???

26. Assholes are always clean.

They are if they take an inima

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
trousers
and find a cock there

29. Men don't have to beg.

And finally...

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
firmly
on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
hip

Mine will lay there and tell me to Fock her head!!! I like it!!!!!

Really me and my girlfreind do it like pornstars, when we first started dating we have went through entire bottles of KY in one night. Very fun!!!!!!