09-28-2004, 06:43 AM #1
Rules for dating my daughter - dads will like this one.
found this on the blogger website www.blackfive.net
Blackfive, the Paratrooper of Love, is a retired Army paratrooper who operates a blog site. The following is his Ten Simple Rules for Dating his Daughter. Good humorous read . . . if you have daughters of your own you probably have entertained similar thoughts.
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Ten Simple Rules for Dating Blackfive's Daughter
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package because you’re sure as hell not picking anything up. And when you do make it to the door, you had better not be on your cell phone. Respect me and my family and you'll live through the night.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them...with my Randall Knife...that I keep rusty and dull for just such an occasion.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
When you are talking with your friends and acting cool, don't malign my daughter's reputation. I'll know if you do. And, when you're b.s.-ing around with them and you think that you might have seen me behind that tree, you probably did.
In order for us to get to know each other, you might think that we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early".
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry...a lot.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour has gone by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for a movie you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there why don’t’ you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool
Places where there are no parent’s, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are ok.
Old folk homes are better.
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowoing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and 5 acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. I have a hearing loss and it takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for an Iraqi Republican Guard (Soviet) T-72 tank. When my stress level gets too high, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then turn and run back to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face that you see in the window is mine...
09-28-2004, 06:53 AM #2ttuPrincess Guest
lol Ive seen those before... WAY TO MANY TIMES.... my dad had them hung up on the fridge from when I turned 16
09-28-2004, 06:58 AM #3
I Can't wait till I have a daughter.. I feel bad for any guy thats going to date her lol
09-28-2004, 07:06 AM #4ttuPrincess Guest
couldnt be anything bad as my dad... my 1st date, my dad answered the door with his pistol tucked in the belt loop of his pants with his hand on it
and had all the rifels laid out for "cleaning" around the living room
lets say i didnt bring a boy home again for a long long time.
09-28-2004, 07:08 AM #5
please god dont let me have a daughter
09-28-2004, 07:10 AM #6Originally Posted by ttuPrincess
Last edited by hung-solo; 09-28-2004 at 07:13 AM.
09-28-2004, 07:11 AM #7Originally Posted by allsaucedup
09-28-2004, 07:55 AM #8
i do all that, and will never stop... let his old ass walk out with a shotgun, HnK will answer it...
09-28-2004, 08:01 AM #9
lol, good stuff
09-28-2004, 08:14 AM #10
I've met one guy in my house with my 9 on the counter. He had helped her run away a few times. When he walked in my door I introduced myself and explained to him that if she disappeared again I was coming after him. Everyone warned me to be careful because he was a "Blood" from the hood, blah blah blah. I told him I didn't care what gang he "supposedly" belonged to....he couldn't out run my bullet.
He never came in my house again!
09-28-2004, 08:22 AM #11Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
i am confused? hahaaha sorry can you clerify that please?
09-28-2004, 08:24 AM #12
LOL Ok....screw with me and my daughter and I will put a bullet in YOU.
09-28-2004, 08:27 AM #13Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
09-28-2004, 08:28 AM #14Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
09-28-2004, 08:29 AM #15
If i have a daughter, I have one small rule... She has to be a nun. Ive already talked to my wife about this and shes against it, but ill win in the end.
09-28-2004, 09:14 AM #16VET
- Join Date
- Sep 2001
09-28-2004, 09:21 AM #17Originally Posted by KeyMastur
09-28-2004, 10:59 AM #18Originally Posted by hung-solo
09-28-2004, 11:11 AM #19Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
09-28-2004, 11:28 AM #20
My rule #1 No dating till she is 30
09-28-2004, 04:47 PM #21ttuPrincess GuestOriginally Posted by KeyMastur
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