The Official "Marry BigGreen" Thread

[BigGreen]

I am now accepting applications for the position of 'wife', as I've decided it would be kinda sweet to have one. Applications will be accepted on a rolling basis until October 15th, 2004. At that point, qualified candidates will be invited to interview for the position. Please note, this posting is not limited to AR, however.

My accomplishments, and thus desirability, speak for themselves. Here on this board, I have:

1. Authored several of the FAQ 'posts', including this gem on ordering through the mail that several newbies have no doubt found INVALUABLE. http://67.18.108.244//faq.php?faq=ob...roids#faq_mail

2. To the delight of thousands (i estimate) I spent an entire weekend posting entirely in old english (or, "olde englifh" if you prefer). I did not confine this tomfoolery merely to the lounge, and ventured into several of the main forums with my act.

3. Began ARs coolest thread "10 Random Things About You" (http://67.18.108.244//showthread.php?t=41652)

4. Introduced an initiative to parody threads in the lounge which is still in its infancy.

5. Founded the original AR fantasy football league

Off the board, my accomplishments are not nearly as impressive, but still existent, as I have:
*gone to some schools
*won some junk
*never worked a real job ever (this is an awesome accomplishment)
*secured myself a pet rat

I expect to receive several applications for this position. Though BigGreen is an equal opportunity employer, I regret that this position is open only to AR's female members and/or moderators regardless of sex. That being said, I can not in good conscience marry someone old enough and of the same necessary sex to be my father - so I'm sure i will be hit with a discrimination lawsuit from Cycleon.

Also, be aware that a portion of this procedure may involved writing a "why me" essay which will be publicly posted in this thread. That is all.

[BigGreen]

OH yes, how do i go about getting this made a sticky? Also, should it be linked from the female forum in case some of our female members don't frequent the lounge?

[1badcamaro]

i didnt think you'd ever stoop to a personal ad.........come on bro, you can't be that ugly

[kc]

Well, what the hell. This thread will entertain me for sure so why not post in it. I, however, will give you the why NOT me's instead of the why me's.

Why Big Green should never consider marrying me..... please, I have no confidence issues, I just don't play the game so please, laugh with me....

1) I'm married....in general this means you can't marry anybody else.
2) I'm single....but married? wtf?
3) I apparently have issues for the first time in my life, wouldn't wish a chick with issues on any guy.
4) I spend too much time in the gym...eventually that would piss you off.
5) I like fast cars and fast bikes...again, it'll piss you off.
6) I read like a fiend....3 or 5 books a week, no problem.
7) I eat too many egg whites....12 to 18 a day, something about the shells that will piss you off...
8) I don't sleep....good if you're up too but bad if you're tryin to sleep.
9) Redbull makes me crazy....again, good and bad depending on your mood
10) I like to watch WWE and action movies, quoting them before you can will piss you off.
11) I can't stand a mess
12) I'm fanatical about my car, gets detailed (by me) every week.
13) I like my music much too loud... "can't hear yourself think"
14) I have too many shoes.....yes, females do that
15) My job is stressful, professional, rewarding and makes me financially stable


there you go....

[decadbal]

keep your eyes and hands off blown sc...

[w_rballs]

mass and mart told me they were looking for "life partners". u might want to hit them up on PM biggreen. and please do everyone a favor on the board and keep it to Pm. i dont want to know anything about it!

[BigGreen]

i didnt think you'd ever stoop to a personal ad.........come on bro, you can't be that ugly

I have and I am. I frighten small children. As I've said, my eyes and nose are in the right general place, but it ends there and heads precipitously downhill.

[1badcamaro]

I have and I am. I frighten small children. As I've said, my eyes and nose are in the right general place, but it ends there and heads precipitously downhill.

well there are always blind women

[itsallmental]

im confused on #2, but i'll marry you i guess

[Red Ketchup]

I frighten small children.

What about large children? Do you also frighten large children?

Red

[R.Gotti]

we have a lovely gay community in this thread

[TexasFitnessGirl]

This is only my pre-application hopefully I won't have to go any further.

1. I love football
2. I love housework
3. I will obey your every command
4. I will cook every meal
5. I will pay all the bills
6. You can have sex whenever you want
7. You can go out with your friends whenever you want
8. You can have sex with whomever you want
9. I will think you are by far the sexiest man alive
10. I like football


Did I win?? and where is my ****ing set of free steak knives?

[little-one]

[QUOTE=TexasFitnessGirl]This is only my pre-application hopefully I won't have to go any further.

1. I love football
2. I love housework
3. I will obey your every command
4. I will cook every meal
5. I will pay all the bills
6. You can have sex whenever you want
7. You can go out with your friends whenever you want
8. You can have sex with whomever you want
9. I will think you are by far the sexiest man alive
10. I like football

Thats all good but would you be willing to have sex with me and my wife??? Oh im sorry this isnt my thread....sorry biggreen

[rambo]

MAN. Screw that pontificating prole-bait.

Have my children.

This is only my pre-application hopefully I won't have to go any further.

1. I love football
2. I love housework
3. I will obey your every command
4. I will cook every meal
5. I will pay all the bills
6. You can have sex whenever you want
7. You can go out with your friends whenever you want
8. You can have sex with whomever you want
9. I will think you are by far the sexiest man alive
10. I like football


Did I win?? and where is my ****ing set of free steak knives?

[Blown_SC]

keep your eyes and hands off blown sc...

LMFAO....

Thanks for lookin' out for me snookems....

[BigGreen]

MAN. Screw that pontificating prole-bait.

Have my children.

Get off my thread.....i need to be married by the new year or I'll be deported.

[BigGreen]

9. I will think you are by far the sexiest man alive

You should already think this...points have been deducted accordingly.

Did I win?? and where is my ****ing set of free steak knives?

the free steak knives will arrive in six to eight weeks provided you filled out all forms in triplicate. If you did not get forms, please PM me for copies and allow six to eight weeks for delivery of the forms.

[itsallmental]

Get off my thread.....i need to be married by the new year or I'll be deported.