Holiday issues...need some advice

**JKali** · 10-07-2004, 10:00 AM

Hey guys. There are always an array of responses and viewpoints whenever anyone posts here so I thought I'd give it a shot and get some feed back. Yes, it's relationship based so if that bores you don't bother reading futher. Thanks in advance for any comments.

My ex and I were dating for over a year and took a three month break (we boht saw other people, but when I started seeing someone that's when he decided he couldn't be without me and wanted to give it another chance). We've been back together now since August and everything he's been saying is about the two of us being a unit and he's been really enforcing the idea that we should be the number one person in each other's lives. OK, so I'm listening and trying my best to trust him and be open again. Then the issue of holidays comes up. We both live on the east coast (his family is east coast), but my family is all west coast. Over the past year I basically spent every holiday with his family. We already agreed to spend Thanksgiving together, but whenever I start pushing the issue for him to spend Christmas with me he has every excuse as to why that's not a good idea and how he should be with "his family" and suddenly the discussion becomes about him and me forcing him into a corner and that i'm making him "prove his love" for me. I see it as the holidays are about being with loved ones and we should be together first and foremost and it shouldn't matter whose family we are with. It doesn't help that my family really dislikes him after the "break" situation.

What do you think? Am I totally wrong to be making this such a big issue?

**Elysium** · 10-07-2004, 10:08 AM

To be honest i would turn round and say yea, totally agree with ya, i think you should be with your family, and i believe i should be with mine. Dont cave into him, just agree, tell him hes right and say that you are gonna spend it with yours. If it turns around and says something then just say that hes "forcing you into a corner" and that hes making you "prove your love"

Just switch it on him

**trailrider38** · 10-07-2004, 10:09 AM

relationships are about sharing, if you are going to be with your family for thanksgiving then he gets the next holiday with his parents... it's allways a give and take.

**allsaucedup** · 10-07-2004, 10:09 AM

one family should get thanksgiving and one family should get christmas only fair. On the other hand i am really tight with my family and him wanting to spend the time with his is understandable but he needs to understand that you probably want to see your fam too and if you are going to be together on the holidays then he will have to make some sacrafices. You should tell him you are going to see your family for christmass and you would like him to spend christmass with you but if he will not come you are going anyways

**JKali** · 10-07-2004, 10:22 AM

It's hard because with flights costs I try to book in advance so that it doesn't cost and arm and a leg. I thought we could try to "split" the holdiay so to speak, so I made my flight home Christmas night (i'm literally taking a red eye) back to NY, but he won't try to work it out with me. He says, "I didn't ask you to do that." We both just started new jobs so vacation time is limited, but he doesn't even want to discuss "splitting." He's pretty much said, you do your thing and I'll do mine. It's so frustrating because we always see his family.

**Panzerfaust** · 10-07-2004, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by JKali

It's hard because with flights costs I try to book in advance so that it doesn't cost and arm and a leg. I thought we could try to "split" the holdiay so to speak, so I made my flight home Christmas night (i'm literally taking a red eye) back to NY, but he won't try to work it out with me. He says, "I didn't ask you to do that." We both just started new jobs so vacation time is limited, but he doesn't even want to discuss "splitting." He's pretty much said, you do your thing and I'll do mine. It's so frustrating because we always see his family.

Sounds like the typical asshole, i have no sympathy for you if you continue to put up with bullshiat like that. Sorry!

**JKali** · 10-07-2004, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by muriloninja

Sounds like the typical asshole, i have no sympathy for you if you continue to put up with bullshiat like that. Sorry!

I'm not looking for your sympathy. What I want to know is whether or not I am out of line to fight on this subject. I think after a year, it's not unreasonable to request spending the holiday together, but he seems to think you should be at a higher level (living together/married) before you spend the major holidays with one family over another. I wanted to know how other people felt about this subject.