MY LIFE!!! The latest installment...

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 05:10 PM

Ok guys, for those who have ready my previous thread you will know the situation im in at home.

My mom kinda just dropped a bombshell on me, she has cancer.

We had an arguement, talking about money and stuff, she is unemployed and is a drug addict (although she insists she is off heroin, she still takes methadone). It was a massive arguement about her contributing to the house, i told her to get a job, told her she could get one if she wanted. The arguement took place between me, her and her partner.

They both explained that the reason she was ill etc was coz she had stomach cancer, she has had this since october 2002. They didnt want to tell me.

She was told she had between 6 months, and 6 years very maximum to live.

I explained to her that the fact she doesnt have long to live should motivate her to sort herself out, i said to her do you want to live your last days like this? Why arent you sortin your **** out?!

Kinda hit me hard, she told me like 10 mins ago.

Im 19, i havent told my bro, he is 18.

dont know what to say to be honest, kinda still sinking in. moms gonna die

**bigordie** · 10-12-2004, 05:19 PM

**** bro im sorry to hear that, be strong

**Prime** · 10-12-2004, 05:31 PM

dont know what to say. Sounds like you have been given alot of **** to deal with.

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 07:10 PM

Hey guys, well its 2:30am in the UK, i went to bed earlier and was just lying awake thinking of this whole thing.

Feel a bit guilty, im annoyed with her, im annoyed she didnt tell me sooner, im annoyed she isnt doing anything to help herself.

I thought to myself i dont want my mom to die not having a single good memory, i cant think of a single memory, a day, a moment that me and her have had which is good.

this is kinda put me over the edge, im pretty ****ed up at the mo

**itsallmental** · 10-12-2004, 07:30 PM

**** bro, i'm here with ya. my grandad passed a way about a week ago, and now my grandmother is in the hospital with the same problem, so i know how you feel except i kinda dont, since this is your mom and not your grandmom. be strong though, if she doesnt motivate herself then your gonna have to do the job for her. dont let her sit at home and not do nothing bro, do anything you can to keep her out of the house.

if you keep her in the house, reality sinks in harshly to you and your mom, and you will only be thinking about death and when her time comes. do anything you can to create some unforgettable memories bro, cuzz if you dont, and she leaves this world, your gonna feel unbelievably bad in the end, even if you dont like her

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by itsallmental

**** bro, i'm here with ya. my grandad passed a way about a week ago, and now my grandmother is in the hospital with the same problem, so i know how you feel except i kinda dont, since this is your mom and not your grandmom. be strong though, if she doesnt motivate herself then your gonna have to do the job for her. dont let her sit at home and not do nothing bro, do anything you can to keep her out of the house.

if you keep her in the house, reality sinks in harshly to you and your mom, and you will only be thinking about death and when her time comes. do anything you can to create some unforgettable memories bro, cuzz if you dont, and she leaves this world, your gonna feel unbelievably bad in the end, even if you dont like her

tryed everything, trust me bro i have. i just found out she has "stage 4" stomach cancer.

basically that means that you are considered to be doing VERY well if you have lasted 2 years, and that only 5% of stage 4 people live at LEAST 5 years. Thats 1 in 20.

Stage 4 is the most common

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 07:41 PM

falls into number 2, she hasnt taken care of me, or my bro. she is not a very nice person, she has been to prison numerous times and is a major drug user. numerous times when i was younger me and my bro were neglected often being left with no food or electricity. she has no aims, no hopes, no desire to succeed.

**itsallmental** · 10-12-2004, 07:46 PM

whut the hell happend to my post? i wanted to edit the fukker not delete it.

but back to the topic

its solely up to you to change her, if you have tried all you can bro, then just let it go.it might sound a little sad, but some people just never change.

heres a story, not to bring back old memories but, when i was 1st grade i grew up with this kid named kenny, he was the biggest dick to me and to everyone else, he had no friends, and he was the 'bully' if you wanna call em. in middle school, at 8th grade he started smokin weed, hung out with alot of african americans, and still tried to bully everyone around. he even tried started junk with me, but nothing serious. he had ADD, and some other sort of birth defect but he didnt care. he ran away from home one night, and his parents didnt care to look for him untill the 2nd night he was gone. they found him dead, trying to dig a hole through a hill horizontally out in the country side of our town. only about 11 people showed up to this kids funeral.

just goes to show bro, the way you live life reflects on anything/everything youve ever done untill the day you die. its up to you now to point things in the right direction, if you want to.........

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 07:46 PM

u deleted ure post?

**Blown_SC** · 10-12-2004, 07:52 PM

I'm very very sorry to hear bro...

You're a young one like me, and I know that it's a lot to deal with...
Be strong, for you, and your Mom...
Do your best to be strong for your brother too...
I know it's hard...
From what I've seen of you so far, you have a strong character...
I believe you'll be ok brutha...
If you ever need to talk, just PM me... I lost my best friend to cancer...
We're here with you bro...
Best regards....

**FRANK WHITE** · 10-12-2004, 07:57 PM

Sorry to hear the news U.K. Best wishes to you and your family.

**Commando_Barbi** · 10-12-2004, 07:58 PM

So sorry to hear about your situation. It's a lot to deal with at such a young age.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

C.B.

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by Blown_SC

I'm very very sorry to hear bro...

You're a young one like me, and I know that it's a lot to deal with...
Be strong, for you, and your Mom...
Do your best to be strong for your brother too...
I know it's hard...
From what I've seen of you so far, you have a strong character...
I believe you'll be ok brutha...
If you ever need to talk, just PM me... I lost my best friend to cancer...
We're here with you bro...
Best regards....

Thanks man, means alot! Its 3:30am in the UK, still cant sleep. Done a tonne of research on the net about it, dont look so good.

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi

So sorry to hear about your situation. It's a lot to deal with at such a young age.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

C.B.

Thanks barbi

**Elysium** · 10-12-2004, 08:21 PM

Ok well thanks for the replys, i will post tomorrow. Its 3:45am and i have to get up for work at 6:30 so i best try and get some sleep.

Thanks guys, its good that i can get things off my chest.

**Tock** · 10-12-2004, 09:48 PM

Wow . . . you've got a lot to deal with, don't you?
Well, you've got a lot of guys here cheering for you. We'll do what we can for ya, whenever you're down or frustrated or pissed or whatever, we'll be here.

Something you might consider . . . in the future, you'll be wondering what could have caused your mom to do the stuff she's done. Speaking as someone who's spent a year with a shrink sorting out issues of parental neglect and abuse, something that will come in very handy later on will be her history. Talk with her, record her life story on tape or paper. Don't let her gloss over her own history of abuse and neglect from her own family (I'll bet she has her own horror stories to tell). Get as much information from her while you can, as you will cherish it in the future.

One other thing . . . you probably already know this, but nevertheless it bears repeating. None of this is your fault. You might be tempted to consider yourself guilty for some part of her situation, but no, things don't work that way. Parents are supposed to take care of children, not the other way around (well, at least not until they're old and the kids become adults). It's ok to be angry with her; in fact, in your situation, you'd be crazy not to be angry (for lots of reasons I won't go into right now).
And I can tell you right now that you'll go through some awful depression. Just remember, while you're muddled in the deepest quagmire of hopelessness, you've got a bunch of guys here behind you 100% cheering you on. We're here for you 24/7/365.
You'll be feeling some other unpleasant stuff as well. It's all stuff you gotta deal with as it comes up, and not bottle in, or else it'll come back later in other forms to bite you on the butt. Some of it will be easier to deal with than others; again, we'll help ya through.

You seem like a pretty smart guy with a good head on your shoulders; I have no doubt you'll weather this storm with the courage, grace and dignity of a sage. Ya, if you were a stock on Wall Street, I'd be buying right now . . .

Don't know what else to say other than hang in there, and you aren't alone. We're with ya . . .

Best,

-Tock

**Blown_SC** · 10-12-2004, 09:56 PM

Sleep peacefully bro... with a new day comes the sun bro... keep your head up so you don't miss it

**Elysium** · 10-13-2004, 06:25 AM

Originally Posted by Tock

Wow . . . you've got a lot to deal with, don't you?
Well, you've got a lot of guys here cheering for you. We'll do what we can for ya, whenever you're down or frustrated or pissed or whatever, we'll be here.

Something you might consider . . . in the future, you'll be wondering what could have caused your mom to do the stuff she's done. Speaking as someone who's spent a year with a shrink sorting out issues of parental neglect and abuse, something that will come in very handy later on will be her history. Talk with her, record her life story on tape or paper. Don't let her gloss over her own history of abuse and neglect from her own family (I'll bet she has her own horror stories to tell). Get as much information from her while you can, as you will cherish it in the future.

One other thing . . . you probably already know this, but nevertheless it bears repeating. None of this is your fault. You might be tempted to consider yourself guilty for some part of her situation, but no, things don't work that way. Parents are supposed to take care of children, not the other way around (well, at least not until they're old and the kids become adults). It's ok to be angry with her; in fact, in your situation, you'd be crazy not to be angry (for lots of reasons I won't go into right now).
And I can tell you right now that you'll go through some awful depression. Just remember, while you're muddled in the deepest quagmire of hopelessness, you've got a bunch of guys here behind you 100% cheering you on. We're here for you 24/7/365.
You'll be feeling some other unpleasant stuff as well. It's all stuff you gotta deal with as it comes up, and not bottle in, or else it'll come back later in other forms to bite you on the butt. Some of it will be easier to deal with than others; again, we'll help ya through.

You seem like a pretty smart guy with a good head on your shoulders; I have no doubt you'll weather this storm with the courage, grace and dignity of a sage. Ya, if you were a stock on Wall Street, I'd be buying right now . . .

Don't know what else to say other than hang in there, and you aren't alone. We're with ya . . .

Best,

-Tock

Tock, means a hell of a lot mate. I dont really have many people i can talk to about this so its good i can get this off my chest on here, and people will listen. Thanks alot for saying what you have, i feel a bit better now but im still kinda messed up. I had a dream about what i would say at her funeral, and all i could think of was bad stuff. I dunno, just gotta talk about it and let it out i spose. Im gonna try and convery most of my emotion into the gym, train harder and take out my aggression and feelings out on the weights.

Oh and blown, thanks. Sun you say? Its pissing it down where i am, its cold, rainy, dark and gloomy. lol

**allsaucedup** · 10-13-2004, 06:35 AM

UK bro sorry to hear this sounds like you are one strong bro (emotionally and mentally) and i am sure you will be able to make it through this. Keep your head up and your ar bros are here for you.

**BigMike J** · 10-13-2004, 06:38 AM

Sorry to hear about your mothers condition and your feelings of guilt, however that feeling of guilt is normal. Maybe i am being a hard ass but i still don't see a reason why she can't get her ass up and do something. Hell that just str8 bull****. She's the mother and you are the son she has obviously never done her part so why should you be the one to do it for her? As far as you needing to motivate her **** that too. We motivate ourselves. If she can't get the motivation for herself knowing that she is being a hardcase for her sons that to me that says that she basically just wants another free ride. Why give it to her? Make her move out. Let her see what it is like to have nobody and then maybe she will mend her ways before her end.

I really am sorry about your condition. By the way i would do the same thing if it were my mom. I guess im just a dick like that.

**Bigen12** · 10-13-2004, 06:47 AM

Originally Posted by Tock

Wow . . . you've got a lot to deal with, don't you?
Well, you've got a lot of guys here cheering for you. We'll do what we can for ya, whenever you're down or frustrated or pissed or whatever, we'll be here.

Something you might consider . . . in the future, you'll be wondering what could have caused your mom to do the stuff she's done. Speaking as someone who's spent a year with a shrink sorting out issues of parental neglect and abuse, something that will come in very handy later on will be her history. Talk with her, record her life story on tape or paper. Don't let her gloss over her own history of abuse and neglect from her own family (I'll bet she has her own horror stories to tell). Get as much information from her while you can, as you will cherish it in the future.

One other thing . . . you probably already know this, but nevertheless it bears repeating. None of this is your fault. You might be tempted to consider yourself guilty for some part of her situation, but no, things don't work that way. Parents are supposed to take care of children, not the other way around (well, at least not until they're old and the kids become adults). It's ok to be angry with her; in fact, in your situation, you'd be crazy not to be angry (for lots of reasons I won't go into right now).
And I can tell you right now that you'll go through some awful depression. Just remember, while you're muddled in the deepest quagmire of hopelessness, you've got a bunch of guys here behind you 100% cheering you on. We're here for you 24/7/365.
You'll be feeling some other unpleasant stuff as well. It's all stuff you gotta deal with as it comes up, and not bottle in, or else it'll come back later in other forms to bite you on the butt. Some of it will be easier to deal with than others; again, we'll help ya through.

You seem like a pretty smart guy with a good head on your shoulders; I have no doubt you'll weather this storm with the courage, grace and dignity of a sage. Ya, if you were a stock on Wall Street, I'd be buying right now . . .

Don't know what else to say other than hang in there, and you aren't alone. We're with ya . . .

Best,

-Tock

Excellent post

When I learned that my Grandfather had cancer, I was crushed. He had known that he had cancer for about 2 years, and he had chosen not to tell the family. Looking back I understand his decision, he did not want for us to be worrying about him. I still have a picture of me sitting on his bed in the hospital. D@mn I am emotional today!

Brother if there is anything we can do, don't hesitate to let us know.