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Thread: Funny stuff

  1. #1
    Kärnfysikern's Avatar
    Kärnfysikern is offline Retired: AR-Hall of Famer
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    Funny stuff

    Found this on bolex I have to say number 5 impresses me. **** if that isnt the fart king holy ****, killing himself and putting another man in hospital because of his lethal gas lmao

    Here are the 2004 Darwin Award nominees, if anyone cares.

    > > > Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for
    > > > the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to
    > > > the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing
    > > > themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
    > > > An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to
    > > > break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally
    > > > shot himself to death when the gun discharged,
    > > > blowing a hole in his gut.
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
    > > > James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was
    > > > killed in March as he was trying to repair what
    > > > police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
    > > > friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns
    > > > hung underneath so that he could ascertain the
    > > > source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught
    > > > on something, however, and the other man found Burns
    > > > "wrapped in the drive shaft."
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
    > > > Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to
    > > > death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the
    > > > sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
    > > > reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith &
    > > > Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it
    > > > to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of
    > > > Southern states always seem to figure prominently
    > > > among the Darwin nominees.)
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
    > > > Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of
    > > > windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed
    > > > through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
    > > > floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry
    > > > Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
    > > > Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
    > > > explaining the strength of the building's windows to
    > > > visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
    > > > demonstrations of window strength according to
    > > > police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of
    > > > the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
    > > > that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members
    > > > of the 200-man association. (Nice to see another
    > > > Canadian province getting into the awards.... The
    > > > Maritimes always have been heavily involved.)
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:
    > > > A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are
    > > > being blamed for the death of a man who was killed
    > > > by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his
    > > > body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane
    > > > gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily
    > > > of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things).
    > > > It was just the right combination of foods. It
    > > > appears that the man died in his sleep from
    > > > breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over
    > > > his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been
    > > > opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was
    > > > shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to
    > > > the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity
    > > > for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the
    > > > rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:
    > > > Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird
    > > > posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting
    > > > South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
    > > > conviction before having his sentence reduced to
    > > > life in prison While sitting on a metal toilet in
    > > > his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit
    > > > into a wire and was electrocuted. (South Carolina
    > > > entrants are always perennial favorites.)
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:
    > > > A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal
    > > > explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using
    > > > a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle
    > > > loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon
    > > > discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators
    > > > said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
    > > > rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators
    > > > said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader
    > > > that had not been firing properly. He was using the
    > > > lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
    > > >
    > > > Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
    > > > A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his
    > > > condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
    > > > slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan
    > > > Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the
    > > > accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of
    > > > the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair
    > > > moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
    > > > (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder if people are
    > > > moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)
    > > >
    > > > Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
    > > > Two local men were injured when their pickup truck
    > > > left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on
    > > > State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County
    > > > deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly
    > > > after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des
    > > > Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were
    > > > returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an
    > > > overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck
    > > > headlights malfunctioned.
    > > >
    > > > The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck
    > > > had
    > > > burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available,
    > > > Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his
    > > > pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
    > > > steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet
    > > > the headlights again began to operate properly, and
    > > > the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
    > > > River Bridge.
    > > >
    > > > After traveling approximately 20
    > > > miles, and just before crossing the river, the
    > > > bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck
    > > > Poole in the testicles.
    > > >
    > > > The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the
    > > > pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only
    > > > minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will
    > > > require extensive surgery to repair the damage to
    > > > his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
    > > > Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated
    > > > and released.
    > > >
    > > > "Thank God we weren't on that bridge
    > > > when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both
    > > > be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10
    > > > years in this part of the world, but this is a first
    > > > for me. I can't believe that those two would admit
    > > > how this accident happened," said Snyder.
    > > > Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's
    > > > wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and
    > > > did anyone get them from the truck???
    > > >
    > > > (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of
    > > > their misadventure as normally required by Darwin
    > > > Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole
    > > > DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the
    > > > gene pool.)

  2. #2
    BajanBastard is offline VET Retired
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    NO:5 facking classic!

  3. #3
    DADDYDBOL's Avatar
    DADDYDBOL is offline Anabolic Member
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    lmao

  4. #4
    Maraxus's Avatar
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    lmao.

  5. #5
    1badcamaro's Avatar
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    they are all pretty bad but my award would have gone to number 2

  6. #6
    Chemical King's Avatar
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    gotta be the dude from death row

  7. #7
    Polska's Avatar
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    Haha... all fake but entertaining non the less.........

  8. #8
    workdude's Avatar
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    Lmao.....

  9. #9
    spkmania's Avatar
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    that can't be from 2004, i read the same exact stories at least 3 or 4 years ago.

  10. #10
    90redlx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spkmania
    that can't be from 2004, i read the same exact stories at least 3 or 4 years ago.
    Agreed, I read many of those my freshman year of highschool in '97.

  11. #11
    P Rock's Avatar
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    they are funny but fake

  12. #12
    jonnytour's Avatar
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    I could care less if they were fake. This is the first time I have seen them and I laughed my ass off!! I am sure you guys did too the first tiem you read them too. Fake...probably. Funny...deffinately!!

  13. #13
    Sage's Avatar
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    good schittt...

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