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  1. #1
    Elysium's Avatar
    Elysium is offline Productive Member
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    JOKES to keep you going through the week. (WARNING ADULT CONTENT)

    Hey guys... well its mid week, heres a pick me up to keep you going...

    A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
    Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
    So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
    The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
    So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
    To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
    "Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
    "OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
    He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
    "No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a **** instead."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"
    The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
    He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to **** you."
    The first daughter says, "That's not true."
    He says, "I'll prove it."
    He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
    His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure; she was shaking and foaming at the mouth.
    Our uninformed male thought this was incredible - best sex he'd ever had. He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure.
    He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room. A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think her orgasm's stuck!"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.
    Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
    Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

  2. #2
    BajanBastard is offline VET Retired
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    They are all funny but I liked the last one!

  3. #3
    decadbal's Avatar
    decadbal is offline Banned
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    april fools..hahahaha

  4. #4
    Elysium's Avatar
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    Another...

    A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
    "Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
    The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
    Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
    "That's right, Dad."
    "Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
    "That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

  5. #5
    Psychotron's Avatar
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    rofl thats wrong.

  6. #6
    jonnytour's Avatar
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    That's what you get for ASSuming that the teacher is a female!!

  7. #7
    Elysium's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jonnytour
    That's what you get for ASSuming that the teacher is a female!!
    Your speaking from experience or something i ASSume

  8. #8
    1badcamaro's Avatar
    1badcamaro is offline Anabolic Member
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    those are pretty great, haha. Messy you never cease to amaze me

  9. #9
    D-END's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MESSY_UK
    Another...

    A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
    "Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
    The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
    Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
    "That's right, Dad."
    "Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
    "That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."





    gross

  10. #10
    Slick Arrado is offline Member
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    They're all funny. :spudniklu

  11. #11
    gya321's Avatar
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    That last ones bad!

  12. #12
    needmorestrength's Avatar
    needmorestrength is offline Anabolic Member
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    Lol thats terrible

  13. #13
    fitnessNY's Avatar
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    lol I liked the second one.

  14. #14
    allsaucedup's Avatar
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    what does Micheal Jackson like about 38 year olds boys










    there are thirty of them

  15. #15
    solid-d's Avatar
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    Just giving a warning beforehand about this joke.......

    "How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?"





    "Wipe your bloody D##k on her teddybear."

  16. #16
    Elysium's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by solid-d
    Just giving a warning beforehand about this joke.......

    "How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?"





    "Wipe your bloody D##k on her teddybear."

    lol you guys are sick

  17. #17
    Prime's Avatar
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    the amputee joke is so wrong

  18. #18
    Prime's Avatar
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    Enjoy!
    I think you'll like this messy!

  19. #19
    Elysium's Avatar
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    thats pretty ****ed up prime

  20. #20
    profbiv's Avatar
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    What do you call a girl with Anorexia and a yeast infection working at MC Donald’s?






















    A quarter-pounder-w/cheese with cheese……
    Last edited by profbiv; 12-09-2004 at 01:37 PM.

  21. #21
    ChiTownTommy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allsaucedup
    what does Micheal Jackson like about 38 year olds boys










    there are thirty of them
    there is thirty eight of them

  22. #22
    I R Baboon's Avatar
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    Great Stuff!!


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