Thread: girlfriend problems...
12-11-2004, 05:27 PM #1
Ok, I've been seeing this girl for about two months now. I really like this girl, we have pretty much everything in common. But something has really been bothering both of us lately. So far we've only slept together twice, and after both times she goes into this weird state of mind. She says that I remind her of her ex's that just took advantage of her. One of her ex's even forced her into losing her virginity. She then gets depressed, and doesn't want to talk or anything. I flat out told her a bunch of times that I'm not like those other guys, that I like her a lot, and I'd never do anything to hurt her. But she doesn't seem to want to trust me, and I can understand why. So what should do you guys think I should do about this? I've tried talking to her about it, but she just says that it wont change anything, and that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. I really don't know what to do about this. Any of you guys/girls have any similiar experiences like this? Right now I'm trying to study for finals, but this keeps on bothering me. Well...I better get back to the books.
12-11-2004, 05:38 PM #2Originally Posted by bulldawg_28
You can't make anyone trust or want to trust you. All you can do is open up to them more and hope they feel comfortable enough with you to do the same. Just give her her space and still be supportive if this is a female that you really want to start something with. Don't be overbearing and keeping repeating 'Im not like those guys" just prove it to her through your actions.
She sounds like she has some problems that she needs to deal with before you all get more serious.
12-11-2004, 05:42 PM #3
I would not recommend sleeping with her again for awhile - evidently she has been abused and sleeping with her causes those problems to haunt her even more. I'd go slow with her ... show her that you're not a chump and maybe later down the road she'll open up to you .
12-11-2004, 05:50 PM #4AR Hall of Fame
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I'd quit talkin' about it w/her, and tell her you won't talk about it any longer.
I'd also tell her if she keeps trippin' and comparing me to her former boyfriend, that I am OUTTA THERE!
Think about it, what girl likes it when YOU talk about your ex? Or when you let thoughts about your ex, whatever those thoughts are, get in the way of her and you and the relationship you have? No girl likes that sh*t, so why should you??
12-11-2004, 07:57 PM #5
Thanks a lot guys. Wrath thats what I'm trying to do man. I guess I'll just try harder and give her more space and stuff. Hey Gorgoroth, good advice bro...thanks. Gsxxr, she had already seen a shrink for awhile. But when she started dating me she was told that she didn't have to go anymore. I guess because she thought she was doing better. Hey swole, thanks for the advice bro. I wont tell her I'm gone if she keeps talking about her ex's, but I'll say that I'd appreciate if she'd not talk about them. Thanks again guys, this board is great!! Now...back to the books.
12-11-2004, 08:10 PM #6Originally Posted by SwoleCat
12-11-2004, 08:53 PM #7
Hey tycin, I like this girl a lot so I'm going to try and stick with her. I also forgot to mention that she's trying to quit smoking. This might be making her feel like sh!t too.
12-11-2004, 09:02 PM #8
I'd keep hitting it until she wont let you anymore then i'd move on to a mentally stable biatch.
12-11-2004, 09:14 PM #9Originally Posted by bulldawg_28
12-11-2004, 09:24 PM #10Originally Posted by tycin
12-12-2004, 10:18 AM #11
Find another girl bro.
Im to nice to girls sometimes aswell, had to put my foot down last night, wich offcourse ended up in girlfriend crying...so now im mean?
12-12-2004, 11:47 AM #12Originally Posted by bulldawg_28
12-12-2004, 11:57 AM #13
She seems to have some emotional baggage. Do like SC says and just put your foot down, no more X's talk since the past is preventing a future.
12-12-2004, 05:29 PM #14
Hey 63190, I'll mention her seeing a shrink again. Even though she hated to go, I'll say something about it. If we have another incident with her talking about her ex's again, I'm putting my foot down. Benches is right, it is preventing a future.
12-12-2004, 05:37 PM #15
Take it from someone who has tried way too many times to help people help themselves, cut and run. It sounds cold but in the past I had many women that were perfect in every way but has some emotional baggage that made the entire relationship a full time job.
It sounds as if she was raped and perhaps other things as well. You can't help her overcome that or make her change. You sound like a caring person, too much so. I'd be a little selfish on this one and think of yourself first. She is already dragging you down and you aren't even seriously commited to each other yet. Trust someone who has been down your current path one too many times. Nothing good will come of this and you will be left hurt when it's all said and done. Just some 02 from an OG (pushing 40 years old)
12-12-2004, 05:50 PM #16Originally Posted by 1victor
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