Thread: Men and the truth...
03-22-2002, 01:34 AM #1
Men and the truth...
What men say and really mean
What Men Say
And what they REALLY mean!
"Was it good for you?"
"I'm insecure about my manhood."
"I want a commitment."
"I'm sick of masturbation."
"I had a wonderful time last night."
"Who the hell are you?"
"I've been thinking a lot."
"You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
"I'll give you a call."
"I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."
"I'm a Romantic."
"I think we should just be friends."
"I have something to tell you."
The break-up should not start 'til tomorrow
I want to have sex a few more times.
"Haven't I seen you before?"
You're the only girl I've ever cared about
You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me.
We've been through so much together
If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity.
"I've learned a lot from you."
"I need you"
My hand is tired.
"I miss you so much"
I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look good.
"Do you love me?"
I've done something stupid and you might find out.
"Do you *really* love me?
I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later.
"How much do you love me?"
I've done something *really* stupid and someone's on their way to tell you now.
"It's just orange juice, try it."
3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.
"I don't know if I like her"
She won't sleep with me.
"I really want to get to know you better."
So I can tell my friends about it.
"How do I compare with all you other boyfriends?"
Is my penis really that small?
"I know where I am."
Oh God! Where the HELL am I?
"The remote is broken."
Come here wherever you are and change the channel for me.
Make me something to eat
"It's your decision."
I'm totally clueless, so you decide and I'll just take half the credit.
"We need to talk."
I need to complain.
"Sure,... go ahead."
I don't want you to....but.... I'll use this next time we fight, to show how supportive I am.
I'm feeling romantic tonight.
There's no game on tonight.
"You're,... so feminine."
Do you do laundry...cook...windows...bake?
"I'm going fishing."
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car."
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
"It's a guy thing."
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
"Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?"
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"My wife doesn't understand me."
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
"It would take too long to explain."
"I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
"The batteries in the remote are dead."
"I got a lot done."
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late."
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Hey, I've read all the classics."
"I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
"You cook just like my mother used to."
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
"Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
"I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me."
"You want me to stay awake."
"That's women's work."
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?"
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"Go ask your mother."
"I am incapable of making a decision."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Football is a man's game."
"Women are generally too smart to play it."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house."
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"
"What did you catch me at?"
"She's one of those rabid feminists."
"She refused to make my coffee."
"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
"You may actually get it to start."
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."
"I heard you."
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I missed you."
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
"No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious."
"I like you more than my truck."
"We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
"It sure snowed last night."
"I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
"I don't need to read the instructions."
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
"I broke up with her."
"She dumped me."
03-22-2002, 06:01 AM #2
Good ones Bexsome, I had this list once but it seems it has grown, folks must have added some more to it along the way.
03-22-2002, 09:14 AM #3
Shame on you guys....
03-22-2002, 09:32 AM #4
That's a trip. Your the man bexsome, i've been emailing your jokes to everyone i know.
03-22-2002, 12:29 PM #5
So so true
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