Thread: Jokesfor the Day
01-27-2005, 07:13 AM #1
Jokesfor the Day
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of
2 percent milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine
lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was
unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing
behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
The drunk says, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked
at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her
selections she says, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But
how on Earth did you know that?'
The drunk replies, "Cause you're ugly."
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
show in Basildon. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through
his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands
on her chair starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human
being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected
at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a
person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination
against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize,
when the blonde
yells, "You stay out of this, mate! I'm talking to
that little bastard sitting on your knee".
01-27-2005, 07:31 AM #2
YO NMS..... "What does a GAY HORSE eat????????"
01-27-2005, 07:51 AM #3Originally Posted by HeavyHitter
01-27-2005, 08:07 AM #4Originally Posted by needmorestrength
01-27-2005, 08:07 AM #5
Last edited by HeavyHitter; 01-27-2005 at 08:21 AM.
01-27-2005, 09:13 AM #6Originally Posted by HeavyHitter
01-27-2005, 09:20 AM #7
A man and his wife were driving along a road one day. Pretty soon on the side of the road they see a skunk lieing on side. So they decide to pull over and see if its still alive.
"Oh, he's still alive, lets take him to the vetenary clinic." says the wife.
"Ok, pick him up by his tail and put him in the car."says the husband.
Then they began driving off to the vet's office. Pretty soon, the skunk begins to shiver.
"Hey honey, the skunk is shivering. He must be cold." says the wife.
"Oh, put him between your legs." says the husband.
"Well, what do I do about the smell?" asks the wife.
"Oh, plug his nose."
01-27-2005, 09:23 AM #8Originally Posted by needmorestrength
C'mon.... a horse eats hey. But you have to say "hey" it in a really gay way, hence for a gay horse..... HHHAAAAEEEEYYYY
get it?? thats one of my favorites.... i dont know why! and shutup to whoever is about to flame me!!!
01-27-2005, 09:52 AM #9
Two migets decide to go to Las Vegas. While they were there they decide to try and get laid. Well, they relize that they wouldn't be able to, so they each pick up a prostitute and go out boozeing for awhile. Later on they take them back to their hotel rooms across from each other. One of the midgets tries to get on the prostitute, but he couldn't get it up. So he said that they should just stay up and talk. While they were talking they hear something across the hall " one, two, three, HMMPPHHH.....one, two, three HHMMPPHHH. This goes on for awhile. The next morning the migets meet up and one says the the other:
"Dude, I couldn't get it up last night, I had a little too much to drink. But I heard you getting some ass last night."
"No not really, I was just trying to get on the bed!"
01-27-2005, 09:59 AM #10
awesome jokes everyone, I love funnies
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