Thread: Man question..??
02-15-2005, 09:41 PM #1
Here's the deal....the guy in LA is starting to feel the pressure of the long distance relationship....partially because he doesn't have a phone now and our comms are limited to me calling him at work during the day OR him finding a pay phone to call me.
SO......Monday he tells me he was thinking over the weekend....some good some bad....and wants to talk but not at work so after he gets done with his class and drops his students off......he will call me. This means about 10pm. I didn't get much sleep the night before but ok...I'll wait up for the call. 11 pm rolls around and NO call.
Today I get him at work and he tells me that after class one of his adult female students had an issue in her personal life so she wanted to talk to him. So I got pushed to the back burner.
This on top of the fact that he opted to reschedule his trip that was supposed to happen this last weekend because he forgot he had promised to take a couple of his young students to a karate tourney. That I can deal with .... but the two together leads me to believe that I am not his first priority......or even close.
Am I wrong to feel that he should have told this female student that he had an important call that he had to make and that he would talk to her another day?
Oh and did I mention.....I didn't even get a freaking Valentines day Card????
this man has one foot in the grave and the other is dragging dirt in behind him.
02-15-2005, 09:48 PM #2
My turn......I know that one of my deals is that I too want to be numero uno. When the lil lady and I are on that page everything is fine. When one or the other veer off we both get our feelings screwed up. Yes! we are both really mature(yeah right). But, the communication has been making a world of difference. So I would say to your man just what you said to us here without being accusing or angry. See what he has to say and HOW he says it and that should give you plenty of insight. PM me anytime you need a chat. The IM thing is one of my concessions to my wife that she DID NOT like.........Oh well can't win em all.......
Good luck and my thoughts are with you...
02-15-2005, 09:56 PM #3
y'all need to read the book "he's just not into you"
barbie, i hate to say it, but i have done the same thing to girls...
02-15-2005, 09:57 PM #4
in my opinion, if you are having doubts it is time to bail and find a new guy
02-15-2005, 10:01 PM #5
I did tell him exactly what I said here. And he listened and took it on board. He just has soooo much going on in his life and he's not used to having to spread his time between a demanding a woman and his school, work, music training, bodybuilding, etc. etc.
Im not sweating it.....just wondering if I was being unreasonable!
02-15-2005, 10:02 PM #6
I was hoping she would come chat with me....
Guess not eh?
Thanks for the response Mondo....
Originally Posted by MrMondodondo
02-15-2005, 10:05 PM #7
I can see your point but also the thing with the female student might have been something important and the conversation with you might take some time and he might not want to rush what he has to talk to you about. Not getting a V-day card was pretty bogus IMO, did he get you anything?
If he has done this numerous times before then I would think that you're not his first priority, but if this is one of a few instances then you should just relax and see what he has to say. Take his word for it. Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and A LOT of understanding
02-15-2005, 10:12 PM #8
Well since his cell phone got shut off cause he's fighting with verizon...since mid dec...there have been 4 weekends in a ROW where he made NO effort to call me. Then when he couldn't get an email response from me at work or get me on the phone at work....he had the NERVE to get mad at me. I had good reason .... I was on casket duty and in a funeral procession....he just didnt get around to it.
She needed to talk to him about some neighbors finance that is putting the moves on her.
I guess taken alone .... not a big deal. All added up together.....it just sucks!!!
02-15-2005, 10:16 PM #9
I think you should move to Calif., we can date and I will treat you like a queen Baby doll. : )
02-15-2005, 10:21 PM #10
Ahhhh If I moved to cali.....my major problems with him would be solved....but thanks for the offer it sure would be nice.
02-15-2005, 10:37 PM #11
Thats right your problems with him would be over and you and I could be so happy working out in the gym together. Imagine me and you I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
So happy together ......LOL : )
02-15-2005, 10:41 PM #12
It's your turn to play hard to get now, if he is interested in you he will find a way to call you, if not move on. DO NOT CALL HIM AGAIN, IT IS HIS TURN TO MAKE A MOVE if you don't hear from him it's over. when we close one door another opens (it's true!)
02-15-2005, 10:44 PM #13
JMO, but i have done this to women before and all i have to say is...
i would bet my paycheck that there is someone else. i'm sorry if i sound like a jerk, but distance does not make the heart grow fonder...
i wish you the best barbie and i hope that i am wrong
02-15-2005, 10:48 PM #14
I don't think it's anyone else but HIM. He's been alone for 3 yrs. NO relationships. I'm pretty demanding so its an adjustment.
I did the don't call thing....didn't answer his email. He got PISSED....and my response was KMA.....don't give me attitude cause you can't reach ME one DAY when you don't call me ALL weekend!
I don't play that ****!
02-15-2005, 10:53 PM #15
i am in the military and am always moving, so most of the relationships i have been in have been long distance. there is always a distinct moment when the girl goes from priority number one (and i am sure that he used to call you all the time and try to visit as often as he could) to priority number two or more. the biggest problem is that most guys have a one track mind. if you aren't priority number one, then you might as well be priority number 487. i can't speak for your man, but i just wanted to let you know how things have been for me in the past.
02-15-2005, 11:00 PM #16
Dude sounds like me...When I have alot of things on my plate I tend to push the folk that I care about away the most. I too had been out of the relationship game for a while (2 and half years) and when I got into one it was a long distance one while we both finished our senior year, she in Illinois, and me in Georgia. Not being a real relationship for an extended amount of time...then jumping right into a LONG distance with out any 'practice' one is prollly rough for him...I know it was rough for me. Be patient if you really want to make things work, and things we be ok.
02-15-2005, 11:05 PM #17
Military is my issue as well and why I can't move to be with him yet.
Originally Posted by zuke
02-15-2005, 11:05 PM #18
Originally Posted by Wrath
02-15-2005, 11:09 PM #19
well, if he's in the military and he teaches... he shouldn't be getting that close to his students... it really sounds like a bad deal to me. a lot of instructors get caught with their hands in the cookie jar. he might just be trying to help his students out, but he is risking a lot of trouble for it.
02-15-2005, 11:30 PM #20
Sorry to hear it sweetie, hope you two get this resolved soon....
02-16-2005, 12:31 AM #21
If your on his backburner, i'd make sure he's on yours. Imo Your not being unreasonable because i'm the same way with a woman. I honestly don't care if my entire life is engorged with things to do I always have time for my girlfriend. This alone makes me tend to believe that his mind isn't totally on you. I'd ride it out if your totally into him,but i'd keep my options open still.. JMO
02-16-2005, 12:51 AM #22
Hmmm thats a typical scenerio I suppose. Relationships can be tricky sometimes, because we all tend to view some things as universal signs when in all fairness not everyone fit's into that mold. I guess what it really boils down to is how well you know your man. I can think of instances where I have treated people I cared about in a similar fashion. This is normally something I do when I have experienced some form of personal tradgedy. I emerse myself in my responsabilities, become a workaholic, and try to help other people with their problems partially to avoid dealing with my own and partially to help put mine into perspective. It helps to know that you are not the only person out there going through hard times. In situations like this you tend to treat your loved ones/significant other worse then you do your everyday acquantances because of the generic assumption that they care for you and naturally will put up with a little bit more from you. Prod him a little and try to see whats wrong, It may be something with your relationship. But, its also very likely that it's something else. A death in the family perhaps, who knows? But if he refuses to let you inside his world you should definately not open yours to him.
02-16-2005, 09:05 AM #23
He's NOT in the military...never has been. He's the Master at his Martial arts school. Its a small school and they are more like family than a school. He is the father figure to most.....and to a few of the older females.....he's a challenge!
Originally Posted by zuke
02-16-2005, 09:08 AM #24
I know he has a lot going on....he has a bother in LA County Jail...waiting trial .... facing the rest of his life in prison, taking over the school, moving up the corp ladder, body building, taking care of his father, etc, etc.
But.......I too have a lot going on.........but I MAKE time for him.
Originally Posted by Hometown Hero
02-16-2005, 09:11 AM #25
CB, This is still a relatively new relationship for the two of you and if things are going sour during the honeymoon phase I would be careful. It takes all of 5 minutes to get another cell phone with another company. The math does not add up.
02-16-2005, 09:20 AM #26Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
You're a grown woman, you should know that long distance relationships don't work, sometimes the truth hurts but better to drop it now and more on than waste time with a sinking ship.
02-16-2005, 09:32 AM #27
He's about the most DISORGANIZED, procrastinating man I've ever MET. Not making excuses because I agree with you. But I don't think it's intentional. That man has over scheduled his life to the point that he's going from 5am to 1am sleeps 3 hrs and gets up and starts again. After spending a week at his house.....I was exhausted!
Originally Posted by Benches505
02-16-2005, 09:35 AM #28
cb Don't jump to conclusions.. Although the lack of a card is retarted... But you said youself you are a demanding women, maybe he just has to learn how to balance all these responsibilities
02-16-2005, 09:37 AM #29Originally Posted by goodcents
02-16-2005, 09:41 AM #30AR Hall of Fame
- Join Date
- Dec 2002
Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
02-16-2005, 09:41 AM #31Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
You know in your heart.. you deserve more.. in past relationships you have allowed the men do do what they want.. and you should..
if his qualities don't make you happy..
you know what to do..
I've seen you say some hard things about relationships, and yet with your own it seems that you can't see the forest because of the trees..
not a very delicate way to put it. but still ..
sorry you are being treated this way..The answer to your every question
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02-16-2005, 09:43 AM #32Originally Posted by needmorestrength
02-16-2005, 09:47 AM #33
CB if it is meant to be it will happen and if not then the world will offer you other opportunities in love… That is just how it works. Either way you will find what your are looking for in a relationship just remember you are worth more than second best and you will except nothing less than a quality relationship…long distance relationship are tough. I think I would have to ask myself if I were in your shoes why did I get involved in a relationship with an absent partner and really reflect who I am and what do I really want. Good luck CB and remember it will all work out…it always does.
02-16-2005, 10:29 AM #34Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
1.) You tell him your unhappy, and he changes and starts playing ball soon after.
2.) You tell him your unhappy, and the change doesn't come quickly. So you keep waiting for a change that may or may not take place.
3.) You tell him your unhappy, he doesn't change things quickly enough to suit you, and you break it off.
Number one would be what I would like to see happen for you . Number two sucks. Number three sucks to, but it would be much better then waiting around and hoping for change that doesn't come.
02-16-2005, 10:36 AM #35
I'm thinking that number 3 is gonna happen. Life is too short and there are too many men out there! I already told him what is up. I think I've already made my choice....cause I can't see him changing. He is who he is.
Originally Posted by Hometown Hero
02-16-2005, 10:45 AM #36Originally Posted by needmorestrength
02-16-2005, 10:45 AM #37
Watch the Shepimp at work ! Ha Ha
02-16-2005, 11:01 AM #38
Sooo many men.......so little time!
02-16-2005, 11:10 AM #39
Sounds like a bad deal all the way around hun.
No card....no call....adult female student......I smell something foul.
02-16-2005, 11:12 AM #40
Yep......Im feeling the same way. Only time will tell. It's a same really because initially things were awesome and I thought I had found the right man.
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