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Thread: joke of sorts

  1. #1
    Hitman's Avatar
    Hitman is offline Senior Member
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    joke of sorts

    haha i just read an email that my wife received from one of her friends i thought you might like it too. > ><< Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)
    > >
    > >
    > >1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
    > >
    > >2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
    > >
    > >3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
    standard
    > >practice to cum on someone's face.
    > >
    > >4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
    > >
    > >5. My ears are NOT handles.
    > >
    > >6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I
    heard,
    > >deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on
    > >your dick?
    > >
    > >7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
    > >
    > >8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it
    through
    > >your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel
    > >particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right
    > >now.
    > >
    > >9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school
    girls -
    > >if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
    > >
    > >10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell
    me
    > >I've just "wrecked it" for you.
    > >
    > >11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
    afterwards
    > >is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the
    > >future.
    > >
    > >12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about
    the
    > >origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good
    > >at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
    > >
    > >13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
    > >the protein content.
    > >
    > >14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
    > >
    > >15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow
    jobs
    > >often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
    > >sympathize or brag.
    > >
    > >16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to
    "kiss
    > >it good morning."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will
    find
    > >someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
    > >
    > >2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
    > >than licking a dead fish.
    > >
    > >3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to
    > >you?
    > >
    > >4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be
    thankful
    > >I'm not pulling your hair.
    > >
    > >5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the
    only
    > >way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
    > >
    > >6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you
    need
    > >all the fluids you can get. Trust me.
    > >
    > >7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get
    the
    > >short end of the stick in flavor country.
    > >
    > >8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
    > >
    > >9. Play with the balls.
    > >
    > >10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
    > >
    > >11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
    > >
    > >12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now,
    but
    > >when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll
    be
    > >"sound asleep."
    > >
    > >13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
    your
    > >face, now will you?
    > i hope you all get a kick out of this and if its found to be a bit crude plz mods delete it............HITMAN....
    Last edited by Hitman; 03-29-2002 at 08:15 PM.

  2. #2
    Terinox's Avatar
    Terinox is offline The One & Only
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    Fucken hilarious!!!


  3. #3
    SPEEDY is offline Junior Member
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    FUNNY

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