Marriage

[Commando_Barbi]

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,
he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give
me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here
or not."

(**** SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************



Marriage - (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage - (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "\What took you so long to answer
the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage - (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite
of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************

Marriage - (Part V) - The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight..

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.

[SwoleCat]

1) Engagement ring
2) Wedding ring
3) Suffering

Need I say more?

~SC~

[Panzerfaust]

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,
he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give
me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here
or not."

(**** SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************



Marriage - (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage - (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "\What took you so long to answer
the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage - (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite
of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************

Marriage - (Part V) - The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight..

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.

You rule CB.....

[Cycleon]

hmm.........I wonder who CB is thinking about right now

[Commando_Barbi]

You rule CB.....

But of course I do

Glad you enjoyed that.

[Commando_Barbi]

LOL no one in specific. I'm soooo anti man right now. Don't get me started

hmm.........I wonder who CB is thinking about right now

[angelxterminator]

thats some funny shlt...

"father of four" wow that one cracked me up...

[MrMondodondo]

1) Engagement ring
2) Wedding ring
3) Suffering

Need I say more?

~SC~

That there is experience talking!

I second the opinion!

[Commando_Barbi]

We all aren't bad!!!

That there is experience talking!

I second the opinion!

[symatech]

lol good stuff CB

it's like chris rock says, you can be one of two things 1)married and bored 2)single and lonely

[Commando_Barbi]

I'd rather be married and bored!!!!

[symatech]

I'd rather be married and bored!!!!

of course this doesn't apply to swingers....but they're tainted and so its even worse.

[Commando_Barbi]

LOL hmmm swinging...that could be fun

[PaRiS2005]

Marriage isn't boring, its only boring if you MAKE it boring...I can't wait to get married. Well, I can wait, but its gonna be amazing when I do.

[Commando_Barbi]

I miss being married....just not the man I was married to. Someday I hope to get married again.