Joke of the Day

**Diesel** · 03-07-2005, 06:01 AM

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped
and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too
tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the
bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

**cjp85** · 03-07-2005, 06:24 AM

....

**taiboxa** · 03-07-2005, 06:29 AM

Owned !

**palme** · 03-07-2005, 06:34 AM

Hahaha

**Juggernaut** · 03-07-2005, 07:03 AM

A New Yorker arrived in Texas for a meeting and after so went out for drinks and dinner. He pulls into a bar that advertised it was the worlds largest bar in the world....cause as we all know "Everything's big in Texas". Yee-Haw!

The guy walks in and can't believe his eyes......the bar looked as though it was over three miles long. At the far end was a Ferris Wheel and Roller Coaster! He sees the bartender and gives him a signal so the bar tender climbs into a golf cart and drives to his location. He pulls up to the guy and asks "What can I get for ya Partner?"

Customer: "Man, this place is huge! Let me get a martini please"
Bartender: "You haven't seen anything. Out back we test the NASA shuttle engines on Thursday nights and next week we have a NASCAR race around the bar." "Son, don't you know.....Everything's big in Texas!"

The bartender drives off only to return with a drink the size of a 55 gallon drum....tosses in two olives the size of grapefruits and sets it on the counter with the help of a crane that ran on rails above the bar. The guys looks at it and said "Good heavens that thing is huge!" The bartender reply's "Like I said, everything's big in Texas...enjoy."

The guy drinks his drink and watches the horse pull at the other end of the bar between watching the 200 foot TV screen. Pretty soon he needs to use the bathroom. He calls the bartender and asks which way to the bathroom. The bartender tells him to grab the next shuttle and hop off about half way to the other end...should be no more than a ten minute ride. When you get off go left and take the first door on the left.

The guy does as the bartender said but due to the fact he had drank such a large amount he got a little crossed up and instead of takeing a left and then the first door on his left he takes a left and then takes the first door on his right and falls into an indoor swimming pool! Two men are walking by, just coming from the changing room and when the guy sees them he screams "Don't flush for God's sake don't flush!!!!!"

**BUBBA74** · 03-07-2005, 07:04 AM

Nice LOL

Gonna have to tell that one.

**Jack87** · 03-07-2005, 07:59 AM

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout
looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation
and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"

Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap, no hand-job
is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.
And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on
the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime,
worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500."

"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you
see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright.
And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to
put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.

He can scarcely believe it but, he feels he truly got his money's worth.

He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and
unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says,

"Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.
Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us,
all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?"

"****!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

**Diesel** · 03-07-2005, 08:24 AM

Buff.....Fukin funny sh!t.

**Jack87** · 03-07-2005, 08:35 AM

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... Especially if that happened...

Originally Posted by Diesel

Buff.....Fukin funny sh!t.

**palme** · 03-07-2005, 09:30 AM

FFS buff! You nasty hoe!

**soontoberipped** · 03-07-2005, 09:31 AM

LMFAO at all of those.

**needmorestrength** · 03-07-2005, 09:54 AM

awsome

**Jantzen4k** · 03-07-2005, 10:01 AM

great jokes!

**kloter1** · 03-07-2005, 10:30 AM

great way to start a monday

**ArkansasAlex** · 03-07-2005, 10:51 AM

awesome jokes, thanks for the laugh

Alex

**Nutz56** · 03-08-2005, 01:22 AM

we should have a joke of the day every day... not that the whole lounge isn't funny enough, but just to add a little somethin. good sh!t right there guys

**Chief** · 03-08-2005, 01:34 AM

TEXAS LOGIC

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite
bar, drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college
and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of
admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English,
history, and
logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weed eater, I think that you would
have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a
heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater!

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is
signed up for math, English, history, and logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."

**Nutz56** · 03-08-2005, 02:14 AM

hahahahahahaha

**OSTIE** · 03-08-2005, 03:07 AM

Originally Posted by Chief

TEXAS LOGIC

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite
bar, drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college
and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of
admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English,
history, and
logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weed eater, I think that you would
have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a
heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater!

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is
signed up for math, English, history, and logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."

LMFAO... I cant stop laughin at this one.... I dont relate this to Texas Logic... I relate this to some of the dumb@ss friends I used to hang around with in HS.... I could see 2 of them just sitting in their moms basement smokin herb and sayin the same sh!t, then ones who werent all there... LOL

**rambo** · 03-08-2005, 03:23 AM

Originally Posted by Chief

TEXAS LOGIC

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite
bar, drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college
and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of
admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English,
history, and
logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weed eater, I think that you would
have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a
heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater!

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is
signed up for math, English, history, and logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."

LMAO.

**Jack87** · 03-08-2005, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by Chief

TEXAS LOGIC

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite
bar, drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college
and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of
admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English,
history, and
logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weed eater, I think that you would
have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a
heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater!

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is
signed up for math, English, history, and logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."

Awesome