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  1. #1
    jerseyboy's Avatar
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    My wife got up and left........

    Hey bro's, I wasn't going to plaster my personal shiit up here all over the message board but I'm hurtin' pretty bad right now. My wife walked out on me a little over a week ago and with no warning. I thought things were going good. One day we're sitting on the couch watching TV together and the next she's telling me it's over and she's made up her mind and there's nothing I can do about it. I love this woman more than I know how to say so I'm pretty shaken up. The worst part of it is I was just starting to get my head straightened out over the past few months and I really felt in control of my life for the first time in a long time. I had some money in the bank and my diet and training were going good. Now I'm not eating much and losing weight. I have to pop a half a pack of Unisom just to sleep a couple hours. I'm right in the middle of a cycle too, an expensive one. It's like someone snuck up behind me and pulled the rug right out from under me. I can't deal with this at this stage of my life. I'm 34 years old with a business to run and a little girl to take care of. One minute I'm happily married and the next I'm all alone. It's taking all I've got not to start drinking again. Sorry, just rambling now.

  2. #2
    SwoleCat is offline AR Hall of Fame
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    That sucks bro.

    W/out knowing why she up/left it's hard to understand the situation, but everything happens for a reason.

    Good luck to you!

    ~SC~

  3. #3
    jc3's Avatar
    jc3
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    No advice, as no one really knows what's up but you...

    But I can say...don't drink, and I hope all gets better for you....

  4. #4
    needmorestrength's Avatar
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    That sucks.. I dont kno what to say... sorry bro

  5. #5
    kman's Avatar
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    pm Me if you wanna find out why she left or what she is doing, I know a good P.I. Could be useful if you guys go through a divorce..

  6. #6
    AVAGO's Avatar
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    Keep strong bro, for your litle girl your buisness and yourself. It probably doesnt feel like it at the moment but things will pass and improve with time...

  7. #7
    JdFlex's Avatar
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    I couldn't imagine the pain I would feel if my woman left me without any provocation. I'm very sorry to hear this. I think you already know that drinking will create more problems which you don't need right now. You have a daughter to take care of. Think of her well-being. Good luck bro.

  8. #8
    31uniform's Avatar
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    Man, im sorry to here that bro.

  9. #9
    diezell's Avatar
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    Im sorry hear that man, as hard as it might seem you should stick to youre weigtlifting and make sure you spend alotta time with youre kid its gonna be a rough time for her, i hope everything works out for you

  10. #10
    Angelis's Avatar
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    an ex-gf did that to me once we were together for 3 yrs, been together since high school, then one morning I got up and she was gone all her clothes and everything. I still see her every once in a while but she never did tell me why she left. I was crazy for months drinking missing work and college, starting fights with people I cared about just bcs I was in a bad mood. I hardly ate anything and if I did it wasnt good for me... no weights either!!!

    It sucked for me and she was only my GF... I cant imagine what ur going through being married and having a child. Trust me bro stay away from the booze if not for yourself then for you daughter. It gets better trust me.

  11. #11
    Timetraviler is offline Junior Member
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    Sorry I Have 4 Kids I Am 37 And My Wife Is 28 . 10 Years I Can Only Imagin What You Feel I Hope Aal Will Work Out Stay The Course Dont Chase Her . Focuse On You And In Turn You Will Help Your Situation

  12. #12
    Dave321 is offline AR's Salad Tossing Connoisseur
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    Stay strong bro. Don't reach for the booze, it's definately not the answer. You will only find yourself in a worse state than you are right now. Remember what your priorities are in life right NOW, yourself, your daughter, and your business... Put all your focus on those and things will eventually get better. As cliche as this sounds, everything happens for a reason. Good luck.

  13. #13
    Deezuhl is offline Anabolic Member
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    My fiance' of 5 years did the same to me. I came home one day and she had a truck backed up moving her stuff outta the house. I begged her to stay and she cried the whole time but still mustered up enough strength to leave me. That was the worst day of my life still til this day. The worst part of everything is sitting and wondering why. Every possible thing in the world runs thru your head.When its not mutual it just sucks!!!! good luck bro I almost know how you feel.

  14. #14
    notus's Avatar
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    Hang in there man, I know it must be tough. Keep lifting we all know it is a great way to help relieve stress.

  15. #15
    EFEC's Avatar
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    Stay strong bro, don't drink...I got raped in the pooper 3 years ago by an ex with some pretty expensive crazy child support. The first thing I did was go straight to the bottle and thought everything could be resolved by drinking and forgetting. It basically ruined me from going to the gym and caused more problems. I was already doing pretty good hitting it hard. I basically gained about 50 pounds of FAT and became a alky for a whole year. I finally put my life and self together in the past 8 months and plan on staying here. I met someone better and have a great family now. Stick with it you'll be alright!!

  16. #16
    Testsubject's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that bro, keep you head up and keep moving forward. Dont let this hold you back from achieving your goals, in bodybuilding or otherwise.

  17. #17
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
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    Ahhhh hun. I'm sooo sorry. Do you best to keep a regular routine....give it some time and then try and talk to her. Maybe she would go to some counseling with you.

    Hang in there

  18. #18
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    Wish I had some advice for you but I don't. All I can say is stay away from the bottle. Take comfort in your daughter and put your energy into her. I wish you the best. Good luck

  19. #19
    jerseyboy's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for the kind words. The real problem was about 2 years ago, I was having financial problems and my business was suffering. I got real depressed because after all I'm supposed to be the man of the house and the provider. I started drinking heavy and I mean real heavy. Lots of rum. It was out of control and she put me in the hospital. They kept me in a guarded room for 14 hours until I dried out. I convinced them to let me go home and my wife was gone. We worked things out (or so I thought) and after a few days she came home. I got sober over night and went to counseling every week. I went back to work but the financial trouble was still there. We struggled for the next 6 months or so and business picked up and things got better. Around January I finally got back to the gym and I felt great. Everything seemed to be coming together but my wife always seemed to be unhappy. We talked about it and her main problem was that I worked too much and we didn't spend any time together. She was feeling neglected. I tried to explain that I needed to work like that to support us and most of the time I was too drained to go out. Besides the fact I wasn't comfortable going to bars and clubs because I didn't want to be tempted to drink. She was going out with her girlfriends every weekend til all hours of the morning and sleeping all day but I didn't complain because I thought it was good for her to get out. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do which was staying sober, supporting the family and getting my head straightened out. Hell to some women I would be the model husband. I work a 10 hour day, go to the gym, go food shopping, come home, clean the house, mop, dishes, laundry and most of the time I cook. It seems there was more to it and she either didn't know how or didn't want to communicate to me what we needed to do to fix the problem. If she had asked me to go to marriage counseling I definitely would have gone. I really thought I was doing it right and now she's gone. We've talked and she has come over the house but she's not sure that she wants to come back. I really don't understand what was so terrible about our life. I didn't hit her or cheat on her and we barely argued. Lots of couples go through hard times and they get through it together. Again, thanks everybody for reading and for your support. Sorry for the long post but I haven't talked to anyone in a couple days. I don't know where to go from here. I'm just trying to keep doing it right. I'm not drinking, I'm going to the gym and I work every day. At this point I'm holding my breath waiting to see what she decides to do.

  20. #20
    Glock-19 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by jerseyboy
    Hey bro's, I wasn't going to plaster my personal shiit up here all over the message board but I'm hurtin' pretty bad right now. My wife walked out on me a little over a week ago and with no warning. I thought things were going good. One day we're sitting on the couch watching TV together and the next she's telling me it's over and she's made up her mind and there's nothing I can do about it. I love this woman more than I know how to say so I'm pretty shaken up. The worst part of it is I was just starting to get my head straightened out over the past few months and I really felt in control of my life for the first time in a long time. I had some money in the bank and my diet and training were going good. Now I'm not eating much and losing weight. I have to pop a half a pack of Unisom just to sleep a couple hours. I'm right in the middle of a cycle too, an expensive one. It's like someone snuck up behind me and pulled the rug right out from under me. I can't deal with this at this stage of my life. I'm 34 years old with a business to run and a little girl to take care of. One minute I'm happily married and the next I'm all alone. It's taking all I've got not to start drinking again. Sorry, just rambling now.



    Im sorry to hear that. Its always more difficult when their are children involved. gl

  21. #21
    XxElitexX's Avatar
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    sucks dude..keep your head up and push thru it..keep us posted and good luck to you.

  22. #22
    Yungstar is offline New Member
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    hang tough bro, offer to go to marriage counseling...(some states require this before getting a divorce)

  23. #23
    63190's Avatar
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    Ask her to please go to counsling with you. If she won't go, then go by your self. Are you still in AA? Talk to your sponser about all this.

  24. #24
    gixxer600 is offline Member
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    Well bro, it sounds as though you did the best you could to fix things. For some reason though (in my opinion) it seems that maybe she was using your past problems as a scapegoat or excuse. In my opinoin she shouldnt have been going to bars and clubs when she knew very well how much you needend her at the time. There may be more to this than you think. Before you put all the blame on yourself, try to find out a little more if possible. Maybe there is another guy in the picture?? I'm not trying to put things in your head by any means, but you never know. We're all here to support one another. Whatever you do, don't drink, stay on cycle and take out your frustration at the gym. You never know, you might even get some better workouts out of this. Stay strong bro! Time heals all wounds. Let us know how it all works out. All the best.

  25. #25
    jerseyboy's Avatar
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    Well we've been talking and her attitude has changed for the better. She admits that the way she left was impulsive and not the right way of going about things. I still don't understand why she was so dead set on it being over but it sounds like she might be coming back. She spent the night last night and she's been telling me how much she loves me and misses me. I've been going to therapy but I want us to start going together very soon. I'm going to be putting a lot more effort and attention into my marriage and less on working. Wish me luck guys, I really need this to work out.

  26. #26
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are stepping in the right direction. Good luck

  27. #27
    Jantzen4k's Avatar
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    that sucks bro.


    goodluck in future!

  28. #28
    Win94's Avatar
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    My first wife left me so i know what you are going through. We had just got back from an awesome ski trip in the rockies and she decided she didin't want to be married anymore. If you can get through that you can get through anything. I have now been married for three years and we have the best two year old daughter God could have ever gave us.


    .................When she had left i could never dream things would turn out this way but you have to hang in their and good things will come.

  29. #29
    PaRiS2005 is offline Female Member
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    Good luck man. I hope things work out for you both. Keep your head above water and getting the help you need, and everything else will fall into place.

  30. #30
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    Ever think that maybe she ****ed around on you and feels too guilty to deal with it, so she upped and left?

  31. #31
    getbig888 is offline Senior Member
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    bro if she doesnt come back use this as fuel to drive you to be better at everything you do, In the gym, at work, and with your daughter. i

    this is not on the same level as you, but the one girl i cared about in life left me, so i just got huge and dated girls to make her jealous-she came begging back-so i laughed and moved on even though i didnt want to.

  32. #32
    Butch is offline Anabolic Member
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    Just stay strong bro...the most important thing is to stay strong for her...she will depend on her father to stay strong and her life could be effected if you are not. You sound like a strong guy and a straight head...just please stay away from the bottle...you will make it out of this on top if you gain control!

  33. #33
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    I really doubt that theres many here that understand what your going through. I hope you keep us posted I want to know what happens. One thing I can tell you is that while she might have decided to up and run away, i GUARANTEE that her love for you didnt do the same thing...its still there. It sounds like your doing the right thing with business and with your daughter. Im only 21 but I'd like to share a story with my parents that might make you feel better. My parents got married real young, and when my dad started his business, he was working 14 hours days 6 days a week, and for a few months even 7 days a week. He also grew up in an abusive household where his dad taught him he wasnt a man unless he had a mistress and where it was ok to treat your wife like ****. They actually did separate for a while, and my dad realized he was miserable without her and begged her to come back. She did, and while it was a bumpy ride that I wasnt alive to witness, I can tell you now that they have three children, myself included, and an awesome relationship where they very much love each other, call each other throughout the day, and have great plans to one day retire and go see the world. Sounds like things are already on the right track with you too, and you obviously love her so make sure u do everything in your power to not lose her, if you guys are both willing than anything is possible and I wish you the best man.

  34. #34
    Luminaire's Avatar
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    also whenever I get upset I like to remember these things:

    1) Do you know what the chances are of you even being here today? Your father probably released billions and billions of sperm in the sex he had with your mother before they decided(or by accident)to give birth to you. Your one in in like a few billion man be happy and make the best of things because the the other billion mother ****ers that could have taken your placed ended up in a dirty sock, your mothers mouth or some other ****ty place!


    2) The worst thing you can do is sit around depressed and alcoholism is a surefire way to completely ruining your life. You guys got married because at one point or another you two were COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. Just because things might have been rough doesnt and those feelings might have dwindled, its not possible for them to disappear, just not possible. If your both willing to make things work, you can. My advice is that I know your bombarded with work but try setting up activities you can both do like hangin out with friends or going rollerblading on sundays. Do something that makes you both happy. If you've suffered lapses in communication its because youve lost common ground, youve got to re-establsh that common ground!


    3) The gym can be as theraputic as you want it to be. Channel out what your feeling into your lifts and take pride in your results. When you look good on the outside, you feel good on the inside.

    4) Last but not least, this kind of stuff happens to everyone man. It would be nice if life was perfect but its not, so if you ever think your alone, you better do some more thinking, because not only are you not alone, im sure that much much worse has happened to other people and they've been able to work through it.

    --sorry im writing so much about this lol, I just am really sympathetic to your situation and I feel your pain, I really hope this stuff helps!

  35. #35
    GetinBig's Avatar
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    Keep your head up bro.. It will get better..


    Good luck.

  36. #36
    jerseyboy's Avatar
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    I seriously doubt she was messing around. I've been through that with a lot of women and I know the signs. I wouldn't have married her if I thought she would do something like that. I think she has some issues of her own that need to be worked out. We went to dinner last night and she says she's bringing the rest of her clothes home tonight. We are still deeply in love but over the last couple years things got complicated. If we can stick together through this, it should be better than before. Now that I'm sober I feel I can do most anything but she has to be willing to try. It sounds that she is ready. Now that everything is on the table it should be easier to improve our relationship. Thanks again everyone. I was preparing myself for the worst but the situation is looking up. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

  37. #37
    BUYLONGTERM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jerseyboy
    I seriously doubt she was messing around. I've been through that with a lot of women and I know the signs. I wouldn't have married her if I thought she would do something like that. I think she has some issues of her own that need to be worked out. We went to dinner last night and she says she's bringing the rest of her clothes home tonight. We are still deeply in love but over the last couple years things got complicated. If we can stick together through this, it should be better than before. Now that I'm sober I feel I can do most anything but she has to be willing to try. It sounds that she is ready. Now that everything is on the table it should be easier to improve our relationship. Thanks again everyone. I was preparing myself for the worst but the situation is looking up. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

    I wish the best for you bro. I've been through it and unfortunatley my wife never came back. But, the good news her and I are friends and I am very happy with my life!! It does get better. I would go out of your way and buy her some flowers or take her out for a nice dinner. She her how much you really appreciate her. She seems like a good women..

    IF you need anything PM me bro
    BLT

  38. #38
    jerseyboy's Avatar
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    Just an update guys. My wife and I have been back together for a couple weeks now and things are going really well. We've been going to counseling every week and spending a lot of quality time together. Now that things are on the table there is a lot more communication. We're going through a kind of second honeymoon right now but things are going to be alot better between us. I'm planning a getaway for our anniversary next month and looking forward to a fun summer. I managed to stay sober through the whole thing and now I managed to get my diet and workouts back in order. I'm also trying to salvage what's left of my cycle. I haven't been spending much time on the board lately but I thought I should get back in here and say thanks again for all the support and kind words. I'll be seeing you guys around.

  39. #39
    SwoleCat is offline AR Hall of Fame
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    GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!

    Glad it all worked out for you.

    ~SC~

  40. #40
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    Wicked awsome bro!! Keep it up!

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