Thread: cheating what do i do....?
05-23-2005, 10:15 AM #1
cheating what do i do....?
okay heres the short version. I have been with this girl for a lil over 3 months now, and we're very serious. I have had 4 relationships in the past all over 1 yr and not once have i ever cheated on my gf. I haven't drank in a few months (on a cycle) and this past long weekend i got tanked. really polluted (so polluted that i didn't recognize her the next day) and a girl i met at the bar asked me to go back to my hotel. Yes she asked me. Anyway we get back and she starts undressing me etc and next thing i know im in her. thats when it hit me (i guess i started to sober up) and i was like wtf am i doing. I pulled out after maybe 10 seconds and said i can't do this. She got really pissed but i couldn't believe what i was doing and how i could do something like this to someone i care soo much about. It soo isn't me and i was in extreme shock. All i could think about was my gf and that she doesn't deserve a guy like that. I didn't sleep a wink that night and i haven't ate in two days now. I just got home (i went away for the long weekend) and i feel like the biggest asshole in the world. Im not sure what to do. Should i break up with her? i know i can't tell her. The last couple days i wished i was dead, or that i got in a horrific accident, erasing my memory of the last couple days. I don't know how i could do something like that to her and yes i really do care about her. as soon as it hit me it made me realize how much i do care about her and how much it hurts me now knowing what i did. i dunno what else to say. i know ppl make mistakes but this is a mistake i wont let myself forget about.
05-23-2005, 10:17 AM #2
If its as serious as you say you should be able to talk to her about it...
Obviously u didn't mean it to happen and its not like u finished the job anyway..
come clean and just explain how you feel now, it'll be better than eating urself up
05-23-2005, 10:18 AM #3
shes knows how i feel about her and telling her would tear her apart
05-23-2005, 10:22 AM #4
You should talk to her about it. If you two have a commitment she deserves to know. She may forgive you, she may not. But telling her is the right thing to do.
05-23-2005, 10:23 AM #5
don t tell her. no matter what it s gonna brake her heart. keep it for u and try to handle it urself. time will tell. btw if u didn t use a condom u should may be think about doing an HIV test.
05-23-2005, 10:25 AM #6Member
Originally Posted by Full Intensity
- Join Date
- Jan 2005
Was the chick hot? jkjk
I'd say if you really like this girl...KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT . I tried the coming clean thing once and all it did was **** her head up and make our situation worse .
Your gonna feel like crap , and you should.....that means you have a concience . Take it as a mistake and learning experience and move on .
05-23-2005, 10:27 AM #7
something soooooooooo similar happened with me man its weird! but you've got to tell her. Atleast for me I can't live with that on my conscience, and think about what if she did the exact thing to you and didn't tell you...how would you feel? You'll go through hell for telling her but I guarantee you'll feel better on the inside, wont make the mistake again, and your girlfriend will forever feel she can believe what you tell her because you risked the whole relationship just to consider her feelings. You might loose her, but a lot of girls would be understanding to something like this, especially if you tell her how drunk you were.
05-23-2005, 10:31 AM #8
I have to say come clean with her. If you don't she may never find out but it will eat at you. Notto mention...tell her now, she'll be hurt and angry with you but ya'll might be able to work through this... don't tell her and down the road she finds out... not only did you cheat on her but you lied to for however long. That's at least how she'll see it. Do what you feel is the right thing to do.... it's your choice and you'll have to live with it which ever path you take.
05-23-2005, 10:39 AM #9
the thing is its only been 3 months. telling her now would surely ruin things i think. but if i told her i foold around the first few months we started dating a year from now i can't see it being a big deal. i dunno
05-23-2005, 10:42 AM #10
and if she were in my shoes id want this to be a lesson for her and an eye opener as too how much shes cares for me and what she'll lose if she ever starts doing that
05-23-2005, 10:45 AM #11
that sucks bro!
you should def tell her the story of what happened, and maybe shell find it endearing that you were thinking about her and care about her that much.
*i woulda busted my nut all over the bartender if that was me
05-23-2005, 11:02 AM #12
we'll i've come to the decision that im not going to tell her. I made a mistake and its done with. i think the point is that i learned a lesson, i've never done it b4 in my life and wont be doing it again. i think thats all that matters.
05-23-2005, 11:02 AM #13
my friend admitted to cheating on his girl of 8 months and she freaked on him and went out that night. from what we've heard through the grapevine is that she was with about 3 different guys that night. if that ever happened to me i would probably go off the deep end. just something to think about as girls love to get revenge from my past bad break ups.
05-23-2005, 11:07 AM #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2004
dont admit nothing. you did the right thing, when you relized you were cheating you stopped. so nothing happened, right? RIGHT. ive been caught hiding in the shower of my wifes x-best friends shower, by my wife and i still lied my way out. dont admit nothing my boy.
05-23-2005, 11:08 AM #15
Damn that's a tough call...
Here's how I see it, and I'm not sure if this is even right, but I don't know
to many if any guys that would pull out and stop 10 secs into some new
Even drunk you realized what you were doing was wrong, I'm all for being
honest, but with the relationship being new and knowing you stand a good
chance of wrecking it, maybe forever you need to think about if it's worth
losing her forever for a 10 sec mistake?
Yeah a big mistake, but still if you had only went back to the room with
the intentions of doing it and still walked away you wouldn't even be on
here asking for anyone's opinion...
So for 10 secs more of a mistake you might just destroy not just her on
a personal level, but maybe your chance of being happy with her and the
two of you together... If you know you would never do it again under
any circumstances then I would probably say just keep this to yourself
and be the best you can be for her from here on out...
The tough part is as soon as you realized you were messing up you
stopped yourself... Otherwise I'd say be completely honest with her,
but she's gonna see it the same way weather you had a 10 sec slip
or a all night slip...
I can't see her taking it any other way...
Originally Posted by Full Intensity
05-23-2005, 11:11 AM #16Originally Posted by Full Intensity
You know maybe you shouldn't drink anymore........... if it makes you do things you can't stop doing..........
05-23-2005, 11:16 AM #17
thx guys! u know i luv u all
05-23-2005, 11:20 AM #18Originally Posted by punchrf
05-23-2005, 11:22 AM #19
Hey man, unfortunately, the right thing to do would be to tell her and face your fate. The BEST thing to do, is to not say a word. If it was truly a mistake in your heart and its not you, then it is something you should only have to live with and get over. If you tell her, it will change everything, even if she decides to forgive you, it will always be in the back of her head and things might (most likely) not ever go back to normal.
BEST ADVICE: Go to church, (seriously) confess and just try to forget about it. Telling her is just not worth it, if you really love her and honestly made your choice unconsciously due to alcohol.
05-23-2005, 11:35 AM #20
i don't think i would have had the will power to pull out after 10 seconds. especially drunk. i think the best thing to do would be to not tell her and not to repeat the same mistake again.
05-23-2005, 11:40 AM #21
lol best advice would be to talk to someone who deals w/ this stuff on a regular basis other than AR
like a church dood, or one of those mental dr. peoples or something ...
05-23-2005, 12:54 PM #22
also make sure she does not use your computer, cause now there is evidence that you cheated on her. Silly but they always seem to find a way.
05-23-2005, 01:01 PM #23
Ya, good choice. Do not tell her but never do that again. It will kill your conscience and eventually that stuff comes out and it will hurt her. Also, get tested for STD's if you did not use protection. That is a biggie bro.. Good luck and keep your zipper closed..
05-23-2005, 01:36 PM #24
lol yeah that would be a dead give away if you gave her some nice VD' or something
05-25-2005, 08:48 PM #25Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2003
- Toronto, Canada
Bro, this soon in the relationship I feel would be a real bad time to tell her. I say keep it to yourself. Here's why:
My ex girlfriend caught me cheating with the girl I was with before her within the first couple of months of our relationship. Believe it or not, it was the first and last time I had ever tried to pull that stunt. I wanted my cake and eat it too. This was 6 years ago. I tried to BS my way out of it but none the less it lasted almost 4 years. THE WORST 4 YEARS OF MY LIFE!! She constantly checked my messages, e-mails, drove around spying on me and kept on throwing it in my face!! Don't ask why I stuck around that long. I figured at the time that I f*cked up and deserved it, but it never ended. It was a 4 year headache!
Bro, bottom line she will NEVER forgive you. Hopefully you learned from your mistake and wont do it again. Good luck with any decision you make. Let us know what happenes.
05-25-2005, 08:59 PM #26Originally Posted by Full Intensity
If you do tell her, wait till you're old and grey!
05-25-2005, 09:25 PM #27
I wouldnt tell her. I wouldnt have pulled out after 10 seconds either but hey! I am single. I still wouldnt tell her and just count your blessing that you have a good girl because they are few and far between.
05-26-2005, 09:04 AM #28
You obviously feel guilty.. if i were her i would want to know.. but in the same rpesect if i were her i wouldn't stay with you either
05-26-2005, 03:03 PM #29
Tell her otherwise it will eat you alive, obvisously it already has you said that you haven't ate in two days
05-26-2005, 03:09 PM #30
You can't ever tell her, not unless you want to lose her. The guilt hurts, but live and learn bro. The past is the past, unless you have a time machine, it's not changing. These things are transcendental. If you desire to be with her in the future, then you need to focus your energy on making that happen
05-26-2005, 03:11 PM #31
Don't tell her. It'll crush her and totally change her opinion of you. Think about if she told you the same story, would you believe her, would it change your opinion of her? You did the right thing by getting rid of the bimbo when you realized you were doing something wrong. You know it won't happen again. And that's the best thing for the relationship. Telling her will ruin things. You made a mistake and you've owned up to it to yourself. Move on.
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