Simpsons' quotes

[flexgolf]

Hey all you loyal Simpsons fans!! We all know this show is full of hysterical lines (mostly from Homer ); lets see what funny quotes you can remember...or maybe some you'll see as the re-runs are played on and on.

here are a few to get us started...itll get easy if you keep watching and post your favorites as the seasons go

"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."

[Pete235]

Homer: Lisa honey, you mean to tell me you're never gonna eat meat again? What about Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Bacon?

Lisa: NO!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!!

Homer: Yeah right Lisa. A wonderful, maaaaagical animal...heh heh heh.

[flexgolf]

Originally posted by Pete235
Homer: Lisa honey, you mean to tell me you're never gonna eat meat again? What about Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Bacon?

Lisa: NO!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!!

Homer: Yeah right Lisa. A wonderful, maaaaagical animal...heh heh heh.

hahahaha

[flexgolf]

abe simpson: "my name is the only legacy i give to you, and my father gave it me, and his father gave it to him, and his father traded a mule for it....and that mule went on to save spring break"

[BigGreen]

Two of my favorites which occassionally make their way onto my AIM away message:

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

"Son, weaseling out of things is what separates man from the other animals...well, except of course the weasel."

ANd there's one in the episode where bart steals the video game and homer goes off about why he took him to all those police academy movies..."you don't thing it was for kicks and giggles, do you? WEll I didn't see anybody laughing"....or something like that.

[flexgolf]

Homer: "Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"

[BigGreen]

While Homer's the obvious top dog in this category, I think Clancy Wiggum also puts forth his share of GREAT quotes...perhaps even besting homer if you were to break down memorable quotes as a ratio to minutes of total exposure.

Such as:

"Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city."

"Professor Frink: Here is an ordinary square.
Chief: Woah, woah, slow down, egghead."

"See you in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with you...otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scott-free."

And, finally (i hope I'm getting this right)

(While Lou and the Chief are sitting in the patrol car)
Lou: Looks like an explosion down at the old simpson place.
Chief: Ehhh, that's three blocks away...what can we do? (sits back all relaxed).
Lou: Is that beer coming out of the chimney?
Chief: I am proceeding on foot...repeat, proceding on foot!

[Pete235]

Ralphie Wiggum, after professing his love for Lisa to Homer, claims he would do anything for her. Homer with a sly look on his face says "Oh really?" In the next scene Ralph is putting tar on the Simpsons roof while Homer relaxes in a hammock. With a sweaty brow, a pale color and wierd look on his face, Ralph says "Mr. Simpson, the fumes are making me dizzy" Homer non-chalantly replies "Yeah...they'll do that"

[956Vette]

Ralph: Me fail engish, that's unposibble!
ralph: hi super nintendo chalmers.

[flexgolf]

haha these quotes are making me crack up..

[flexgolf]

homer walking by the gym on an early morning walk sees a sign that says "gym". homer says "gime...what the hell is that...ohhhh giiiiime"

[palme]

The people behind the simpsons must be the funniest people in the world. Fucking insane sometimes

Got some quotes.

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

[flexgolf]

Originally posted by palme
The people behind the simpsons must be the funniest people in the world. Fucking insane sometimes

Got some quotes.

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

they are geniuses...u ever given futurama a shot?? same creators, similar comedic style. not the simpsons though


homer: "marge, dont you ever get tired of being wrong?"
marge: "sometimes..."

[flexgolf]

homer: "Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

[palme]

Yeah i gave Futurama a couple of episodes, but it´s not my thing. Simpsons all the way baby!

"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours."

[flexgolf]

Homer: "When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more... more... MORE! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."

Homer: "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

[flexgolf]

this cracked me up soo much the first time i saw it
Homer:I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down

[Pete235]

Originally posted by flexgolf
Homer: "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

Marge: That's because you were drunk!!!

Homer: And how. (smile)

[flexgolf]

hahahah good job pete

i need to remember some abe simpson quotes..there arent many, but they are great

maybe someone can help me with this one. abe was showing lisa how bart used to do well in school but then he eventually got dumb. explaining how kisa has the stupid gene.

abe says something like "homer used to be smart as a monkey, now hes dumb as a chimp...and look at bart's grades; he used to be smart as a chimp, now hes as dumb as monkey"

edit this if its off

any other abe quotes??

[Farmer]

Hehehe..no Profressor Frink??

"Glivin! Glavin!"

Peace

Farmer

[flexgolf]

Originally posted by Farmer
Hehehe..no Profressor Frink??

"Glivin! Glavin!"

Peace

Farmer

hahaha yeah frink is funny as hell....quotes of his are hard to decipher...they are funny cause they are almost impossible to understand. but if u can add some...please do!!

[Money Boss Hustla]

During recess, Bart discovers he isn't the only SES student on some sort of medication. Milhouse uses Claritin, Martin then says "I'm taking hormones to help lower my voice...and I want to do now is fight." Ralph Wiggum walks by and Martin looks at him and says "What are you looking at!?"

[Money Boss Hustla]

Homer to Bart: If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

[Strut99GT]

"Uh, Mrs. Kerbople (sp), "embiggens" isn't a word."
"What are you talking about? It's a perfectly cromulent word."

[monstercojones]

why do they call them fingers? ive never seen them fing.


o there they go.

[Money Boss Hustla]

Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!

Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Marge: Homer! Watch your mouth!

Homer: Aw, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening.

[Money Boss Hustla]

Homer: Bart you want some brownies before you go to bed!

Bart: Ahhh!

Homer: Come on let me cut you a brownie while there still hot.

Bart: Dad, I kinda edge you right now. I'd apprectiate you not come in my room and screaming and brandishing a butcher knife.

Homer: Why? Oh! The Sideshow Bob thing, sorry boy....
....Bart you want to see my new chainsaw and hockey mask?!?!

Bart: Ahhh!!

Homer: Oh, sorry, what am I thinking.

[Money Boss Hustla]

Hi... ummm... let me have some of those porno magazines... large box
of condoms... a couple of those panty shields and some illegal fireworks and one of those disposable enemas. Ehhh... make it two.

[flexgolf]

Ned: "homer i couldnt help but notice you pick all my flowers"
Homer: "well you need flowers to make a float"
Ned: "yeah but do you have the salt the earth so nothing would ever grown again"
Homer: " chuckle chuckle yeaaaahhh"

[BigGreen]

Another Homer quote that my cousin is fond of repeating over, and over, and over again........and again.

"You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fool-fangling machine."

[flexgolf]

good posts money..we have found a common ground
maybe our officials along with iraq's leadership should sit down andn watch the simpsons.

[flexgolf]

Originally posted by monstercojones
why do they call them fingers? ive never seen them fing.


o there they go.

that episode is the shit.

otto "dude your mom is hot"..talking to homer in the attack when they are both high

[Money Boss Hustla]

FBI AGENT #1: Tell you what, from now on you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's practice just a bit. When I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."

HOMER: Check

FBI AGENT #1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.

Homer says nothing.

FBI AGENT #1: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.

HOMER: I got ya.

FBI AGENT #1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.

Homer stares at him.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

Coffee cups are strewn around and the agents' ties are loosened.

FBI AGENT #1 Now when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot...you smile and nod.

HOMER: No problem.

FBI AGENT #1: (WHILE STAMPING HOMER'S FOOT) Hello, Mr. Thompson.

HOMER: (LOUD WHISPER TO FBI AGENT #2) I think he's talking to you.

[flexgolf]

Wiggum:
Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose.

Moe:
They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.

[flexgolf]

Homer:
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

[Money Boss Hustla]

HOMER: In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you getthe women.

[flexgolf]

Homer:
So they have the internet on computers now huh?

[Money Boss Hustla]

Haha! One of my personal favs.

HOMER: Lisa! In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

[Money Boss Hustla]

As you guys can tell I'm a huge Simpsons fan. I have the first 2 DVD's and every episode on VHS. I never get bored of them!!

MARGE: The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow don't bother coming in Moday.

HOMER: Woohoo! Four-day weekend!

[flexgolf]

Originally posted by Money Boss Hustla
Haha! One of my personal favs.

HOMER: Lisa! In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

haha saaame here. ofcourse thermo being something a nerd physicist like me would like.

in that scene lisa had her own little perpetual motion machine...hahaha