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  1. #1
    Money Boss Hustla's Avatar
    Money Boss Hustla is offline Retired Moderator
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    Smile Notes on the English Language

    If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

    Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

    Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

    Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

  2. #2
    tonytone's Avatar
    tonytone is offline Registered User
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    I have a headache now.....

  3. #3
    anaBROLIC's Avatar
    anaBROLIC is offline Only The Strong Survive
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    Mee too

  4. #4
    almostgone's Avatar
    almostgone is online now AR-Elite Hall of Famer
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    ..I'm not as think as I smart I am....

  5. #5
    kloter1's Avatar
    kloter1 is offline Southern Steel Bodybuilding
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    test

  6. #6
    abstrack's Avatar
    abstrack is offline AR-Hall of Famer
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    numbers one through 20 are called homonym. Words that are spelled and pronuonced alike but have two different meanings

  7. #7
    ttuprincess's Avatar
    ttuprincess is offline Anabolic Member
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    wow my head hurts lol

  8. #8
    wascaptain5214 is offline Senior Member
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    thats why i speak american

  9. #9
    Deezuhl is offline Anabolic Member
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    i always love this one.. 3 words all pronounced different

    bomb = bahm

    tomb= toom

    comb= cohm

    engrish velly velly diffircurt ranguange..

  10. #10
    PrimoPup's Avatar
    PrimoPup is offline Associate Member
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    1.) What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
    Answer: Tri Lingual

    2.) What do you call a person who speaks 2 languages?
    Answer: Bi Lingual

    3.) What do you call a person who speaks 1 language?
    Answer: American

    LOL

  11. #11
    GREENMACHINE's Avatar
    GREENMACHINE is offline Are you green enough?
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    Quote Originally Posted by abstrack
    numbers one through 20 are called homonym. Words that are spelled and pronuonced alike but have two different meanings
    Some of them are pronounced diffrently in fact a lot of them are.

  12. #12
    MatrixGuy's Avatar
    MatrixGuy is offline Good things come to those who wait
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    Quote Originally Posted by Money Boss Hustla
    If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

    Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

    Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

    Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
    All seems perfectly normal to me! I was always good at English in school. We had English Literature and English Language to study.

  13. #13
    IronFreakX's Avatar
    IronFreakX is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrimoPup
    1.) What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
    Answer: Tri Lingual

    2.) What do you call a person who speaks 2 languages?
    Answer: Bi Lingual

    3.) What do you call a person who speaks 1 language?
    Answer: American

    LOL
    HAHAHAHA NOW THATS FUNNY

  14. #14
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    I have a degree in English....

  15. #15
    abstrack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GREENMACHINE
    Some of them are pronounced diffrently in fact a lot of them are.
    Well then Mr. Smartypants...Some of them are homographs and some of them are homonyms.

  16. #16
    GREENMACHINE's Avatar
    GREENMACHINE is offline Are you green enough?
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    Quote Originally Posted by abstrack
    Well then Mr. Smartypants...Some of them are homographs and some of them are homonyms.
    Thx I learn something new every day.

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