A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knife point and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a moment. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.
The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife,"This guyis an escaped convict. He's probally spent alot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist.....just do whatever he tells you and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong honey. I love you."
"Oh he wasnt kissing my neck," his wife whispered back."He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom under the sink. Stay strong honey. I love you, too."
Q:Did you hear about the girl who went on a fishing trip with 6 guys?
A: She came back with a Red Snapper.
A blonde goes to her doctor and says,"I think I need bigger birth control pills than the ones you prescribed me."
"Don't you mean you need stronger pills?"asked the doctor.
"No I mean bigger," the blonde replies. "They keep falling out."
Shock Therapy!
Q: How do you keep a kid from wetting the bed?
A: Give him an electric blanket.
A lady places a personal ad in the papaer that reads," Looking for a man who won't beat me, won't run out on me, and is good in bed."
Days later her doorbell rings, and she opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs.
"I'm here in response to your personal ad,"he says. "I don't have any arms, so I cant beat you. And I don't have legs so I can't run out on you."
"But I need a good lover too," she replies.
"I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
