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Thread: Maxim Jokes
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07-19-2005, 01:48 PM #1
Maxim Jokes
A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knife point and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a moment. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.
The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife,"This guyis an escaped convict. He's probally spent alot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist.....just do whatever he tells you and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong honey. I love you."
"Oh he wasnt kissing my neck," his wife whispered back."He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom under the sink. Stay strong honey. I love you, too."
Qid you hear about the girl who went on a fishing trip with 6 guys?
A: She came back with a Red Snapper.
A blonde goes to her doctor and says,"I think I need bigger birth control pills than the ones you prescribed me."
"Don't you mean you need stronger pills?"asked the doctor.
"No I mean bigger," the blonde replies. "They keep falling out."
Shock Therapy!
Q: How do you keep a kid from wetting the bed?
A: Give him an electric blanket.
A lady places a personal ad in the papaer that reads," Looking for a man who won't beat me, won't run out on me, and is good in bed."
Days later her doorbell rings, and she opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs.
"I'm here in response to your personal ad,"he says. "I don't have any arms, so I cant beat you. And I don't have legs so I can't run out on you."
"But I need a good lover too," she replies.
"I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
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07-19-2005, 01:48 PM #2AR's Salad Tossing Connoisseur
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lol... nice...
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07-19-2005, 01:50 PM #3AR's Salad Tossing Connoisseur
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hows your arm btw dude... you feelin any better?
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07-19-2005, 01:58 PM #4
Oh it's doing alot better dude. I appreciate you asking! I have a more recent pic for you. It was taken a week after the first one! I go back to the doctor this thursday to get the rest of the stitches out! I talked to him on the phone the other day and he said as quickly as I'm recovering instead of it being a year before i can workout again it may only be a few months.
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07-19-2005, 02:00 PM #5AR's Salad Tossing Connoisseur
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- Apr 2005
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Originally Posted by sigmatro11
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07-19-2005, 02:05 PM #6
How the hell can you type like that? I bitch and moan when my carpel tunnel flares up. Or are you using just one hand to type?
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07-19-2005, 02:09 PM #7
No, not anymore I have been through some serious serious physical therapy! If you look at my hand the way they cut my palm is how they do it for carpel tunnel.
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07-19-2005, 02:25 PM #8
I must've missed it, what the hell happened to your arm?
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07-19-2005, 03:06 PM #9
here is a link to the discussion!
http://forums.steroid.com/showthread.php?t=181212
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07-20-2005, 08:22 AM #10
So what had happened in your arm to cause all the pressure? Anyways, glad to see you came out of it ok, relatively speaking, that is. Could have been a lot worse. Hope it heals back better than ever and good look on working your legs/abs.
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07-20-2005, 07:15 PM #11
I appreciate it!
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07-20-2005, 08:55 PM #12
Good luck bro, I read the thread when you posted it didnt know that shit was that serious, your a tough MF, good luck, fast recovery and thanks for the jokes
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