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  1. #1
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    Favorite Peter Griffin quote.

    post em! here's my top 5...

    "Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually."

    "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lois, this isn't my Batman glass."

    "Listen Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man."

    "Hey Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no tv? So he failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that one time when I was 19."

    "Gays don't vommit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France."

  2. #2
    captain chet is offline Junior Member
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    talking about the patriot ale commercial where there are girls topless in the backyard...

    Lois - "oh, i can assure you a man made that comercial!"
    Peter - "of corse a man made it Lois, its a commercial, not a delicious thanksgiving dinner"

  3. #3
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    ginkobulloba is offline Senior Member
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    Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it.

    Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
    Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
    Lois: And what did you do?
    Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.

    Meg: Mom, Dad--am I ugly?
    Lois: Oh of course not sweetie!
    Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?
    Meg: Craig Hoffman.
    Peter: Crai....Craig Hoffman said that? Well, he's a sharp kid. You might be ugly.
    (Meg runs out crying)

    Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
    Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
    Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

    Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
    Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious thanksgiving dinner.

  4. #4
    63190's Avatar
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    "Uh-oh! I fartted."
    "Uh-oh I pooped my self"
    "Every body leave, I have to poop. Now!" That time he ate all the dehydrated food after the nuclear fall out.

  5. #5
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    Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says 'OOO'!
    Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.

  6. #6
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    Peter to guy in wheel car..... "Your so lucky, you get to sit all the time!".....or something like that.

  7. #7
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    Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
    Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

    Lois: You're drunk again.
    Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.

    Lois: Peter, theres a hooker on the bed!
    Hooker: Hi.
    Peter: Stand perfectly still Lois, their vision is based on movement.
    (Pause)
    Hooker: Where'd you go?

    Peter: I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.

    Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
    Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
    Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
    Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
    Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
    Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
    [Pause]
    Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.

    Admittedly Quagmire and Stewie are the best characters, but Peter rocks too. Mark

  8. #8
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    A few more:

    Congressman: There is no just cause for an invasion of Iraq.
    Peter: Well that may be, but what were all forgetting is anyone that doesn't want to go to war is gay.
    Congressman:I want to go to war.
    Congressman:I want to go to war.
    All of Congress:I want to go to war.
    Dick Cheney:I was the first one who wanted to go to war.

    Peter: Hey, What's His Name?
    Al Gore: Dick Army
    Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No Seriously What Is It?
    Al Gore: Dick Army
    Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard?

    Peter: The deep south? Isn't that the place where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but they're mad at the black guys for being so lazy?

    Peter: Hey, Lois, look! The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

  9. #9
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    Peter: "Holy crip he's a crapple!!!"

  10. #10
    chest6's Avatar
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    i love the one where quag says taylor hanson...i like peter but i like stewey more...peter where he goes, "whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa......Lois, this isn't my batman glass"

  11. #11
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    I love the Vagina Coastguard one, but I can't change fix the typo in my sig because we're not allowed to have sigs anymore!


    Peter: Alright now kids, I don't want anyone swimming in this pool unless there's a lifeguard on duty. Hahaha...duty. Hahaha...diarrhea. Hey Lois!
    Lois: What?
    Peter: Diarrhea
    Lois: Hahaha, Peter, please, I'm holding iced tea.

    Chris: Dad, what would you say if I told you that I wanted to quit the scouts?
    Peter: I'd say 'come again?'... and then I'd laugh because I said 'cum'.

    [Lois is home schooling Chris and Meg, and Chris passes a note to meg.]
    Lois: Chris, is that a note?
    Chris: No
    Lois: Yes, it is. Would you like to read it to the rest of the class?
    Chris: No.
    Meg: Just read it lard-o.
    [Chris reading the note.]
    Chris: "I think Mrs. Griffin's hot."
    Lois: Go to your room.

    [Chris finally figures out how to get the twinky.]
    Chris: Haha, I'm going to turn you into poo.

  12. #12
    Keyser Sozey is offline Anabolic Member
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    Brian is telling someone of how horrible his last job was. The picture then shows Brian at a butcher shop, with samples in his tray. Some guy walks by and Brian says "Excuse me sir, would you like to try some of my smoked meat log?" The dude knocks him out cold.
    Not a Peter, but still hilarious.

  13. #13
    mekler's Avatar
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    ok it's not a Peter Griffin quote, but it's a quote from Stewie when he was on Kids Say The Darndest Things with Bill Cosby: (he says this after Bill Cosby is blabbering on about stickball or something)

    Stewie: "Are you finished? Oh I'm sorry this is my mistake, I thought the show was called Kids Say The Darndest Things NOT Old Black Comedians Never Shut The Hell Up"

    ..... i swear i spit water out all over my monitor when I heard that

  14. #14
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    Peter- (after talking to a mob boss) you want me to wack a guy, you want me to off a guy. You want me to wack off a guy.


    The name of peters boat "the SS more powerful than batman superman spiderman and the incredible hulk combined"

  15. #15
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    Lmfaooooooooooooooooooooooo ,thanks Everyone For Making My Night Today With These Quotes

  16. #16
    RoNNy THe BuLL's Avatar
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  17. #17
    RoNNy THe BuLL's Avatar
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    Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
    Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

    Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
    Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
    Peter: Oh yeah.

    Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
    Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
    Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
    Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

    Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
    Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
    Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

    Cleaveland: Hey Peter, are you up for another snow cone?
    Peter: No thanks, that yellow snow cone you gave me didn't taste like lemon, it tasted more like...oh you guys are asses!

    Peter: I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.

  18. #18
    RoNNy THe BuLL's Avatar
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    Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
    (Peter is in court)
    Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
    Peter: I do........You bastard

    Peter: I'm getting an Audi!
    Brian: Peter, there's a "T." That says "audit."
    Peter: No, Brian, it's a foreign car, the "T" is silent. Sweet, I'm getting an Audi!

  19. #19
    RoNNy THe BuLL's Avatar
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    Peter: The deep south? Isn't that the place where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but they're mad at the black guys for being so lazy?

    Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
    Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

    Car salesman: I'm Doug. Nice to meet you. Whoa, have you lost weight??
    Peter: No, it's still there, I'm just parting it on the side.

  20. #20
    needmorestrength's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psychotron
    Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says 'OOO'!
    Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.
    hahahah yea!!!!

  21. #21
    chest6's Avatar
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    ohh i love this show soo much..stewie is the best but peter is 2nd

  22. #22
    clockworks's Avatar
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    [Peter to the mob boss that he owes a favor to]
    Peter: What are you going to have me do? Wack a guy? Off a guy? Wack off a guy? ...cuz I'm married.

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