10-16-2005, 08:38 PM #1
I just done the hardest thing I've ever had to do
A few weeks ago on Sunday my father told me that my grandpa was on hospice and he was dying. It waas the morning after my bodybuilding show, he didt wanna tell me before bvecause he was afraid it wqoulsd break my concentration. I'm gtlad he had waited for that. Anyways, he told me that he was going to see him one last time this weekend and asked me if I would go with him, so I did. I was kind of looking forward to it, but also dreaded going down there onm that 10 hr drive to Naples, FL. Well I just went this weekend, God it was tough. He could hardly stay awake to see us because he was on so many anxiety pills. I could never imagine the anxiety of wondering everytime you went to sleep if you'd wake up or not. He is 84 years old. His heart is beating weak and it could be any day now. A little background about him, we were pretty tight. He taught me alot and I was w/ him almost everyday of the summers. He gave me my first jobs working for him helping him rebuild apartments and such that he owned. I did their lawnwork and ate lunch w/ him almost everyday and went swimming over at their house since they had a pool. I could hardly look at him this weekend, it was rough seeing him in the shape he was in. Anytime he was awke he was just looking at me, probably trying to live all the memories we had together one last time, he was looking at my dad too. He just turned 84 a few days ago, we showed up Sat morning w/ borthday cake and champaigne to surprise him and my grandmother, nobody knew about our trip. So we spent as much time as we couldf together w/ him Sat and then it was time to sday goodbye. He kept fallign asleep from all the anxiety pills and we could hardlyu talk to him. So then it happened, time to go. He was asleep in his recliner, hooked up tyo an oxygen tank and such, I shouted out" Grandpa, You take care of yourself, there will be more 5 min jobs for us in the distan tfuture" He burst out crying and told me "have a good life, I love you" and me and my dad hugged him and left. Got drunk as **** last night and tionight , trying to deal w/ it. God dmanit ,it was the hardest trip I ever made!! I mean, it's bad when someone dies ok, but when you know its you ultimately last time seeing them and you giotta say goodbye, god damn it hurts. Cherish the ones that are cklosest to you guys, yoiu never know when its gone for good. Thanks guyas, Satcked
10-16-2005, 08:46 PM #2
10-16-2005, 08:46 PM #3
May the lord confort you ........God bless.
10-16-2005, 08:47 PM #4
Sorry to hear that bro. At least you were able to see him one last time, it probably made his day to get to see you. Hang in there bro. Best wishes to you and your family
10-16-2005, 08:56 PM #5
that sucks... but think of it this way... how many people don't get that chance to say goodbye to a loved one... it's tuff.. but it wld be just as tuff or tuffer if a loved one was taken from u with no warning and u didn't get a chance to let them know how much u cared about them... stay strong
10-16-2005, 09:00 PM #6
damn dude u almost got me crying...
that really sucks bro.....my grandpa is still alive and in pretty good shape i jus cant imagine seeing him in that shape.thats really sucks bro.
hope find some way of dealin with it
10-16-2005, 09:03 PM #7
I'm in a similar situation with my grandfather, I feel your pain.
10-16-2005, 09:08 PM #8
Its hard saying goodbye for the last time... I've unfortuanately had to say bye for the last time to my grandpa and had one of my best friends die unexpectedly... Both took me down for months... Keep your head up, Just dont turn to Liquor for too long, it simply doesn't have any benefits
10-16-2005, 09:09 PM #9
sorry to hear the bad news, reading that, as weird as it sounds made me teary eyed cause it reminded me of my last few visits with my grandfathers this summer before they passed. keep ur head up. i'm sure he cherished the good times he got to spend with u. just remember, not try to be a pesimist, but when he does pass he will be in a better place, and always will be with u. that always made me feel better.
10-16-2005, 09:22 PM #10
thanks for lisetning guys, sometimes it feels good just to type out your emotions when you need someone to talk to, I'm trying not to drink to much, backon the diet and such tomorrow.
10-16-2005, 10:32 PM #11
i hope this only makes you tronger..
this must be very tuff for you..
i had tears man just reading it...
sorry to hear the bad news mate....
10-17-2005, 12:10 AM #12Retired Vet
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
I've been through a pretty similar experience myself with my great-aunt a few year's back. She was dying of cancer at 74 yrs old. On the night she died the hospital rang me to get up as she only had hour's left. When we (my partner and I) got up she was very agitated and although 74 yrs old, she didn't want to die anymore than any of us here. But she knew her time was up. Like your grandfather she was given med's to calm her down, they worked very well. But she kept fighting death. In the early morning she was struggling to take breaths & the nurse's told us her body was basically shutting down. But she fought on. A few times her breathing stopped, and started again. She was struggling for life and fighting to the last (my partner, me and my mother) sat there asking her to let go, "just stop fighting it Bridie". I asked my mother & partner not to call the nurse's the next time she stopped breathing. She took her last breath and we sat there for ten minutes looking and talking to her before calling a nurse.
It was hard as fvck, but you'll find the strenght buddy. People like our grandparents who've lived through the tough times are alot tougher and stronger than we give credit for. I hope I'm born with the same strenght and will to fight.
God bless your grandfather.
10-17-2005, 12:45 AM #13
Been there, and I'm sorry to hear you're there too.
The only advice I can offer is to not only be thinking of the good memories he gave to you, but to also realize the good memories you gave to him as well. Imagine the pride the old man had at seeing his young grandson, his own progeny, grow into such a fine, strong adult. Ultimately, all we can give our predecessors is our own successes. As a validation of all that they have done for us. I suspect you have done that.
Go in peace old man, and stay well Stacked.
10-17-2005, 10:27 PM #14
My grandma passed in april, i know where yer coming from bro. i hope u cope well. and remember, the pain he was going through has passed.... GOD BLESS
10-17-2005, 10:34 PM #15
touching... sorry to hear bout this.. as i read it i could only think about how i was in the same exact situation a year ago with my gramps...its tough..
10-17-2005, 10:48 PM #16
that's very sad... I hope you find comfort in the long life your grandfather had and shared with you... I wish you and your family the best... God bless.
10-18-2005, 01:10 AM #17
Im glad you had time to go see him. The story made me teary eyed, that is a sad story man. Hope you are dealing with it alright.
10-18-2005, 05:26 AM #18Originally Posted by diponyou
I've lost all of my grandparents, I got to visit my paternal grandfather the day before he died, and my maternal grandmother, both of whom I was very close with, both were very tough, but I am glad I did.
My prayers are with you and your family.
10-18-2005, 06:51 AM #19
good luck with this bro, im very glad you got to say goodbye, in the future youll realize how important that is.. out of everything in my life, i thank god the most for being being able to talk to my dad before he died... and being able to say i love you, and im sorry for all the dumb shit i did, and im not mad about all the dumb shit you did. i hope you pull thru. drinking didnt help me, it just made me cry more.. so i hope your back on diet.. that works bettter IMO.. good luck man
10-18-2005, 06:56 AM #20
stay strong bro. i feel like sheddin a tear for u my gramps went thru the same thing he lasted 2 wks on hospice. they were 2 of the hardest wks i ever had to deal with my prayers are with you!
10-18-2005, 06:58 AM #21
all I can say is good luck and god bless
10-18-2005, 07:06 AM #22
My thoughts are with you bro. I totally understand what you are going through as I had a VERY close grandmother that passed away 4 years ago due to cancer at the age of 64.
Your Granpa has lived a long and im sure, happy, life. Im sure it will be hard for you right now but you will get past it.
Stay strong brotha and god bless.
10-18-2005, 08:36 AM #23
Thanks to you all. It's hard to believe but this is the first time anybody close to me is gonna leave. I got back on my diet yesterday and actually had a pretty good workout. But one thing I definitely realized over the weekend is how close my grandma stuck by his side. She was there for everything he needed and I think she's cried so much she cant cry anymore. So w/ this in mind, try to find yourself a good, honest, and loyal person if you can. We all want that barbie doll, but lets face it, sex usually isnt even 1% of your life. I used to like nailing as many sluts as I could and doing whatever I damn well pleased. Thats fine when your in college or something, but when you find that one just be sure your in the right frame of mind and you treat them like gold. Someday it may be you in the recliner about to say goodbye, and the gold diggin' slut or the piece of shit will be long gone, probably w/ half your things nowadays.
10-18-2005, 08:54 AM #24
There is a lot of sympathetic feelings for you on this board, that's for sure. For many of us, your story has an uncanny ring of familiarity to it. But Girlfriend, death is just the last chapter of life, a necessary thing, and part of the natural order of the universe, and probably also a beginning of something else entirely. One day we each are priveleged to learn whether it begins something higher, or rather is simply the beginning of a long, eternal rest. In the meanwhile, we can try to understand what effect it has on we, the living, and wonder if and how it makes us bigger and more human and caring to have to witness it. The way we learn to deal with loss is one of the wonders of the human psyche. We learn to become more altruistic and less selfish when we balance out the personal loss to ourselves against the need of the deceased loved one to move on and have an end to his or her suffering. When we feel that curious mixture of crushing sadness, and happiness for one who suffered long but has now found release, we know something about rising to a new spiritual level, and a greater perspective. When these feelings begin to be less dominant and controlling within us and we are more able to reminesce on a life well-spent, good deeds done and good lessons taught, we have taken another step upward and onward in our instinctive goal of spiritual growth. When we see, in our loved dead, qualities that we want to emulate, examples that we want to follow, and the goal of achieving the honor and respect that our predecessors earned, we are becoming better humans and better citizens of our living universe, and better neighbors on every level. The world benefits. Pain and joy are inextricably intermixed, and one depends on the other for a point of reference. In time, if you are as lucky as some of us, you will sense the beauty interwoven into this sad event. My heart goes out to you and to all others deeply effected by the loss of loved ones, and this is not Anna the Outrageous talking here... I recently suffered the loss of several family members. Later, I realized that the "suffered" part was mostly of my own making and my own perception, and that the "loss" part is linked to a refusal to acknowledge that other people, even those I hold dear, do not "belong" to me, but belong to themselves, to God, and to our living universe.
For now, things might simply be too overwhelming to find immediate acceptance. Let it all out. Nobody thinks less of you for crying, though you will outgrow the need to do so in time. The release can help.
10-18-2005, 12:14 PM #25Anabolic Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2005
I'm truly sorry, SIS. Your situation has brought tears to my eyes.
May God bless your grandfather and family.
Stay strong, buddy!
Users Browsing this Thread
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)