How women turn nice guys into jerks - Explained!!!

[Schwarz]

After my thread I gotta rant about these bitches!!!! i found the following on another board and thought it was very well written and very true. Having been a forner "nice guy" I can relate....The last two paragraphs are very, very true...

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The first set is a couple of quotations from a woman's board on how women perceive NiceGuys:

Female Opinions:
Alexsis - 05:34pm Dec 1 EST (#65 of 84)

Here, here to that!

I hate "nice" guys (some of them :0) I totally agree that they are really just
passive-aggressive losers that lack the intestinal fortitude to take on certain
leadership roles in rel'ps.

I dated a "nice" guy this summer, who when we went out constantly talked about
how much he hated players, and that the players always get the women by lying
and cheating.

Now that hindsight is 20/20, I feel he was just jealous of their confident aura
(not that I condone player types), but they do have a certain kind of
take-charge confidence. Anyway, down with the
"nice-I-am-really-to-scared-to-do-anthing-else guy" Double Yuck!

Marriage2000 - 05:39pm Dec 15, 2000 EST (#3620 of 3653)

Had date ((DZ) with youngerguy last night (27). He was a perfect gentleman
(except for being 1/2 an hour late). Brought me chocolate. Then took me out to
nice (expensive) dinner and for desert later. We have a lot in common. But poor
guy, he was tripping all over himself to try to please me.

He went to Ivy league schools all the way for EE, so I am guessing he's smart
enough. His mom had him when she was in her 40's...his parents are older.

Do I continue to see him? I want him as a friend, but anything else....is very
questionable. Or should I spare myself the time? He needs training and needs to
learn to relax around women. (He's never had a gf). He world probably make a
really good friend/activities partner (since we have so much in common).



This is why men should be jerks. It's simply what women want:
Somehow, most women seem to go after all the wrong
guys for all the wrongs reasons.

To completely end the mystery that perhaps many of
you men in the group may have been wondering about
for a while, most women absolutely DO go after jerks.

But to say "jerk" is not a truly accurate description
of the type of men these women go after. You might just
say that they go after men who are incredibly self-confident
with women. But that would not be completely accurate either.
You could say that they go after the man who is not afraid
of their ***** (please forgive the blunt language), but that
too, would not be totally accurate.

Well the truth is this. Women, more times than not, don't
even know THEMSELVES what it is they are after. Very
seldom do the ever stop to sit down and think of what kind
of guy they would really like to have in their life.
Their idea is ambiguous at best.

So it comes down to this. Women just plainly and purely end
up going after the guy who can make them feel the best.
Period. The WAYS in which they are made to feel good by
the guy(s) they ultimately select are irrelevant.
That's where, and why, they get into trouble.

In an instant gratification society, they just go after
what turns them on the most, first. This is where the so-called
"nice-guy" loses out (which is not an accurate description also).

The so-called nice guy is generally not a smooth-talker. He does
not come-on like he has loads and loads of great feelings and
highs to spare, and generally not extrememly outspoken. From
women's viewpoint, this is taken in all sorts of erroneous ways
that it probably shouldn't be taken. But that's life, and the
legacy of the poor "nice-guy."

In passing, it should be noted for the record, that not ALL
women go after the so-called "jerk" types. Do you want to know
which women do? Only the women you want. So in that light, you
may as well say "all" of them, right?

So how does what I have said relate to the subject of this
post.

When women continue to ****-over the guys they really should
perhaps AT LEAST consider giving more of a chance to, these guys
eventually, and usually quite quickly, begin to realize what
kind of men the women they would like to have are going after.
The result is that one day something just snaps inside of them,
and they begin to emulate and become like the "jerks" that "most"
women seem to love so much. In order to become that kind of man
effectively, it usually has to be taken all the way to the end,
for the "jerk" mindset would not be truly established if it were
not. What that amounts to is becoming the "jerk" that smooth
talks women and turns them on in many ways by showing that they
have loads and loads of great feelings and highs to spare all for
the woman. And in the end, after they have been promptly ****ed,
the guy dumps them. Why? Because that is the jerk's, and the women
who go after jerks, legacy.

So when women inadvertently, or purposely, create so-called
"jerks" out of so-called "nice guys", they are just inadvertently
****ing over other women, their own kind.

[xtinaunasty]

cry me a river

[Schwarz]

cry me a river

Yet another typical example of why nice guys turn into jerks. Well like the piece above says in the end your just ****ing yourself and other women over in the long run. In years time you'll be the one moning about ur bf/husband who's sleeping around, beating you or why he doesn't genrally pay you enough attention....Then guess what I'll be saying....yep that's right "cry me a river"....

Keep on screwing urselves over....

[bor]

cry me a river

As for the post, like I always say it has nothing to do with nice guys, jerks, ferraris, six pack abs or anything we think is important.

Its all about confidence!

The way you see yourself is the way women (and other men) will see you.

It just so happens that a ferrari and / or a six pack is what some guys need to feel confident.

Game, or being a player, is nothing more then beliveing you deserve the woman you're talking too.

[Puffader]

Damn right.

Yo Schwarz, be man and grow some balls. Women only do what you allow them to do to you. Take control of yourself and they will follow. Most women "Act" tough and hard to get. They really want a man to lead them and be swept off their feet and fall in love.

As for the post, like I always say it has nothing to do with nice guys, jerks, ferraris, six pack abs or anything we think is important.

Its all about confidence!

The way you see yourself is the way women (and other men) will see you.

It just so happens that a ferrari and / or a six pack is what some guys need to feel confident.

Game, or being a player, is nothing more then beliveing you deserve the woman you're talking too.

[Schwarz]

Damn right.

Yo Schwarz, be man and grow some balls. Women only do what you allow them to do to you. Take control of yourself and they will follow. Most women "Act" tough and hard to get. They really want a man to lead them and be swept off their feet and fall in love.

You obviously haven't understood the post well. The point I'm trying to make is that it's a shame women respond better to someone who treats them bad than someone who treats them right!

I ain't never let a woman walk over me but I was always kind, considerate and respectful (until they didn't extend the same courtesy to me atleast!). If a gf I was seeing wasn't feeling too good about herself I'd emphasise the things I liked about her so she'd feel better. But I quickly learnt that even this level of thoughtfullness and kindness will get you nowhere.

The problem is that as soon as you say "nice guy" people assume you're talking about little mummys boys who don't have a backbone. I ain't never been like that!!! and trust me I got bigger balls than you can imagine!! A nice guy doesn't have to be some insecure, babling, non confident idiot without a backbone.

I consider myself confident and I definetly got a backbone but because I'm for eg thoughtful, pull a chair up for a woman and try to treat her with respect I get labled a "nice guy" and women immediately look for someone who will mess them about a bit.

I think it's a shame that now I find I'm having to be a bit horrible to the women I see just to keep them happy...and trust me it works. Women do like the jerk!!

S

PS when I say "a bit horrible" I don't mean anything serious. Just not turn up sometimes, not complimenting them, not calling when I say I will, looking at other women etc...

[Puffader]

I know.
That's just how it is and we can't change it.

Try being disinterested before being a jerk. Works everytime.

You obviously haven't understood the post well. The point I'm trying to make is that it's a shame women respond better to someone who treats them bad than someone who treats them right!

I ain't never let a woman walk over me but I was always kind, considerate and respectful (until they didn't extend the same courtesy to me atleast!). If a gf I was seeing wasn't feeling too good about herself I'd emphasise the things I liked about her so she'd feel better. But I quickly learnt that even this level of thoughtfullness and kindness will get you nowhere.

The problem is that as soon as you say "nice guy" people assume you're talking about little mummys boys who don't have a backbone. I ain't never been like that!!! and trust me I got bigger balls than you can imagine!! A nice guy doesn't have to be some insecure, babling, non confident idiot without a backbone.

I consider myself confident and I definetly got a backbone but because I'm for eg thoughtful, pull a chair up for a woman and try to treat her with respect I get labled a "nice guy" and women immediately look for someone who will mess them about a bit.

I think it's a shame that now I find I'm having to be a bit horrible to the women I see just to keep them happy...and trust me it works. Women do like the jerk!!

S

PS when I say "a bit horrible" I don't mean anything serious. Just not turn up sometimes, not complimenting them, not calling when I say I will, looking at other women etc...

[Raven8264]

A lot of these guys (and girls) are being too harsh with you Shwarz. But I think your feelings are mis-guided. You say you have lots of confidence, but there has to be something else going on. There's a world of difference in confidence and how you show it, and that's what women pick up on.

I've noticed a night and day difference in my interactions since I've gotten back into shape and in how I talk to people. It's not a matter of being a jerk. In fact if you're an ass you won't get very far, either. It's just a matter of projecting your confidence in a way that's sincere without being fake about it. That's why a guy who's out-of-shape can still get women who acts that way, though you won't see many of them around. Why? B/c more often than not when they try, it's not sincere for many reasons.

Oftentimes you can also come off as desperate when you try to hard to please a woman. Firs dates are crucial b/c if you do too much, it seems like you're trying to hard to win her over, when in fact YOU should be the one that's deciding whether she's worth YOUR time after that first night out. Women pick up on that through both words and actions. Sure, open a door for her and pull out a chair, but don't make an event out of it or go out of your way to focus on it. You need to let it show that you'd be out having fun whether she was there with you or not, but at the same time you're glad she's there and you let her know that through how you act.

That's one reason direct complements can backfire. I like to give subtle, indirect complements that leave a woman wondering what I meant. Part of it is leaving them curious, b/c when you put your cards on the table too soon it goes back to either desperation, or making it obvious you're giving her all the attention. What happens then? She knows then that she's in control. Then it's all she wrote.

You mention things like calling her when you say you will. Well, when do you say you'll call her after the date, the next day? Bad move. A couple days? That's fine, but don't set-up a specific time, b/c then she might get the impression that you're planning your day around being available to call her at that time. Do call her, but make it a little later than you said. There ARE things that happen in your life that doesn't include her, that you can't always control, ya know

I'm making it sound complicated when it's really not. Just takes a little bit of thought. You'll get there.

[Schwarz]

A lot of these guys (and girls) are being too harsh with you Shwarz. But I think your feelings are mis-guided. You say you have lots of confidence, but there has to be something else going on. There's a world of difference in confidence and how you show it, and that's what women pick up on.

I've noticed a night and day difference in my interactions since I've gotten back into shape and in how I talk to people. It's not a matter of being a jerk. In fact if you're an ass you won't get very far, either. It's just a matter of projecting your confidence in a way that's sincere without being fake about it. That's why a guy who's out-of-shape can still get women who acts that way, though you won't see many of them around. Why? B/c more often than not when they try, it's not sincere for many reasons.

Oftentimes you can also come off as desperate when you try to hard to please a woman. Firs dates are crucial b/c if you do too much, it seems like you're trying to hard to win her over, when in fact YOU should be the one that's deciding whether she's worth YOUR time after that first night out. Women pick up on that through both words and actions. Sure, open a door for her and pull out a chair, but don't make an event out of it or go out of your way to focus on it. You need to let it show that you'd be out having fun whether she was there with you or not, but at the same time you're glad she's there and you let her know that through how you act.

That's one reason direct complements can backfire. I like to give subtle, indirect complements that leave a woman wondering what I meant. Part of it is leaving them curious, b/c when you put your cards on the table too soon it goes back to either desperation, or making it obvious you're giving her all the attention. What happens then? She knows then that she's in control. Then it's all she wrote.

You mention things like calling her when you say you will. Well, when do you say you'll call her after the date, the next day? Bad move. A couple days? That's fine, but don't set-up a specific time, b/c then she might get the impression that you're planning your day around being available to call her at that time. Do call her, but make it a little later than you said. There ARE things that happen in your life that doesn't include her, that you can't always control, ya know

I'm making it sound complicated when it's really not. Just takes a little bit of thought. You'll get there.

mmm you make some interesting points I haven't considered. I'm not sure if it's as simple as you make out though.

I can't agree with your comment that jerks don't profit....I can recount numerous example of a guy being an absolute ass to a girl but she still stays/goes back to him. I've know guys who have slept with their gf best mate and his gf forgave him, one guy I was partying with a couple of months ago called this girl a "fat ass" after she bumped into him in the pub. She went off crying but by the end of the night he had her knickers around her ankles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I've seen this and heard sooo many women complain about these kind of guys sooooo many times..............

I can't help but still think it a simple equation: jerk+stupid woman=long lasting relationship (or just sex) but nice guy+confidence=no woman.

s

[Pinkvelvet]

You obviously haven't understood the post well. The point I'm trying to make is that it's a shame women respond better to someone who treats them bad than someone who treats them right!

I ain't never let a woman walk over me but I was always kind, considerate and respectful (until they didn't extend the same courtesy to me atleast!). If a gf I was seeing wasn't feeling too good about herself I'd emphasise the things I liked about her so she'd feel better. But I quickly learnt that even this level of thoughtfullness and kindness will get you nowhere.

The problem is that as soon as you say "nice guy" people assume you're talking about little mummys boys who don't have a backbone. I ain't never been like that!!! and trust me I got bigger balls than you can imagine!! A nice guy doesn't have to be some insecure, babling, non confident idiot without a backbone.

I consider myself confident and I definetly got a backbone but because I'm for eg thoughtful, pull a chair up for a woman and try to treat her with respect I get labled a "nice guy" and women immediately look for someone who will mess them about a bit.

I think it's a shame that now I find I'm having to be a bit horrible to the women I see just to keep them happy...and trust me it works. Women do like the jerk!!

S

PS when I say "a bit horrible" I don't mean anything serious. Just not turn up sometimes, not complimenting them, not calling when I say I will, looking at other women etc...

Well, I think it's time for my two cents here.....

This is one woman who's intelligence, perserverance, determination, and somewhat good looks attract men who value the same in both their partner and themselves.

Having said that...this is also one woman who has never accepted being treated any less than what I have demanded. I have never asked for the moon...or anything else unattainable from my partner. All I ask for: is your respect, kindness and support. If your content on accepting anyones behavior to be less than anything else...than thats all you'll get.

I have NEVER accepted a jerk attitude toward myself...and, NEVER will.
Like attracts Like.


Trust ME!!! I DON'T LIKE JERKS!

[Schwarz]

Well, I think it's time for my two cents here.....

This is one woman who's intelligence, perserverance, determination, and somewhat good looks attract men who value the same in both their partner and themselves.

Having said that...this is also one woman who has never accepted being treated any less than what I have demanded. I have never asked for the moon...or anything else unattainable from my partner. All I ask for: is your respect, kindness and support. If your content on accepting anyones behavior to be less than anything else...than thats all you'll get.

I have NEVER accepted a jerk attitude toward myself...and, NEVER will.
Like attracts Like.


Trust ME!!! I DON'T LIKE JERKS!

Good to hear but I'm afraid, from what I'm seeing atleast, you are in the minority.

S

[chest6]

You make good points in this thread. I have seen them mainly with this one girl that I have been with for awhile. I used to be your typical nice guy, but now with her she kind of changed me into being not so nice and more similar to her; arguing at stuff that doesnt matter much, getting mad more often than I would normally, and at times being uneasy.
I have seen that the way I am with her is not the same permanently with all girls. We broke up in March of this year and I started talking to another girl and I was still the shy, nice guy that I have always been. I wouldnt say changes are permanent, at least not in my case.

[xtinaunasty]

Yet another typical example of why nice guys turn into jerks. Well like the piece above says in the end your just ****ing yourself and other women over in the long run. In years time you'll be the one moning about ur bf/husband who's sleeping around, beating you or why he doesn't genrally pay you enough attention....Then guess what I'll be saying....yep that's right "cry me a river"....

Keep on screwing urselves over....

im a lesbian...my g/f treats me like a queen

[7f8]

You definitely do bring up good points. I am more of a shy type a first but when I get to know people I open up considerably more. Each of these past two summers a different girl has liked me that let it be known to me. I didn't want to be more than friends with either but I mistakingly didn't let them know that. Looking back at it, its almost as if I played hard to get from their perspective and by the end of the summer they were a bit over the top for me and I was in a bit of trouble
I thought I was just giving subtle hints I didn't want to be more than friends but then they became even more attracted. It was the first time I noticed this and I just found it pretty interesting I suppose and its similar to what some other people are saying by dont show the girl she is the center of ure day and she'll want u even more..

[7f8]

im a lesbian...my g/f treats me like a queen

still doesnt justify your cry me a river comment.

[RA]

cry me a river

LMAO....typical woman response.....

[RA]

Ive said it before, you should only be nice to your girl 40% of the time.

[xtinaunasty]

still doesnt justify your cry me a river comment.

they were too seperate statements.

cry me a river = quit your bitchin, just because you've had a few bad experiences with women doesnt mean they are all like that or they are all bad. just like i dont think all men are pigs because that is what i have dealt with. Women realize there are nice guys out there (including me) but for some of us, it isnt what we want at the time...


and if you're a "yes man" that is totally unsexy to women. be confident...its hot

[xtinaunasty]

LMAO....typical woman response.....

typical male response

[xtinaunasty]

haha j/k roidattack...i just didnt know what about that was typical. i doubt you hear it too often...?

[Puffader]

This woman needs to be spanked by a real man.

they were too seperate statements.

cry me a river = quit your bitchin, just because you've had a few bad experiences with women doesnt mean they are all like that or they are all bad. just like i dont think all men are pigs because that is what i have dealt with. Women realize there are nice guys out there (including me) but for some of us, it isnt what we want at the time...


and if you're a "yes man" that is totally unsexy to women. be confident...its hot

[Pinkvelvet]

This woman needs to be spanked by a real man.

Let me guess....your the one to give it to her?!

[powerliftmike]

cry me a river

LMAO

[powerliftmike]

Take it like a real man (like me) .

[Puffader]

Oh Pinkie. You know I want you and only you!

I'll tell you what. If you let me, I'll spank her good..!

Let me guess....your the one to give it to her?!

[Pinkvelvet]

Oh Pinkie. You know I want you and only you!

I'll tell you what. If you let me, I'll spank her good..!

As long as I get to watch!!

[Puffader]

You bet! Anyone want pics?

You up for this xtina?

As long as I get to watch!!

[BARLOW]

o ma werd ><
somebody spank somebody and evey1 b an asshole like me so u can all have 5-6 gf's that know about eachother, NOW LETS BE ASSHOLES.


bahaha

[RA]

haha j/k roidattack...i just didnt know what about that was typical. i doubt you hear it too often...?

I like to be with strong women, not pushovers. If I wanted a woman like that I would order one. So, yes, Ive heard that before but only before I started the 40% thing. Just from experience-a woman stays with a man only if she feels like he could get up and walk out tomorrow and be just fine. (see swolecats answer in the thread where the guy was asking if the girl slept w/another guy-good example) No offense, men and women are both shallow.

[USfighterFC]

Honestly I see the thread starters point. You always hear women saying "Why does every guy I meet have to be an asshole" or "Why can't I just meet a decent guy." My relationship that just ended was a carbon copy for what he was talking about. I never was so nice to a girl, she was a total bitch, i became a huge dick, the end.

[USfighterFC]

And that previous post had no point to it whatsoever

[bor]

im a lesbian...my g/f treats me like a queen

ooooh a HOT unexpected twist

[decadbal]

i treat ppl the way the treat me, if a giril is sweet, nice and good to me, then i am to her, when she starts acting like shes sittin on the only ***** in the world, i quickly remind her she isnt.... and that moving on doesnt bother me at all.. im lucky now, i have a gem... and i think if ppl asked her, she would say i was or am great to her, i have no reason to mistreat her, bc she is great to me, she respects me and honors the decisions i make about my life and involving her. so i try to do the exact same thing

[RA]

And that previous post had no point to it whatsoever

Its probably just over your head.

[CAUSASIAN]

So true. I used to be a teddy bear to girls, they treated me like trash. Now I treat them with the "I dont care" attitude, and they cant seem to get enough.

[chest6]

So true. I used to be a teddy bear to girls, they treated me like trash. Now I treat them with the "I dont care" attitude, and they cant seem to get enough.

yup..I have done this..but then i turned out to be an ass cuz I was gettin stomped on basically

[steve0]

the idont care attitude works best in my favore, dont know why but it dose so stop careing if you are

[chest6]

the idont care attitude works best in my favore, dont know why but it dose so stop careing if you are

The I dont care attitude works beautifully...if you pay too much attention to them..theyll get annoyed or take you for granted..if you stop talking to them they will call you nonstop and be really interested.

[xtinaunasty]

you know what....you guys are right!! damn...so what if we had the 'i dont care' attitude. would it work to bag you guys?

[HULKBOY]

you know what....you guys are right!! damn...so what if we had the 'i dont care' attitude. would it work to bag you guys?

nope wed just go to the next girl