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Thread: Do you relate?

  1. #1
    ShnouzedUp's Avatar
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    Do you relate?

    Iím a modern man, a man for the millennium.
    Digital and smoke free.
    A diversified multi-cultural,
    post-modern deconstruction,
    that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect.

    Iíve been up linked and downloaded,
    Iíve been inputted and outsourced,
    I know the upside of downsizing,
    I know the downside of upgrading.

    Iím a high-tech low-life.
    A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker
    and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

    Iím new wave, but Iím old school
    and my inner child is outward bound.

    Iím a hot-wired, heat seeking,
    warm-hearted, cool customer,
    voice activated and bio-degradable.

    I interface with my database,
    my database is in cyberspace,
    so Iím interactive, Iím hyperactive
    and from time to time Iím radioactive.

    Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve,
    ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope.

    Iím on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs.
    Iíve got no need for coke and speed.
    I've got no urge to binge and purge.
    iím in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar.
    A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary.
    A street-wise smart bomb.
    A top-gun bottom feeder.

    I wear power ties, I tell power lies,
    I take power naps and run victory laps.
    Iím a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker
    with a pro-active outreach.
    A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic.
    Out of rehab and in denial!

    Iíve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant
    and a personal agenda.

    You canít shut me up.
    You canít dumb me down
    because Iím tireless and Iím wireless,
    Iím an alpha male on beta-blockers.

    Iím a non-believer and an over-achiever,
    laid-back but fashion-forward.
    Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance.
    Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting,
    oven-ready and built-to-last!

    Iím a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case
    pretty maturely post-traumatic
    and Iíve got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

    But, Iím feeling, Iím caring, Iím healing, Iím sharing--
    a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver.

    My output is down, but my income is up.
    I took a short position on the long bond
    and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow.

    I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports!
    Iím gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.
    I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the ďFĒ word in my emails
    and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn.

    i bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I
    bought a mini-van at a mega-store.
    I eat fast-food in the slow lane.
    Iím toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes.
    A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested,
    clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle.

    Iíve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened,
    pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried,
    double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and,
    I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

    iím a rude dude, but Iím the real deal.
    Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock.
    Rough, tough and hard to bluff.

    I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide.
    Iíve got glide in my stride.
    Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin.
    I donít snooze, so I donít lose.
    I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road.
    I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time.
    Iím hangin in, there ainít no doubt
    and Iím hangin tough, over and out!

  2. #2
    Lavinco's Avatar
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    sum it up in one sentence then i'll tell you if I relate.

  3. #3
    MoneyAddyct is offline Member
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    Is that George Carlin? Looks familiar.

  4. #4
    chest6's Avatar
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    psh thats nuthin compared to the AVENGED

  5. #5
    ShnouzedUp's Avatar
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    LoL yea its Carlin..... Who or what the foo is the AVENGED????

  6. #6
    bigJJ's Avatar
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    Even if he were born 50 years from now, Carlin would still have been ahead of his time. The man is a philosopher/critic with a rapier wit. Not to mention an extraordinarily gifted manipulator of the English language. The fact that he's not shy about being vulgar as hell just adds to his charm

  7. #7
    ShnouzedUp's Avatar
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    yea, i agree..Ya know he's doin a Live HBO Special this weekend 9 central time.. That little ditty up there will be on it.. I saw him live a few months back, the show was more than great to say the least.

  8. #8
    Pinkvelvet's Avatar
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    I got so bored after the first paragraph...i stopped.

    Frickin novel!

  9. #9
    chest6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShnouzedUp
    LoL yea its Carlin..... Who or what the foo is the AVENGED????
    avenged sevenfold

  10. #10
    ShnouzedUp's Avatar
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    one of my favorite bands.... you a killswitch fan chest? ooorrr Atreyu maybe?

  11. #11
    SwoleCat is offline AR Hall of Fame
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pinkvelvet
    I got so bored after the first paragraph...i stopped.

    Frickin novel!


    ~SC~

  12. #12
    Diezed is offline Junior Member
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    man i thought you wrote that....and ya it is long as hell

  13. #13
    Mizfit's Avatar
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    where is Snoozie?

  14. #14
    -DedicateD-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShnouzedUp
    one of my favorite bands.... you a killswitch fan chest? ooorrr Atreyu maybe?
    killswitch and atreyu are all over my mp3 player at the gym, good stuff

  15. #15
    DamnYouMSN's Avatar
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    what type of music is that?

  16. #16
    Mizfit's Avatar
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    ahh he is suspended

  17. #17
    -DedicateD-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DamnYouMSN
    what type of music is that?
    metalcore/hardcore music mostly

    you can still understand the words but it has a lot of screaming.
    hard guitar and drums in the majority of the songs

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