11-14-2005, 10:10 AM #1Anabolic Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2001
I need jerry springer holiday advise!
Well who doesnít have em? Family problems!
With Holidays just around the corner, Iím at a loss in what I can do.
Here is the situation. I have 3 siblings, 1 younger brother an older sister and a younger sister.
About 18 months ago my brother was released from the military and I invited him to stay with myself and my girl friend. We have the space, and were happy to see him home safe. Iím not sure if anyone remembers, but about a year ago I asked for advice on the same situation, he slept with my girl friend. With out getting into the details (though I can post them if requested) she wanted to repair the situation, was an alcoholic and felt taken advantage of. My brother has had a past of doing this to girls, heís been accused of rape a few times and I did end up taking my girl friend back.
I feel she has been honest, was not strong enough and is now much stronger and still trying. She has yet to take a drink and itís been almost a year. My brother ran with his tail between his legs, has never contacted me. Iíve contacted him 2 times and heís dodged me.
Now my younger sister is a little upset because Iíve said ďI will not avoid him if I run into him, but I will not setup a dinner with himĒ. Basically if I see him, I see him Iím not going to be a coward and run from the situation. But I hardly see how it is my responsibility to reach out to him, when he is the one that has betrayed my trust. Iím not against repairing our relationship. But I do feel I should not have to be the mechanic in this situation.
To make the matters even more intresting. My younger sister was talking to me last week and mentioned my brother had stopped by to her surprise. My sister is seeing a guy who brough up the situation to my brother. My sisters man is really obnoxious and has a lot of money so he thinks everyone should try to like him. My sister basicly said my brother played if off as a joke and joked with her boyfriend (who is like 35 and she is 21) about it. Knowing my brother (no one knows him better than me) he is really uncomfortable about the situation and played along to avoid talking about it seriously. On the other hand, my sisters boyfriend is not uncomfortable about it. My older sister said he constantly grills my brother about it any time he is around. So Iím not really looking to have a relationship with that ass hole either.
Iím sure my brother will not show up to thanksgiving and when told about what Iíve said he will simply say he will not go then as he is still running from the whole problem. However Thanksgiving is suppose to be at my little sisters house, and Iím really not sure if I should go with her boyfriend there. Iíve never really liked him, I suspect his 5í5Ē ass of beating up my sister a time or two and with this on top of it I feel I might have to slap some respect in him if he gets smug at dinner.
I want to have a good relationship with my sisters and my brother even. But should I sit out holidays this year?
11-14-2005, 10:19 AM #2
no, u shoud do what the rest of us do, bite your tongue and sit there.. they dont ask them to like you, nor u like them, just respect your sister enough to go and be wit her.. im sure everyone in life doesnt like you, them beating your ass everytime for nothign major doenst fix anything.. your not 6... you dont have to like everyone your around, and if u do, i hope your closets are big
11-14-2005, 12:20 PM #3Anabolic Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2001
I appriciate the advice, but I'm just not sure of the point.
Why sit though an un-enjoyable dinner with people who have shown you no respect?
To be honest, I'm a little upset with my little sister anyway that she allows 2 people to joke at the expense of my well being.
11-14-2005, 01:34 PM #4
wow you're more forgiving that me. I would have beat the living shit out of my brother if he did that. and if anyone in the family stood up for him after that I would cut them out of my life as well. that crap is unforgivable in my mind. I'm not telling you to do that, but thats just me.
11-14-2005, 02:47 PM #5
Do you have proof that your sister's boyfriend beats her up? If so, kick his a$$.
11-14-2005, 03:02 PM #6Originally Posted by J-Dogg
well, just let it be known that you will be there.. and that it is important to you.. so the subject will come up..
if he had "raped' or assaulted your sister or someone else.. wouldn't you make him stand up to it??
the point is, a member of the family chossing to be an outcast because he won't answer for his decissions is his choice..
not your's..The answer to your every question
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11-14-2005, 05:08 PM #7Anabolic Member
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- Oct 2001
I truly do feel I am a forgiving person and for the most part I put my feelings and stubborness aside. I would like to leave this earth with the satisfaction that I was not selfish and put other people first. I do not wish to leave though being a sucker.
I don't have proof my sisters boyfriend has ever hit her. My older sister has had my mother hint around that "He is good to her and gets her what she wants so I guess other things can be over looked", somthing along those lines. Meeting him, talking to him and hearing about him he has short guy sydrome and definatly meets the criteria of a woman beater if things were not as he chooses.
Some times I wish though my brother would just show up. I'd like to get the whole family at a dinner and get everything right out on the table. I know he would not be honest in front of them however because he is really embarassed and selfish about this. He left me a note, which did not match up with what he told my sisters about how it happend.
I do like the advice, it helps me think... I think Spy has a great idea, I'll go. Let him showup, he can say what ever he wants I'm confident in the choices I have made, he however is unsure and ashamed. No sweat off my back, if he even shows up.
11-14-2005, 07:35 PM #8
interesting story i must say....honestly family is supremely important and you should go even if it sucks.....remember this..........everyone hates their family...j/k...but you should really go.....i would actually talk to your sisters b/f about why he asks your brother about what happened. it's family affairs and doesnt concern his midget ass so butt the **** out of it. Go and try your best to put a smile on your face like everything is fine and dandy...they're probably waiting to see your mood and see if your upset, depressed and pissed off....in my opinion your the one who will most likely dictate the mood of everyone for the day....just try it and see what happens.....ask yourself what is the worst that can come out of attending a thanksgiving dinner with your fams as opposed to not going and let it eat at you what may have been. Sooner or later your going to have to confront your family and your feelings and the longer you wait, the more irrepairable the situation and relationships become....even if you leave the dinner with a bad taste in your mouth you can commend yourself for at least trying to patch things up.
11-14-2005, 08:01 PM #9
dude you took back ur gf after he banged ur girl???? i would dissowen them both and PS kick sisters BF a$$ just to let out some anger, man there is know way i could have taken her back evreytime i woud look at her i would see my brother
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