Thread: Woman Issues
11-17-2005, 03:06 AM #1
I first came on this board well over a year ago and have learned a truck load of info and have cut from 250+ to 200lbs all while being single, i simply ate, slept and trained non stop without interuptions. So here i find myself 2 weeks into my newest cutting run but this time around i am in a serious relationship, i love the girl and her daughter very much, things have bee rough lately due to our schedules and now on top of that i am cutting again (see my DIET forum thread if you like) and am focused on doing everything spot on just like last time.
The problem is'nt that she wants me to eat shitty foods etc.. its the fact that i either do something 150% or not at all, there is no in between with me. So this has caused some extra strain, she lives in another town (25-30 miles away with her parents).
My schedule is 4pm-1:30am M-T-W-F-Sat
Her schedule is 3pm-7am (16 hour days) Sat-Sun & Mon 3-11pm and school on Tues & Thurs
We try to spend time together on Thursday after she gets out of school at 7pm
With my schedule and with me focused on cutting, i get off at 1:30am or so and get to the gym by 1:50-2am and am out of there by 3-3:15....have my PPWO around 4:30 and then my pro/fat around 7:00am to which i have been setting my alarm to wake up to chug the ****er down and then i sleep until 1pm and then do cardio for 45-1hr and then shower and head to work by 3:30pm
Am i missing something here or do i not have any ****ing time here?
I absolutely hate my ****ing work schedule, but what can i do i gotta work. She gets all upset tonight saying i do not come see her bla bla bla and that she is second to my weight lifting.
I told her before i started this new cutting that i would really need her support with this and that it takes alot of dedication and focus. She understood but i don't think she truly understood what it takes. I am new to being in relationship while being focused on my cutting etc...
There is not a gym near by her backwoods town so that is a problem, if i go over there and wake up and come home to do my AM cardio i would be losing sleep when in fact i only get around 6 hours as it is...
I will admit that i am insensitive when it comes to this subject with her because it means everything to me to reach my goals etc.. i had been heavy for most of my adolesence and it really affected me as an adult and i absolutely refuse to let myself go and stop training etc...
I know it sounds bad like i don't care about her but this whole health/training thing is a very deep personal issue with me and i will most definately sit her down tommorow and discuss this with her again and see if we can make it better but i will not compromise my goals/health. When i do not get to hit the gym i truly feel bad and feel like a fat slob. I am always calling myself fat in front of her and how i need to get my "fat ass" in the gym etc... she always says how crazy i am and that i am not fat to which i know i am not fat but i do not like what i see in the mirror and i guess constantly refering to myself as fat is motivation or something?
I would also like to add that she has not said anything like "Its me or your weight lifting"..she is not like that but she truly feels second best to it all and i want to change that feeling for her....
So my question is, how do i remain focused and put in the time/effort it takes while being in a serious relationship with the schedules we both have? I am sure i am not alone in this situation, also like to add that she does not train and in no way needs to as she is petite at 115-117lbs so working out together is not an option, remember she has a daughter to (3 yrs old).
Sorry it was long but i gotta get it off my chest...this is as good a place as any i figured.
Last edited by Panzerfaust; 11-17-2005 at 03:10 AM.
11-17-2005, 05:27 AM #2
You both need to try and free up our scheduals so you have the weekends to spend with eachother. That is the only solution I know off. Me and my girl lives far apart(4 hour bussride)but we try to spend as many weekends as we can togheter.
11-17-2005, 06:11 AM #3
Bro...this is a typical ****ing female response. When they need support and understanding they expect you to give it to them but when you need it it's "oh you never come see me" or "you put your w/o before me". Well I would say **** you bitch! And what's with this "you never come see me"...what's wrong with her fat ass coming to see you every once in a while! And don't take that "i've got the kid to look after" crap neither coz if she's still living at home I'm sure she can get her mum and dad to look after the kid!
I've seen so many guys at the gym go this way. They were dedicatdd like pros before the bitch steps on the scene and then all of a sudden it's "I can't come down the gym tonight coz she'll get mad" and beofre you know it 5-7 years of balls to the wall training and 50-80lbs of muscle earned with blood, sweat and tears just melts away. Before they know it they're either 150lb weaklings again or 250lbs tubs of lard who follow the orders given by their women like robots! And the beauty is that the women then go of them!!!!
You need to have a serious talk to your missus...something along the lines of:
You: I'm sorry but BB is important to me just like your kid is important to you and I need to do this properly. I am willing to meet you half way to make this work
Her: But you never spend anytime with me
You: Tough....you'll just have to deal with the situation. Just like I'm de****g with the fact that some idiot knocked you up and you now expect me to raise his kid.
Then walk away..... . Stand up for urself bro....otherwise you'll be back to where you were during your adolescence (sp?) and it don't sound like you want that! If she's a keeper she will understand where you've come from and why BB is so important to you...REMEMBER THAT!
11-17-2005, 06:27 AM #4English Rudeboy
Originally Posted by Schwarz
- Join Date
- Aug 2004
11-17-2005, 06:43 AM #5Originally Posted by Schwarz
now wonder u got problems with women
11-17-2005, 06:45 AM #6Originally Posted by NotSmall
I can see where you're going with this but my point is simply:
1. It seems like this bird doesn't want to meet him half way. She expects him to do all the work
2. Men have become soft. When women want support either emotional or to achieve a career goal etc we bend over backwards but when we need some we rarely get it.
3. This guy has worked hard to get where he is and it doesn't sound like he wants to go back to where he was. She should atleast make an attempt to understand why BB is so important to him. It doesn't look like she has!!
Last edited by Schwarz; 11-17-2005 at 06:50 AM.
11-17-2005, 06:47 AM #7Originally Posted by IronFreakX
11-17-2005, 06:50 AM #8Originally Posted by Schwarz
11-17-2005, 06:51 AM #9English Rudeboy
Originally Posted by Schwarz
- Join Date
- Aug 2004
I think you actually offended IronfreakX though, he must be part of the women's rights movement!
11-17-2005, 06:57 AM #10Originally Posted by NotSmall
Probably shouldn't have brought the kid into it. Just had a bad experience once.....caught this bird I was seeing admitting to a mate of mine she actually fancied that the only reason she was going out with me was coz I could be a good dad to her son and coz I had a good paying job.....women can be right bitches sometimes. But I'm learning......
11-17-2005, 07:02 AM #11Originally Posted by Schwarz
and you say u dont bend over..tsk tsk...
11-17-2005, 07:05 AM #12Originally Posted by IronFreakX
11-17-2005, 07:07 AM #13Originally Posted by Schwarz
11-17-2005, 07:11 AM #14
ok honestly , I dont care about this whole internettoughguyikickedsomedudesasslookatmeimsoo** **ing hot
so u can swim in it all u want...Im too old for this chatroom owning shit
and seems like u cAN use the extra self esteem from winning internet fights..so here ya go....1st place... l8r bro
11-17-2005, 07:13 AM #15Originally Posted by IronFreakX
11-17-2005, 08:59 AM #16
hahaha QUIT FIGHTING BRUH'S anyway ninjia, i always tell the girl when i get in a new relationship that " hey look as long as you dont get in the way of my training, diet ect, well be good" im mean i goota hit the gym just about evreyday and im home alot because i cook all the damn time, gotta eat right?? maybe you guys should get a place togater if ur serious about her, and try to find a new job man nobody should work hours like that man..
11-17-2005, 02:42 PM #17
Well iut al blew up today, first i tried to wake up early at 11am to make it over there around 12, so in reality i wake up at 1:40pm and give her a call and i get how she thought i would have been there around 12 to talk, damnit i tried but **** i need some sleep you must understand.
So i tell her i am on my way so i shower and get my meals together and head out around 2:15 and then get stuck in traffic and give her a call, she is pissed and we have a hell of an arguement, she tells me how i don't care about her and that i only come and see her once a week, in reality with her schedule being more open it is better that she come here...i understand the effort she makes to make it here but it is more convienient for her to do it than me.
Anyways i cannot make her understand the importance of my lifestyle, i am not sure if we will reconcile or not, i can't afford the stress as it will affect my workout etc..
So she told me not to come over and not to come over tonight, so i turned around and home trying to watch some Tv since i never have time for it usually.
I think we could make this work when she calms down and allows me to explain and see what we can do to make it work, if she cannot understand than i am afraid this is over.
There is no way we can switch schedules, we are screwed as far as that goes.
Last edited by Panzerfaust; 11-17-2005 at 02:48 PM.
11-17-2005, 02:53 PM #18English Rudeboy
- Join Date
- Aug 2004
Stand your ground bro, let her come to you.
You are going through a power struggle that will determine the balance of power for the rest of the relationship.
11-18-2005, 03:20 AM #19Originally Posted by NotSmall
Last edited by Schwarz; 11-21-2005 at 06:47 AM.
11-18-2005, 03:30 AM #20Originally Posted by muriloninja
To bad about scheduals. To be honest with you. If a girl game me that kind of drama when you cant help the situation I would pull out...She has to understand that for periods you might not be able to get there more than once a week. She has to be prepared to go to your place aswell!!
11-18-2005, 03:41 AM #21
She has been coming to my place and that was an issue that was brought up (me coming there and you never coming here etc), and Schwarz calm all the woman hate down, its getting ridiculous.
I talked to her in detail and we had a good evening with her family, it truly is a good relationship its just this last week she has missed me alot, her daugther went away with her mother this week so that left her alone and expecting more out of me when in reality i could'nt make up for it, i think things will get better.
11-18-2005, 03:53 AM #22
Murilon if you love her and feel this is worth the comitment than do everything to make it work. Honestly take a week where you ditch 1-2 workouts and spend the time with her. That wont hurt your progress at all. Might even help it, give the body some rest while dieting. If you realy want it to work small sacrifices like that might be needed. If your not planing to compete it wont make any visual difference anyway.
11-20-2005, 10:03 PM #23
Well folks, i am here once again to report the situation has not gotten any better and has actually gotten worse.
She is still giving me attitude over my working out, she has made it cloear now that she does not accept it. I talked to her on Thursday night about this which i posted later that night. I thought things would be better as i told her i would make sure to see her on my days off etc...
Today i did not work so i drove into her area and took her to lunch and all seemed ok and then half way through dinner she reminds me about her going out of state with her family for Thanksgiving but now added she will be leaving on Tuesday. Just great!
Anyways it all went down from there and i took her back to work and on the way it got worse and she said she thinks our relationship is like the movie "Fever Pitch" and that the last two weeks she has realised that weight training is not a hobbie for me but an "Addiction".
I have not seen her daughter since she came back from a trip with her grandma (I was watching her on Sundays while she worked) and i brought it up and she of course is fading her out of my life so she can leave me. I called her on it and told her "I noticed this and figured you were making a move to leave me, great job...job well done" and then i hung up on her. She also mentioned "I don't feel connected to you right now".
She does recognize my work situation (4pm-1:30am) makes it worse and i told her if i could get another shift i would and that would help us alot, i guess she is forgeting she will be going to LVN school and will not have time for me, but i guess thats ok?
Its about safe to say this sonofabitch relationship is over...i did tell her "Thats ok, i will take this time to focus more on my training, so thanks for that".
Last edited by Panzerfaust; 11-20-2005 at 10:08 PM.
11-20-2005, 10:09 PM #24
do what makes you happy are you going to be happy with her 20 years from now fat and married. or still looken good and single or with someone that supports you worken out girl is crazy is she doesnt want her man to look good
11-20-2005, 10:21 PM #25Anabolic Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2005
You have your answer.
Nobody could have told you this would happen, however, it is time to focus on #1 again. Train, eat, sleep , and do cardio w/ all the more intensity.
11-20-2005, 10:35 PM #26Originally Posted by big L 17
She did say on Thursday something similar to "I guess this is what i have to put up with for a muscle guy".
She likes that i am in shape etc... she says it alot while i call myself fat all the time.
Go figure i have not talked to her in an hour or so since i hung up on her.
11-21-2005, 06:47 AM #27Originally Posted by Schwarz
11-21-2005, 09:12 AM #28
Women who don't lift don't understand men who do. (Also, women who don't juice don't understand men that do, either.) As other responders have said, some accomodations will have to be made. Since your training is more important to you than to her, I am afraid that most of it will be on your shoulders. You might be able to help her see things a bit closer to your way by showing her your "before" pics, and asking her which "you" she would be most proud to be seen in public with.
Remember, if you have enough focus and the ability to reach high levels of mental intensity while training alone and with minimal equipment, you can carry a gym around in the back of your truck or car. A pair of the big olympic dumbbell handles, that take the regular olympic plates, would work well for you. The handles and maybe 300 lbs of loose plates, and a folding bench, and you are good to go. Get straps if you have a hard time with heavy dumbbell squats or deadlifts or shrugs, etc. Keep the form clean and you won't need as much weight. Make sure you have proper thumbscrew-type collars, though. The spring collars WILL dump iron on your toes sooner or later. Anyway, handles and collars together are about 15 lbs apiece, so sticking a half dozen 25 pound plates on each handle gives you a pair of 165 lb dumbbells... that's 330 pounds, which is enough, given good form, for practically anyone to at least maintain with. Tricks like not coming all the way up out of the hole when squatting, slow negatives, higher reps, stuff like that will ensure that this is enough weight for you for some time to come. Me and my ex took several road trips equipped in this manner. Sometimes we would just stop in a scenic place or at a rest stop and train. (Luckily, we thrive on attention.)
The "take no prisoners" attitude toward training and diet is admirable and will ensure you some tremendous improvement. Unfortunately, it isn't always compatible with a relationship with a non-lifting partner. I hate to say this, but your training, which now has priority in your life, might have to take a back seat to your relationship. You can't give your everything to both things. One or the other generally has to suffer.
Too bad your GF puts in such hours. If she had a bit of spare time, you could try to interest her in lifting. Once a woman gets bitten by the iron bug, they tend to get really wrapped up in it. Try leaving some BB mags laying around, with pics from women's competitions. Lead the horse to water and see if it drinks, you know?
Good luck with this. This is the quandary that all serious lifters face sooner or later... balancing out training with another equally demanding distraction. Everybody has their own way of handling it and prioritizing or optimizing things. Don't be surprised if you both decide that it just isn't working. If you part, part as friends. You never know what might re-develop a few years down the line.
11-21-2005, 09:33 AM #29English Rudeboy
Originally Posted by Anna Bollick
- Join Date
- Aug 2004
11-21-2005, 01:41 PM #30
Still have not talked to her, i love her very much and if we don't reconcile, i will let her know how i feel about her and tell her i am here for her if she would ever need me.
Other than that i am gonna be working and training to keep my mind of it all.
11-21-2005, 02:44 PM #31
I am so pissed i could ****ing scream, my mind is not in focus with all this shit and on top of that i forgot my pale with all my meals and i am here at work....**** **** **** **** ****..........
11-21-2005, 03:48 PM #32Originally Posted by muriloninja
11-21-2005, 06:59 PM #33
dont strees to hard Ninja it will pass in time, keep your head up and train hard bruh, hope all is well
11-21-2005, 07:23 PM #34
Well i had to get a shitty roast beef sandwich from the machine on break, ditched the bread and had the roast beef and cheese..was'nt anythig to it but i am trying to adapt here in this situation, for lunch i will go out and get a chicken salad.
Still pissed that i forgot my pale, this is the 2nd time....
*On a side note, still have not spoken with her*
11-21-2005, 07:38 PM #35
nijia what in the hell do you do for a living if you dont mind me asking ??
11-21-2005, 09:51 PM #36
I am Senior Support Specialist for a company called Stream International, basically doing Tech support for HP (at the moment we have an HP contract)and mentoring employees.
Had the salad and got a McChicken for later, will ditch the bread of course.
Damn what a rough day as far as macros go...
Last edited by Panzerfaust; 11-21-2005 at 09:55 PM.
11-21-2005, 09:54 PM #37
I spoke with her on my lunch break, we are gonna try and work it out...more to come as it comes in....
Users Browsing this Thread
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)