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  1. #1
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    30 facts about Chuck Norris




    Subject: 30 Facts about Chuck Norris

    1-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    2-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
    because he has run out of women.

    3-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
    the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she
    was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    4- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
    stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
    Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,
    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the
    crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

    5- Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
    Norris can kill him and take it.

    6- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
    decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
    grew a beard.

    7- Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

    8- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
    information he wants.

    9- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

    10- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
    unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
    finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
    back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
    should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
    the month.

    11- Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
    could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
    RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding
    his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't *** with
    Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this
    statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of
    the blast went deaf.

    12- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    13- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another
    fist.

    14- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
    till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
    face.

    15- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
    assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
    deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    16- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
    "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
    of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
    Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
    kick related deaths.

    17- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
    smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different
    kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
    Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    18- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

    19- Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "***."

    20- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    21- Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

    22- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
    trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    23- Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
    school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
    referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck
    roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
    proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

    24- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
    only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
    not had to pay taxes ever.

    25- The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
    Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
    starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
    drug-de****g Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
    much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

    26- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
    beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

    27- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
    cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
    requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
    his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

    28- Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
    saying "booya".

    29- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
    deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

    30- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
    Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

  2. #2
    NotSmall is offline English Rudeboy
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    Hmmm....looks familiar.....

  3. #3
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    lucabratzi is offline Anabolic Member
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    its not to often that i laugh out loud by myself but this shit was ****in funny...

  4. #4
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    sidekicks

  5. #5
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    who really gives a fvck!
    that aint aimed at you bro just tha the amount of chuck shit on the lounge after a while it gets a tad boring!if you know wat i mean!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotSmall
    Hmmm....looks familiar.....
    thats what i was thinking.....

  7. #7
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    31. He sucks a mean dick.
    32. He wears dresses.
    33. He is the corniest actor ever.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by roidattack
    31. He sucks a mean dick.
    32. He wears dresses.
    33. He is the corniest actor ever.
    my hero!!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by booz
    who really gives a fvck!
    that aint aimed at you bro just tha the amount of chuck shit on the lounge after a while it gets a tad boring!if you know wat i mean!
    Everything Chuck related is for humor purposes only. Thats the only reason i posted it, humor........funny...........you know "ha ha".
    I don't know if its because you're from the UK, but get a sense of humor, after all you're in the lounge.

  10. #10
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    chuck noris is a hobo!!!!

  11. #11
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    chuck norris is in the top 5 of the wealthiest men in texas right now...when he sold his sh!tty @ss show Walker Texas Ranger and the rights to it and everything, he got 660 million dollars for it. and his kids are lil pieces of shit...like if you are a truck driver or hell even the owner of a small business they seriously look down on your like you are scum (I know this because I have met Chuck's stunt double who is actually in better shape than Chuck, and got fired for 2 years because he almost got in a fight with one of Chuck's sons)...stupid lil rich kids that never have to work for anything they have.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kaptainkeezy04
    chuck norris is in the top 5 of the wealthiest men in texas right now...when he sold his sh!tty @ss show Walker Texas Ranger and the rights to it and everything, he got 660 million dollars for it. and his kids are lil pieces of shit...like if you are a truck driver or hell even the owner of a small business they seriously look down on your like you are scum (I know this because I have met Chuck's stunt double who is actually in better shape than Chuck, and got fired for 2 years because he almost got in a fight with one of Chuck's sons)...stupid lil rich kids that never have to work for anything they have.

    That story fits him perfectly. Looks like the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by heavyrotation92
    Everything Chuck related is for humor purposes only. Thats the only reason i posted it, humor........funny...........you know "ha ha".
    I don't know if its because you're from the UK, but get a sense of humor, after all you're in the lounge.
    fair enuff mate humour or not he still bores the pants off me and i was postin an opinion,thats wat this forum is about is it not mate,opinions??
    and by the way i aint from the uk im English not british thankyou.

  15. #15
    NotSmall is offline English Rudeboy
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    Quote Originally Posted by heavyrotation92
    Everything Chuck related is for humor purposes only. Thats the only reason i posted it, humor........funny...........you know "ha ha".
    I don't know if its because you're from the UK, but get a sense of humor, after all you're in the lounge.
    Watch the racism.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotSmall
    Watch the racism.

  17. #17
    NotSmall is offline English Rudeboy
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    Quote Originally Posted by booz
    fair enuff mate humour or not he still bores the pants off me and i was postin an opinion,thats wat this forum is about is it not mate,opinions??
    and by the way i aint from the uk im English not british thankyou.
    God save the Queen!

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotSmall
    Watch the racism.
    how was that racism?

  19. #19
    NotSmall is offline English Rudeboy
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaptainkeezy04
    how was that racism?
    He was insinuating that booz had no sense of humour because of his nationality.

    I was actually joking though, maybe you would have realised if you weren't American!

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaptainkeezy04
    how was that racism?
    like your buddy said earlier mate,humour!

  21. #21
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    oh okay...thought he was bein serious....haha???

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    i was about to say.... being from the UK is not a race. it's a nationality.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by heavyrotation92
    i was about to say.... being from the UK is not a race. it's a nationality.
    yes it is mate but seein as our fellow british citizens hate us the english i class myself as english not british,i dont know if you understand wat im sayin??the welsh irish and scottish and all the illegal immegrants hate us we aint very well liked

  24. #24
    NotSmall is offline English Rudeboy
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    Quote Originally Posted by booz
    yes it is mate but seein as our fellow british citizens hate us the english i class myself as english not british,i dont know if you understand wat im sayin??the welsh irish and scottish and all the illegal immegrants hate us we aint very well liked
    I lived in northern Scotland for 2 years, they're still holding a grudge against us from the battle of Cullodan hundreds of years ago!

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotSmall
    I lived in northern Scotland for 2 years, they're still holding a grudge against us from the battle of Cullodan hundreds of years ago!
    yup thats the sweaty's for ya!!

  26. #26
    NotSmall is offline English Rudeboy
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    Quote Originally Posted by heavyrotation92
    i was about to say.... being from the UK is not a race. it's a nationality.
    So what is the descriptive term for discrimination/prejudice on the grounds of nationality?

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by heavyrotation92
    Everything Chuck related is for humor purposes only. Thats the only reason i posted it, humor........funny...........you know "ha ha".
    I don't know if its because you're from the UK, but get a sense of humor, after all you're in the lounge.
    dont mess with booz, he will come round and sit on you....

  28. #28
    RA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heavyrotation92
    Everything Chuck related is for humor purposes only. Thats the only reason i posted it, humor........funny...........you know "ha ha".
    I don't know if its because you're from the UK, but get a sense of humor, after all you're in the lounge.
    The Chuck shyt is getting old. We keep hearing about this semi-actor from a handful of members.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by S.P.G
    dont mess with booz, he will come round and sit on you....
    easy tiger!!!

  30. #30
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    dont mess with the brits bitch, or ull suffer death by roundhouse! Also u missed out:
    fact 31 - Chuck is a lil pussy homo who loves incest with his equally pussy and homo brother heavyrotation92

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by JamesC
    dont mess with the brits bitch, or ull suffer death by roundhouse! Also u missed out:
    fact 31 - Chuck is a lil pussy homo who loves incest with his equally pussy and homo brother heavyrotation92
    hows that for humour!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by JamesC
    dont mess with the brits bitch, or ull suffer death by roundhouse! Also u missed out:
    fact 31 - Chuck is a lil pussy homo who loves incest with his equally pussy and homo brother heavyrotation92
    Do I even need to make a comeback for that? YOU HAVE NAUGHTY BY NATURE AS YOUR AVATAR!!!! Nuff said.

  33. #33
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    i read those chuck norris facts and i almost pissed myself laughing

    i have never seen any chuck norris related shit other than this though

    and by the way english people have the best humour in the world (ok that maybe just my biased opinion but i seriously believe it)

    those chuck norris facts were EXACTLY british humour

  34. #34
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    here's some about Vin Diesel

    VIN DIESEL
    >
    > Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
    > needs to lie the f*ck down.
    >
    > If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later
    > you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.
    > When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied, "Because Grammy's are
    > for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his
    > response.
    >
    > When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The
    > water gets Vin instead.
    >
    > Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with
    > lactose's sh*t.
    >
    > It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make
    > him destroy an orphanage.
    >
    > Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
    >
    > In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World
    > Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and
    > that those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever
    > come to matching him.
    >
    > Vin Diesel has secretly been every Pope the last 350 years, with the
    > exception of Pope John Paul II (who was actually John Cusack).
    >
    > The Turkish hate Vin Diesel. Why? Because Vin Diesel killed over 1.5
    > Million Armenians on April 24th, 1915. He later blamed it on the
    > Turkish Ottoman Empire who to this day get accused of this crime as
    > Vin Diesel sits back and laughs at the Armenians.
    >
    > God created Vin Diesel before Adam, but had to ask Vin to leave
    > because instead of naming the animals in the Garden he devoured their
    > bodies and souls.
    >
    > There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel
    > allows to live.
    >
    > Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He

    > found himself stumped on the last page of 'Where's Waldo Now?' Not
    > being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down
    > and screamed, "This is BULLSH*T!" They're all wearing shoes." He then
    > proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO

    > ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it
    > from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The
    > incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
    >
    > Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
    >
    > Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her
    > carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local
    > children's hospital.
    >
    > Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
    >
    > When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin
    > Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the
    > third girl he had slept with.
    >
    > Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
    >
    > If you rearrange the letters in 'Vin Diesel' it reveals his credo: "I
    > End Lives."
    >
    > When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
    > instead requests a handgun and a bucket.
    >
    > In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use

    > to kill you, including the room itself.
    >
    > Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
    >
    > Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his
    > Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his
    > "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
    >
    > Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
    > tennis.
    >
    > Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
    >
    > There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. F*ck you,
    > team.
    >
    > When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
    >
    > Vin Diesel cannot be killed by man of woman born.
    >
    > When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
    > pushing the Earth down.

  35. #35
    NotSmall is offline English Rudeboy
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    I heard a rumour that Vin Diesel is gay and I know for an absolute fact that he can't act worth a shite.

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