I think I have the McRuns.
Damb him, and all his delicious fatty foods. I forgot my lunch today, and the only place close by to work is a McDicks. So I'm standing in line, thinking about what to order... "Maybe a grilled chicken burger... those don't look that gross. I Guess I could pick off the shit on the outside of those chick strips. Or maybe I'll just get a salad and wait untill I'm done work..."
I waited, and waited, and then waited some more. Eventually the line-up subsides, and I'm next. All of the sudden... BANG! My brain explodes and I forget everything. I order a BigMac meal... and I even get it SUPERSIZED. Large coke... Hell Yeah! I can hear myself ordering it, but have no control.
I pay for my order, and walk dazed to my car. Bag still unopen, I'm too shocked at myself to look at what I bought. I drive back to work, and make my way back to my desk. I can hear my stomach grumbling from being empty. So I shamefully eat the meal. I can feel the fatty fries lubricating my stomach, waiting for the burger. I open the container, and pick up the burger. It's smaller than I remember. So I take a bite. MMM... It takes so good. I quickly devour that delicious burger, and wash it down with the coke.
Now, an hour later it hits me. My stomach grumbles. GRRRRM (sound from my tummy.) I start to feel HOT. Not sexy hot, but uncomfortably warm hot. My shirt feels tight. I need to take off my tie, and unbutton the top two buttons. I'm still sweating. Somethings not right. I start to panic. My brain is starting to become mush again. "What's happening to me?" Then, I burp. But it's not one of those "Burp the Alphabet" burps... no, it's a very full "something is wrong" burps. I frantically look around my desk for anything. I notice a large coke... Hmm... that's not it. I see the Big Mac's box. It's flipped open, and under the lid there is some writing. I get alittle closer to read it. "Watch Your Fries" Uhoh! I realize that I'm about to watch my fries come back up. "GGGRRM-bubble-bubble" My stomach keeps making noise. Now it's making that "I just drank 8 protien shakes, and am going to have diahrea." I realize that I'm fighting a losing battle, and that the McDonalds food is going to be coming out one way or an other.
I make a mad-dash to the bathroom. I'm running faster than the Flash. I'm almost there when "PPFFF" Oh NO! I think I didn't make it. I sneak into a stall, and discover that it was only gas. PHEW!
Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... nothing. Nothing coming out. Now I'm getting pissed. WTF! I guess I can't go? I head back to my cubicle (after washing my hands first ofcourse) and continue on with my day.
I continue sitting here, wondering "When will that McD's come out?" I'm nervous. My stomach is still making noise, but it is calmer now. I think I'm going home early.
Either that, or I'm goint to run fast, in the oposite direction of the earth's orbit, and if I run faster than the speed of light, I would be able to go back in time and stop myself from being such a dumb-ass.
