Funny sex story?

**Superhuman** · 09-05-2006, 02:32 AM

Originally Posted by IronFreakX

Well one time we were watching a movie at my friend's house and then I thought the movie was boring so I went to his comp and found lots of porn I was 15 or 16 I think, I was so horny so I went to his bathroom, jacked off and went back to watching the movie.

Later on his sister came in the house and then she went to the bathroom and could smell my cum so she said who jacked off in the bathroom???

LOL I always got shit for it when I saw her during parties, "you're the guy that jacked off in my bathroom"

A couple of years down the road, she starred in a big movie in egypt and is famous over there.

Another one, we were in a parking lot and somehow I managed to get her on my lap in the passengers seat but she got kinda stuck and I was hard and her moving I felt like she would break my dick.

So I told her to wait a bit till it goes down but seeing her on top of me, I couldnt keep my hands off her so we kept making out and feeling each other up for close to an hour before I got a semi and then she got off

I got some more but Ill post em later...

she could smell your cum??

**IronFreakX** · 09-05-2006, 03:06 AM

Originally Posted by Superhuman

she could smell your cum??

I came in the toilet or atleast tried to, some of it as I later found out was on the floor and seat and I do remember cumming ALOT that time.

What's wierd about this??? If I walked in a room Id be able to smell cum, it has this wierd flour/bleach smell.

You know what cum is right??

**Mizfit** · 09-05-2006, 05:30 AM

Originally Posted by Superhuman

she could smell your cum??

Just like women have a smell , men do too

**carved.in.stone** · 09-05-2006, 06:45 AM

I was about 15 had gone over to see the missis on a saturday morning, her mother sent me upto her room. I walk in and shes sitting there in one of her summer dresses, she then lifts up her skirt to reveal she has no knickers on. Well that was more than enough of a invitation for me, so after a while of eating her out, she gestures me to my feet undoes the button and slides them down to my ankles. so I slide inside her(even though Im a bit worried as there is no lock on her bedroom door) so Im pounding away like fcuk with her feet over my shoulders.

Well I pull out a bit too far and on rout back in my dick dive bombs straight up her a.ss. She lets out this mighty scream pulls her knees into her chest and then kicks them out straight into my chest. Bear in mind my trousers are still around my ankles so i go down like a sack of shit and crack mt head on the door. As if sh1t could not get worse I then hear her mother scream "whats happening up there" and the sound of her running up the stairs.

Its panic stations missis pulls down her skirt and flicks the tv remote, to turn the tv on, Im struggling like to get back to my feet and pull my levi jeans back up. Well I manage it just, I turn towards the mother as she opens the door to the bedroom, to play the scream and the bang down as me and the missis fcuking about. She walks in but then stops dead in her tracks and does not say a word, all she is doing is starring at the top of my jeans. I look down to see the tip of my still errect pennis's head poking over the top of them.

This my friends was a very bad day.

**Teabagger** · 09-05-2006, 09:05 AM

At a party a buddy hooked up with this chick, they were both pretty drunk. He was pumping her doggy style and I guess from all the jarring around she got sick, and puked. He kept banging on her. The smell of her puke made him sick, and he puked on her back, kept banging till he blowed, then puked again before he could get out of there. The chick had passed out and must have woke up later with her face in puke, and puke and cum on her back.

**pumpd4lif** · 09-05-2006, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by carved.in.stone

I was about 15 had gone over to see the missis on a saturday morning, her mother sent me upto her room. I walk in and shes sitting there in one of her summer dresses, she then lifts up her skirt to reveal she has no knickers on. Well that was more than enough of a invitation for me, so after a while of eating her out, she gestures me to my feet undoes the button and slides them down to my ankles. so I slide inside her(even though Im a bit worried as there is no lock on her bedroom door) so Im pounding away like fcuk with her feet over my shoulders.

Well I pull out a bit too far and on rout back in my dick dive bombs straight up her a.ss. She lets out this mighty scream pulls her knees into her chest and then kicks them out straight into my chest. Bear in mind my trousers are still around my ankles so i go down like a sack of shit and crack mt head on the door. As if sh1t could not get worse I then hear her mother scream "whats happening up there" and the sound of her running up the stairs.

Its panic stations missis pulls down her skirt and flicks the tv remote, to turn the tv on, Im struggling like to get back to my feet and pull my levi jeans back up. Well I manage it just, I turn towards the mother as she opens the door to the bedroom, to play the scream and the bang down as me and the missis fcuking about. She walks in but then stops dead in her tracks and does not say a word, all she is doing is starring at the top of my jeans. I look down to see the tip of my still errect pennis's head poking over the top of them.

This my friends was a very bad day.

roflmfao
almost as good as mine TKO

**zimmy** · 09-05-2006, 09:53 AM

I have an apadravya... so It was the first time with this girl and we were messing around...got pretty heavy...she saw it and said "you're not touching me with that" and just like that...nothing :*(

**crash187ct** · 09-05-2006, 10:32 AM

heh, i thought i'd contribute.

so one night after a wee lil party (i didn't drink but 2 since i'm not much of a partier). me and this chick walked in my apartment and the next thing you know we're on my futon (i'm cheap). we'll she's blowin me off, and i'm sitting back saying, yeah that feels good. and i felt my stomach build up ( could have held it in ). and then ripped a massive fart in her face. we laughed for a lil bit, then things cooled off, and we're going at it again and she's on top. as she was riding me, my stomach built up again, and every time came down....i farted, this happened for 4 times, and then the mood was shot.

**spywizard** · 09-05-2006, 10:34 AM

gasX... or gaviscon... works for the gas...

**crash187ct** · 09-05-2006, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by kyjelly

I was about 11. Ya know, the young age, hormones going, and horny. I found the vacuum cleaner... and used it... it was cool until I was caught... My mom walks in the closet and flips out. I was nude in the closet with a vacuum on my dick.

Talk about feeling like shit. I never looked at a cleaning device the same ever since.

haha, awesome. i've been busted 3x for beatin my meat.

**QuieTSToRM33** · 09-05-2006, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by big daddy k de

ok wel thers this resturaunt in town called Mt Fuggie... well its on a hill and b4 dinner i banged my ex ..so i had sex on Mt Fuggie ...when i nailling her i guess she like dripped on my back seat ..left a white mark ..next day my dad goes to me "son u got a white stain on your seat what is it" ..im like ohh idk day ... so i walk out to my carr and hter he is my old man like scraching the vag juice on my seat and spraying it with cleanner ..i thought it was funny as hell

It's Mt. Fuji ..... off of 17.

**Superhuman** · 09-05-2006, 11:34 AM

I went to this party once and I was FVCKED UP! This was back in high school when me and the rest of the football team just drank and smoked like every night....

So I'm with some friends and we go to a party and as usual we pre-drank. I show up to the party after downing 3 whole Steel Reserve 40ozs (i think that's over a gallon of high-gravity beer!

) and after I get there I had about 8-9 shots. Well, as usual when I'm drunk I get really horny and I start dancing on the finest girl there. Well she's all grinding on me and making me hard and just when I thought I was gonna get some action she has to leave with her ride!

...so I'm standing there in the living room (everybody is dancing to the music @ the apartment) with a hard-on and I'm looking for another girl. Well, the only girls left are 3 morbidly obese women and their little chunky friend. i'm so drunk that I decide the little chunky friend will do so we start making out and head upstairs. We go into the bathroom together and she starts sucking me real good. I gently push her head down and she starts licking my a$$hole! (this is the first time I've ever had that done so I think it's crazy). Well she keeps going while @ the same time talking about her kids and her husband and I'm like WHAT?? and decide that i better hurry up and nut and get the hell out of there. So i'm about to cum and I let her know and she says "I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH... THAT'S SOMETHING I DON'T DO WITH STRANGERS!" I just started laughing my ass of BWAHAHAHA and said "you just licked my poophole but you won't eat my cum?!?"

...for some reason that comment upset her so she pulled away and just looked @ me but I didn't care I just kept jerking and busted all over her face like, "SURPRISE!!!". LOL. she was just sitting there - face dripping and I walked out like "cya later!"

...i used to be an a$$hole

**NOREGRETS** · 09-05-2006, 11:42 AM

That's pretty harsh! LOL

**big daddy k de** · 09-07-2006, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by QuieTSToRM33

It's Mt. Fuji ..... off of 17.

yhea the on off 17

**big daddy k de** · 09-07-2006, 03:53 PM

haha thats awsome

Originally Posted by Superhuman

I went to this party once and I was FVCKED UP! This was back in high school when me and the rest of the football team just drank and smoked like every night....

So I'm with some friends and we go to a party and as usual we pre-drank. I show up to the party after downing 3 whole Steel Reserve 40ozs (i think that's over a gallon of high-gravity beer!

) and after I get there I had about 8-9 shots. Well, as usual when I'm drunk I get really horny and I start dancing on the finest girl there. Well she's all grinding on me and making me hard and just when I thought I was gonna get some action she has to leave with her ride!

...so I'm standing there in the living room (everybody is dancing to the music @ the apartment) with a hard-on and I'm looking for another girl. Well, the only girls left are 3 morbidly obese women and their little chunky friend. i'm so drunk that I decide the little chunky friend will do so we start making out and head upstairs. We go into the bathroom together and she starts sucking me real good. I gently push her head down and she starts licking my a$$hole! (this is the first time I've ever had that done so I think it's crazy). Well she keeps going while @ the same time talking about her kids and her husband and I'm like WHAT?? and decide that i better hurry up and nut and get the hell out of there. So i'm about to cum and I let her know and she says "I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH... THAT'S SOMETHING I DON'T DO WITH STRANGERS!" I just started laughing my ass of BWAHAHAHA and said "you just licked my poophole but you won't eat my cum?!?"

...for some reason that comment upset her so she pulled away and just looked @ me but I didn't care I just kept jerking and busted all over her face like, "SURPRISE!!!". LOL. she was just sitting there - face dripping and I walked out like "cya later!"

...i used to be an a$$hole

**audis4** · 09-07-2006, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by Superhuman

I went to this party once and I was FVCKED UP! This was back in high school when me and the rest of the football team just drank and smoked like every night....

So I'm with some friends and we go to a party and as usual we pre-drank. I show up to the party after downing 3 whole Steel Reserve 40ozs (i think that's over a gallon of high-gravity beer!

) and after I get there I had about 8-9 shots. Well, as usual when I'm drunk I get really horny and I start dancing on the finest girl there. Well she's all grinding on me and making me hard and just when I thought I was gonna get some action she has to leave with her ride!

...so I'm standing there in the living room (everybody is dancing to the music @ the apartment) with a hard-on and I'm looking for another girl. Well, the only girls left are 3 morbidly obese women and their little chunky friend. i'm so drunk that I decide the little chunky friend will do so we start making out and head upstairs. We go into the bathroom together and she starts sucking me real good. I gently push her head down and she starts licking my a$$hole! (this is the first time I've ever had that done so I think it's crazy). Well she keeps going while @ the same time talking about her kids and her husband and I'm like WHAT?? and decide that i better hurry up and nut and get the hell out of there. So i'm about to cum and I let her know and she says "I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH... THAT'S SOMETHING I DON'T DO WITH STRANGERS!" I just started laughing my ass of BWAHAHAHA and said "you just licked my poophole but you won't eat my cum?!?"

...for some reason that comment upset her so she pulled away and just looked @ me but I didn't care I just kept jerking and busted all over her face like, "SURPRISE!!!". LOL. she was just sitting there - face dripping and I walked out like "cya later!"

...i used to be an a$$hole

Nice bro! you got your salad tossed.