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  1. #1
    Mizfit's Avatar
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    Talking Funny sex story?

    We have a thread devoted to the kinkiest thing u ever did.. so what is i guess your sex blurper.. i have a few but it's because im a clutze..

    I once was on top and hit my head on the head board and almost broke my nose.. my nose was black and blue for 2 weeks.. wose off i had just started a new job and had to tell everyone i had walked inot a door

  2. #2
    mrsuperpump's Avatar
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    hahaha....

  3. #3
    BOUNCER is offline Retired Vet
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    Thats not really funny.

  4. #4
    bazerk's Avatar
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    (Short Version) At a house party I put this honey on the bathroom sink. It was a pedastel sink and when we were getting into it, we snapped it in half.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by BOUNCER
    Thats not really funny.
    \
    :P

    it was an acident.. so i guess i should just change the name of the thread

  6. #6
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    Ok, I was at a freinds house and he had some girls over... I was talking to one and after getting somewhat hammered she wanted to go at it... We were on his bed and I didnt think much but after asking me if I had a condom(i did) she pulled out a jar of vas****e out of her purse. She wanted me to do her backdoor... well afterward my friend came in and said he wanted a go round... I said cool and jumped up while she asked him to put on a condom... as I was dressing he started yelling there was vasoline everywhere... As I was walking out laughing he was still yelling it is on the wall, on the headboard, and what is this??? oh, God it is all over me!!!

    I thought it was funny.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mesomorphyl
    Ok, I was at a freinds house and he had some girls over... I was talking to one and after getting somewhat hammered she wanted to go at it... We were on his bed and I didnt think much but after asking me if I had a condom(i did) she pulled out a jar of vas****e out of her purse. She wanted me to do her backdoor... well afterward my friend came in and said he wanted a go round... I said cool and jumped up while she asked him to put on a condom... as I was dressing he started yelling there was vasoline everywhere... As I was walking out laughing he was still yelling it is on the wall, on the headboard, and what is this??? oh, God it is all over me!!!

    I thought it was funny.

    I can hear your friend now....

    "And this vasoline smells like shit!!!!????"


  8. #8
    Hackamaniac's Avatar
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    nice one mizfit lol

  9. #9
    Mesomorphyl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigen12
    I can hear your friend now....

    "And this vasoline smells like shit!!!!????"

    LOL, he bitched about that for weeks... He even said something in front of his mom like " why did you need that much vasoline?". What is funnier is his mom replied " maybe because his johnson is bigger than your little birdy", I started laughing and his sister chimed in "yeah, (girls name here) said the same thing"... He stopped talking about the vasoline after that day.

  10. #10
    Flexor is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mesomorphyl
    Ok, I was at a freinds house and he had some girls over... I was talking to one and after getting somewhat hammered she wanted to go at it... We were on his bed and I didnt think much but after asking me if I had a condom(i did) she pulled out a jar of vas****e out of her purse. She wanted me to do her backdoor... well afterward my friend came in and said he wanted a go round... I said cool and jumped up while she asked him to put on a condom... as I was dressing he started yelling there was vasoline everywhere... As I was walking out laughing he was still yelling it is on the wall, on the headboard, and what is this??? oh, God it is all over me!!!

    I thought it was funny.
    I can only dream about this, oh MAN it ain't fair

  11. #11
    Flexor is offline Banned
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    I had a mate once that did this girl in her ass, and that was how he lost his virginity. She was a slut a couple of years older and she had got majorly pissed. Hahah, imagine losing your virginity in a girl's ass instead of her pussy

  12. #12
    Dave321 is offline AR's Salad Tossing Connoisseur
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flexor
    I had a mate once that did this girl in her ass, and that was how he lost his virginity. She was a slut a couple of years older and she had got majorly pissed. Hahah, imagine losing your virginity in a girl's ass instead of her pussy
    sweet deal!!!!

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    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her face as she was holding her head crying.
    LMAO

  15. #15
    BOUNCER is offline Retired Vet
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    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.
    Now THAT is seriously funny.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.
    That's priceless...way to go bro..

    Do any of the ladies on here have any good ones?

  17. #17
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    I have another... My step-sisters friend was at her reception and was hammered. Sis asked me to drive her home... I was not to exited as this girl was fat, I mean 5'3" 175lbs fat. Well on the way home she said she was hungry(go figure), she then proceded to say she did not have any money but would blow me if I bought her one. After going through the drive up, she started to grab for the bag... I held it out the window and said if you want this you will eat my cum first. 5-10 minutes later she was eating a whooper(the one from burger king this time, lol)

  18. #18
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    this didnt go far the first time

    BUMP

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.
    now that was too funny

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mesomorphyl
    I have another... My step-sisters friend was at her reception and was hammered. Sis asked me to drive her home... I was not to exited as this girl was fat, I mean 5'3" 175lbs fat. Well on the way home she said she was hungry(go figure), she then proceded to say she did not have any money but would blow me if I bought her one. After going through the drive up, she started to grab for the bag... I held it out the window and said if you want this you will eat my cum first. 5-10 minutes later she was eating a whooper(the one from burger king this time, lol)
    thats funny gotta watch putting meat in big girls mouths

  21. #21
    Mizfit's Avatar
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    u boys have to contribute

  22. #22
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    When I was 17, I was sucking this girls tits and she had some big ones and she kept pressing them into my face getting excited, so I fainted and when I was coming through she was all freaked out. (side story, when I was a kid, sometimes we would bend over and huff like dog and hold our neck till we fainted, we you come through you can see people but cant hear them at first.) yeah I know it was dumb, but I was like 12.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by goodcents
    When I was 17, I was sucking this girls tits and she had some big ones and she kept pressing them into my face getting excited, so I fainted and when I was coming through she was all freaked out. (side story, when I was a kid, sometimes we would bend over and huff like dog and hold our neck till we fainted, we you come through you can see people but cant hear them at first.) yeah I know it was dumb, but I was like 12.

  24. #24
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    I dont really have any good ones. Girl has smacked the top of her head on my truck when shes riding me..Came in a girls eye and she had red eye for like 2 days and she told everyone she has allergies ....Not really any funny ones

  25. #25
    svarturer is offline Senior Member
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    once i lost my tounge ring while sex and found it later glued to the back of the lady

  26. #26
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    I was banging my girl in the shower once. I picked her up and her back was aginst the wall and she was thrusting her hips out real hard, and one time she went too hard and it pushed me back and we both fell back through the shower curtain and I hit my head on the f'in toilet!! We laughed our asses off and proceeded to fvck on the floor

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by spound
    I was banging my girl in the shower once. I picked her up and her back was aginst the wall and she was thrusting her hips out real hard, and one time she went too hard and it pushed me back and we both fell back through the shower curtain and I hit my head on the f'in toilet!! We laughed our asses off and proceeded to fvck on the floor
    oh man ive almost slipped in the shower like a million times

  28. #28
    Superhuman's Avatar
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    these are great, lets hear some more! I have some funny ones but I'd have to think of them...

  29. #29
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    This is more of a scary sex story than a funny one but here goes. I was with my girl at the time and i was using this purple jelly butt plug in her a$$ and it accidently slipped all the way inside her butt, i got so scared i was shaking like crazy and she had no idea it was all the way in, she was like whats the matter babe.....i was like oh nothing while i was trying to get it out of her butt. After some fancy finger action i finally got it out and was like....thank god. See some butt plugs are better than others and this one happen to have a small end on it wich allowed it to slip in by accident. I NEVER used that one again thats for sure!!

  30. #30
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    i was fvckin a hooters girl last week and i was bangin her so hard on my bed that my headboard broke and fell on top of her - hitting her in the head. she got pissed @ me for laughing but I just pulled out and painted her face

  31. #31
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    my ex and I decided to do anal one night with her on top for a change (usually we did anal doggy-style) so after about 2 mins of going @ it she stopped an jumped up as she got poo on my dick. I looked away and made her clean it up and that was fvckin nasty. will never do anal with the girl on top again

  32. #32
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    i had one girl try to deepthroat me (no girl has been able to yet ) and she puked on my dick... i had her clean it up and then keep going

  33. #33
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    u bastard

  34. #34
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    ummm..... my first threesome was with these 2 hot puerto-rican chicks from the club last year and I was so excited that I came in like 5 min

    luckily I had been with one of the girls a few times before and she knew i could put it down real well

  35. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by STYLE74
    This is more of a scary sex story than a funny one but here goes. I was with my girl at the time and i was using this purple jelly butt plug in her a$$ and it accidently slipped all the way inside her butt, i got so scared i was shaking like crazy and she had no idea it was all the way in, she was like whats the matter babe.....i was like oh nothing while i was trying to get it out of her butt. After some fancy finger action i finally got it out and was like....thank god. See some butt plugs are better than others and this one happen to have a small end on it wich allowed it to slip in by accident. I NEVER used that one again thats for sure!!
    damn, i wonder if it could actually get stuck up there or if it would naturally just get squeezed out

  36. #36
    Superhuman's Avatar
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    when i was younger my father walked in on me and my ex (we were makin on the couch in the living room), but we had a blanket over us - so we just sat there with my penis inside her for like 30min before he finally left and we could put our clothes back on and move

  37. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superhuman
    damn, i wonder if it could actually get stuck up there or if it would naturally just get squeezed out

    Yes things cen get stuck and they will have to get it removed from a doc.

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superhuman
    when i was younger my father walked in on me and my ex (we were makin on the couch in the living room), but we had a blanket over us - so we just sat there with my penis inside her for like 30min before he finally left and we could put our clothes back on and move
    thats happened to me before. Last year I was on top of my girl on my lil ass twin bed and my roommate came in..my dick still inside her and I acted like I was asleep.. Andd..once her sister was talkin to her and there was a blanket over her and while she was talkin to her i was still goin kinna slow she never knew

  39. #39
    svarturer is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superhuman
    i had one girl try to deepthroat me (no girl has been able to yet ) and she puked on my dick... i had her clean it up and then keep going

    ahahahahahaha THAT IS AWSOME!!!

  40. #40
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    Some guys like to have girls puke on them.....it's some kind of fetish guys have.

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