Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 97
  1. #1
    Mizfit's Avatar
    Mizfit is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Toronto Canada
    Posts
    8,867

    Talking Funny sex story?

    We have a thread devoted to the kinkiest thing u ever did.. so what is i guess your sex blurper.. i have a few but it's because im a clutze..

    I once was on top and hit my head on the head board and almost broke my nose.. my nose was black and blue for 2 weeks.. wose off i had just started a new job and had to tell everyone i had walked inot a door

  2. #2
    mrsuperpump's Avatar
    mrsuperpump is offline Associate Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    on the block in T dot
    Posts
    173
    hahaha....

  3. #3
    BOUNCER is offline Retired Vet
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    IRELAND.
    Posts
    4,185
    Thats not really funny.

  4. #4
    bazerk's Avatar
    bazerk is offline Associate Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    290
    (Short Version) At a house party I put this honey on the bathroom sink. It was a pedastel sink and when we were getting into it, we snapped it in half.

  5. #5
    Mizfit's Avatar
    Mizfit is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Toronto Canada
    Posts
    8,867
    Quote Originally Posted by BOUNCER
    Thats not really funny.
    \
    :P

    it was an acident.. so i guess i should just change the name of the thread

  6. #6
    Mesomorphyl's Avatar
    Mesomorphyl is offline Smart Ass Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Pissing on saluu
    Posts
    5,415
    Ok, I was at a freinds house and he had some girls over... I was talking to one and after getting somewhat hammered she wanted to go at it... We were on his bed and I didnt think much but after asking me if I had a condom(i did) she pulled out a jar of vas****e out of her purse. She wanted me to do her backdoor... well afterward my friend came in and said he wanted a go round... I said cool and jumped up while she asked him to put on a condom... as I was dressing he started yelling there was vasoline everywhere... As I was walking out laughing he was still yelling it is on the wall, on the headboard, and what is this??? oh, God it is all over me!!!

    I thought it was funny.

  7. #7
    Bigen12's Avatar
    Bigen12 is offline AR-Hall of Famer
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,856
    Quote Originally Posted by Mesomorphyl
    Ok, I was at a freinds house and he had some girls over... I was talking to one and after getting somewhat hammered she wanted to go at it... We were on his bed and I didnt think much but after asking me if I had a condom(i did) she pulled out a jar of vas****e out of her purse. She wanted me to do her backdoor... well afterward my friend came in and said he wanted a go round... I said cool and jumped up while she asked him to put on a condom... as I was dressing he started yelling there was vasoline everywhere... As I was walking out laughing he was still yelling it is on the wall, on the headboard, and what is this??? oh, God it is all over me!!!

    I thought it was funny.

    I can hear your friend now....

    "And this vasoline smells like shit!!!!????"


  8. #8
    Hackamaniac's Avatar
    Hackamaniac is offline King Without a Crown ~
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Show Me State
    Posts
    6,731
    nice one mizfit lol

  9. #9
    Mesomorphyl's Avatar
    Mesomorphyl is offline Smart Ass Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Pissing on saluu
    Posts
    5,415
    Quote Originally Posted by Bigen12
    I can hear your friend now....

    "And this vasoline smells like shit!!!!????"

    LOL, he bitched about that for weeks... He even said something in front of his mom like " why did you need that much vasoline?". What is funnier is his mom replied " maybe because his johnson is bigger than your little birdy", I started laughing and his sister chimed in "yeah, (girls name here) said the same thing"... He stopped talking about the vasoline after that day.

  10. #10
    Flexor is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    L'Inghilterra
    Posts
    1,611
    Quote Originally Posted by Mesomorphyl
    Ok, I was at a freinds house and he had some girls over... I was talking to one and after getting somewhat hammered she wanted to go at it... We were on his bed and I didnt think much but after asking me if I had a condom(i did) she pulled out a jar of vas****e out of her purse. She wanted me to do her backdoor... well afterward my friend came in and said he wanted a go round... I said cool and jumped up while she asked him to put on a condom... as I was dressing he started yelling there was vasoline everywhere... As I was walking out laughing he was still yelling it is on the wall, on the headboard, and what is this??? oh, God it is all over me!!!

    I thought it was funny.
    I can only dream about this, oh MAN it ain't fair

  11. #11
    Flexor is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    L'Inghilterra
    Posts
    1,611
    I had a mate once that did this girl in her ass, and that was how he lost his virginity. She was a slut a couple of years older and she had got majorly pissed. Hahah, imagine losing your virginity in a girl's ass instead of her pussy

  12. #12
    Dave321 is offline AR's Salad Tossing Connoisseur
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    4,589
    Quote Originally Posted by Flexor
    I had a mate once that did this girl in her ass, and that was how he lost his virginity. She was a slut a couple of years older and she had got majorly pissed. Hahah, imagine losing your virginity in a girl's ass instead of her pussy
    sweet deal!!!!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    the gym
    Posts
    4,145
    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.

  14. #14
    Mesomorphyl's Avatar
    Mesomorphyl is offline Smart Ass Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Pissing on saluu
    Posts
    5,415
    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her face as she was holding her head crying.
    LMAO

  15. #15
    BOUNCER is offline Retired Vet
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    IRELAND.
    Posts
    4,185
    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.
    Now THAT is seriously funny.

  16. #16
    NYGIANTS21's Avatar
    NYGIANTS21 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Some Fort out there...
    Posts
    1,056
    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.
    That's priceless...way to go bro..

    Do any of the ladies on here have any good ones?

  17. #17
    Mesomorphyl's Avatar
    Mesomorphyl is offline Smart Ass Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Pissing on saluu
    Posts
    5,415
    I have another... My step-sisters friend was at her reception and was hammered. Sis asked me to drive her home... I was not to exited as this girl was fat, I mean 5'3" 175lbs fat. Well on the way home she said she was hungry(go figure), she then proceded to say she did not have any money but would blow me if I bought her one. After going through the drive up, she started to grab for the bag... I held it out the window and said if you want this you will eat my cum first. 5-10 minutes later she was eating a whooper(the one from burger king this time, lol)

  18. #18
    Mizfit's Avatar
    Mizfit is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Toronto Canada
    Posts
    8,867
    this didnt go far the first time

    BUMP

  19. #19
    manc's Avatar
    manc is offline Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    uk..manchester
    Posts
    743
    Quote Originally Posted by stayinstacked
    I had a chickriding me in the car one time, nailed her head on the opening of my moonroof. But this one tops them all. I had this hot little thing that used to be a dancer, only weighed maybe a buck five or te, real petite. She was riding me on my bed and I was about to bow, no rubber. So I told her to get off me, she didnt hear me or something, so I had threw her off really quick before I came, but I guess I didnt realize my own strength and threw her off the bed. Actually she bounced one time then fell backwards and wacked the back of her head. I jumped up really quick so I could blow it on her, and I was nailing this chick in the face as she was holding her head crying.
    now that was too funny

  20. #20
    auslifta's Avatar
    auslifta is offline Retired MONITOR
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    flying from the ashes
    Posts
    3,966
    Quote Originally Posted by Mesomorphyl
    I have another... My step-sisters friend was at her reception and was hammered. Sis asked me to drive her home... I was not to exited as this girl was fat, I mean 5'3" 175lbs fat. Well on the way home she said she was hungry(go figure), she then proceded to say she did not have any money but would blow me if I bought her one. After going through the drive up, she started to grab for the bag... I held it out the window and said if you want this you will eat my cum first. 5-10 minutes later she was eating a whooper(the one from burger king this time, lol)
    thats funny gotta watch putting meat in big girls mouths

  21. #21
    Mizfit's Avatar
    Mizfit is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Toronto Canada
    Posts
    8,867
    u boys have to contribute

  22. #22
    goodcents's Avatar
    goodcents is offline "body piercing & body jewelry expert"
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Playing w/ tits
    Posts
    5,742
    When I was 17, I was sucking this girls tits and she had some big ones and she kept pressing them into my face getting excited, so I fainted and when I was coming through she was all freaked out. (side story, when I was a kid, sometimes we would bend over and huff like dog and hold our neck till we fainted, we you come through you can see people but cant hear them at first.) yeah I know it was dumb, but I was like 12.

  23. #23
    manc's Avatar
    manc is offline Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    uk..manchester
    Posts
    743
    Quote Originally Posted by goodcents
    When I was 17, I was sucking this girls tits and she had some big ones and she kept pressing them into my face getting excited, so I fainted and when I was coming through she was all freaked out. (side story, when I was a kid, sometimes we would bend over and huff like dog and hold our neck till we fainted, we you come through you can see people but cant hear them at first.) yeah I know it was dumb, but I was like 12.

  24. #24
    chest6's Avatar
    chest6 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    23,317
    I dont really have any good ones. Girl has smacked the top of her head on my truck when shes riding me..Came in a girls eye and she had red eye for like 2 days and she told everyone she has allergies ....Not really any funny ones

  25. #25
    svarturer is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    1,063
    once i lost my tounge ring while sex and found it later glued to the back of the lady

  26. #26
    spound's Avatar
    spound is offline Anabolic Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Georgia and Texas
    Posts
    2,116
    I was banging my girl in the shower once. I picked her up and her back was aginst the wall and she was thrusting her hips out real hard, and one time she went too hard and it pushed me back and we both fell back through the shower curtain and I hit my head on the f'in toilet!! We laughed our asses off and proceeded to fvck on the floor

  27. #27
    chest6's Avatar
    chest6 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    23,317
    Quote Originally Posted by spound
    I was banging my girl in the shower once. I picked her up and her back was aginst the wall and she was thrusting her hips out real hard, and one time she went too hard and it pushed me back and we both fell back through the shower curtain and I hit my head on the f'in toilet!! We laughed our asses off and proceeded to fvck on the floor
    oh man ive almost slipped in the shower like a million times

  28. #28
    Superhuman's Avatar
    Superhuman is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,762
    these are great, lets hear some more! I have some funny ones but I'd have to think of them...

  29. #29
    STYLE74's Avatar
    STYLE74 is offline Got Style?
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Queens BITCH!!!!!!!!!!
    Posts
    5,158
    This is more of a scary sex story than a funny one but here goes. I was with my girl at the time and i was using this purple jelly butt plug in her a$$ and it accidently slipped all the way inside her butt, i got so scared i was shaking like crazy and she had no idea it was all the way in, she was like whats the matter babe.....i was like oh nothing while i was trying to get it out of her butt. After some fancy finger action i finally got it out and was like....thank god. See some butt plugs are better than others and this one happen to have a small end on it wich allowed it to slip in by accident. I NEVER used that one again thats for sure!!

  30. #30
    Superhuman's Avatar
    Superhuman is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,762
    i was fvckin a hooters girl last week and i was bangin her so hard on my bed that my headboard broke and fell on top of her - hitting her in the head. she got pissed @ me for laughing but I just pulled out and painted her face

  31. #31
    Superhuman's Avatar
    Superhuman is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,762
    my ex and I decided to do anal one night with her on top for a change (usually we did anal doggy-style) so after about 2 mins of going @ it she stopped an jumped up as she got poo on my dick. I looked away and made her clean it up and that was fvckin nasty. will never do anal with the girl on top again

  32. #32
    Superhuman's Avatar
    Superhuman is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,762
    i had one girl try to deepthroat me (no girl has been able to yet ) and she puked on my dick... i had her clean it up and then keep going

  33. #33
    chest6's Avatar
    chest6 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    23,317
    u bastard

  34. #34
    Superhuman's Avatar
    Superhuman is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,762
    ummm..... my first threesome was with these 2 hot puerto-rican chicks from the club last year and I was so excited that I came in like 5 min

    luckily I had been with one of the girls a few times before and she knew i could put it down real well

  35. #35
    Superhuman's Avatar
    Superhuman is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,762
    Quote Originally Posted by STYLE74
    This is more of a scary sex story than a funny one but here goes. I was with my girl at the time and i was using this purple jelly butt plug in her a$$ and it accidently slipped all the way inside her butt, i got so scared i was shaking like crazy and she had no idea it was all the way in, she was like whats the matter babe.....i was like oh nothing while i was trying to get it out of her butt. After some fancy finger action i finally got it out and was like....thank god. See some butt plugs are better than others and this one happen to have a small end on it wich allowed it to slip in by accident. I NEVER used that one again thats for sure!!
    damn, i wonder if it could actually get stuck up there or if it would naturally just get squeezed out

  36. #36
    Superhuman's Avatar
    Superhuman is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,762
    when i was younger my father walked in on me and my ex (we were makin on the couch in the living room), but we had a blanket over us - so we just sat there with my penis inside her for like 30min before he finally left and we could put our clothes back on and move

  37. #37
    G-1000's Avatar
    G-1000 is offline Cycle King/AR-Hall of Famer/RETIRED
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    14,421
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by Superhuman
    damn, i wonder if it could actually get stuck up there or if it would naturally just get squeezed out

    Yes things cen get stuck and they will have to get it removed from a doc.

  38. #38
    chest6's Avatar
    chest6 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    23,317
    Quote Originally Posted by Superhuman
    when i was younger my father walked in on me and my ex (we were makin on the couch in the living room), but we had a blanket over us - so we just sat there with my penis inside her for like 30min before he finally left and we could put our clothes back on and move
    thats happened to me before. Last year I was on top of my girl on my lil ass twin bed and my roommate came in..my dick still inside her and I acted like I was asleep.. Andd..once her sister was talkin to her and there was a blanket over her and while she was talkin to her i was still goin kinna slow she never knew

  39. #39
    svarturer is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    1,063
    Quote Originally Posted by Superhuman
    i had one girl try to deepthroat me (no girl has been able to yet ) and she puked on my dick... i had her clean it up and then keep going

    ahahahahahaha THAT IS AWSOME!!!

  40. #40
    STYLE74's Avatar
    STYLE74 is offline Got Style?
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Queens BITCH!!!!!!!!!!
    Posts
    5,158
    Some guys like to have girls puke on them.....it's some kind of fetish guys have.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •