Thread: Some advice needed :)
12-27-2005, 01:18 PM #1Anabolic Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2001
Some advice needed :)
Always get some good answers here,
Iíve been with my girlfriend for about 4 years now, we live together, have a great relationship and it is just a matter of time before we are married. It is not toughly discussed or anything, or planned but both of us have the intentions that we will be together for the haul. Weíve done our finances together for a few years now, as long as we have lived together.
That seems to be the basic problem.
She is a server in a restaurant, brings home good money but is unsure what she wants to do. She is thinking of getting into cosmetics, but has really failed to push off to peruse her dreams. She is only 22, so I try to let her just find her way.
Iíve been buying/selling/investing in property (mostly rentals) for the last 3 years. I do great as far as building equity but despite what everyone things Iím not rolling in the dough. I do have some money left after all the payments are made from that and I work a full time and part time job. My pay is about 50% higher than hers.
The problem really is not money though. Its who pays the bills, keeps the books. I always try to get her to partner up with me on houses, and already am putting a house in her name. Problem is I canít depend on her to do any of the books or even balance the check book. Basically Iím left with all the financial burden, from budgeting, planning for retirement and putting food on the table. I basicly make a living off my credit score and the 4 months I let her do the bills she did not pay one of my credit card bills for 60 days. End result? My credit score dropped by almost 200 pts and I could not get a line of credit to finish my latest project. I did not even find out until the bank told me after applying for the line of credit.
I love this girl, but she just lacks so much responsibility and ambition. I donít expect her to carry the same enthusiasm as I do about everything, but I also do not expect to give her a free ride. I plan on being retired in my 30ís, but I donít want to really do that with someone on my back.
Donít get me wrong, if I was 37 financially set and I felt the same way but just met her recently, I would have no problems.
Really though Iím looking to build a life with her, not build one for myself and carry someone along.
I donít know what I can do, Iíve tried helping her and I donít think I could be any more encouraging. This message is the last resort before counseling, lol
12-27-2005, 01:27 PM #2
You definately need to sit down and talk to her about it. Let her know about not paying the bills, and how it affected you. If she really cars about you, she will understand that her actions are affecting both your futures. At 22 though, it is quite hard to be mature, especially since she does not have a set goal. Personally I would do the counceling. It will allow you to express your feelings without pressuring her, and she might have something to say aswell. Maybe she feels pressured?
12-27-2005, 01:33 PM #3Anabolic Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2001
Your probably right bro,
I can imagine she feels some pressure, but I don't place that w/ intentions. My energy and ambition is at the roof or to it at least, her family praises me for it and I imagine that might make her feel small next to me.
But then again, I'm not asking a lot, just to enter some numbers in quicken, deposite money and write 12-15 checks a month.
Of course, if she could plan out a career that would be nice, but I have never asked her that, or expect it. It can't be forced and has to just come i guess, some sooner than others. 22 is young, but its not that young that you can be a free spirt until your 30 and 30 comes fast.
Just hope I can find good counceling
12-27-2005, 01:44 PM #4
1.Not to sound like meddling into your affairs but I would be wary of putting equity or assets under her name. Id rather put all liabilities under her name. I just heard of to many horror stories. Helping to build her credit and assets is fine, IMO. Taking legal responsibility is not, IMO.
2. Ive head similar problems getting my GFs and sister to have similar ambitions as me, as far as career and finances wise. Over time Ive learned theres only so much I can encourage and support, the rest is upto themselves. Also in a relation you must know everyone has there strong points snd weak points. Most of the girls Ive been with are weak in Math and have trouble calculating 10% of 120$. Therefor I take over finances and leave them to cleaning the house, ironing clothes, etc. As you have stated when you, again took responsibilty, it cost you. You must set up a plan, how much is shared and how much is independant of your and her salaries. You have somewhat the upper hand due to a higher income. Again helping is fine, giving a free ride is not, IMO. i say this and stress the importance because in 5 years you never know where youll be. Dont want to many things legally in her name. After all shes just 22, I was that age just a few years ago and even I admit I was still soul searching, unstable and unsure. She might need some more time to settle in. Albeit, eventually sometimes indivduals need to be dragged into making decisions rather then sollicitated.
12-27-2005, 01:48 PM #5Originally Posted by Prada
You need to come out of the clouds and think about this...if you are married..then i understand but not being married and doing something like that is scary.
12-27-2005, 01:52 PM #6
Get rid of her.
Dont take any sort of legal responsibility with this girl, do what prada said in #1......its perfect advice
Last edited by USfighterFC; 12-27-2005 at 01:55 PM.
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