Steroids screwed me over...need some help.

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 06:36 AM

What a mistake I made by trying this shit. I'm normally a super happy, confident person, no many worries at all. That was about 7 weeks ago, having a great time in the gym, in love with my live in girlfriend, talking about marriage, kids...all that...

Fast forward to now, I'm home with my parents, don't know if I'm coming or going, I left her, don't know why, she doesn't know why, I'm beyond depressed. I have to go see or talk to somone, my life has been turned totaly upside down and I totally blame it on the gear.

I was taking 500mgs test, and 300mgs deca , I stopped deca a week ago, and then I just did my last shot of the test yesterday just so I can get off this stuff.

My biggest worry was acne or gyno, I didn't think it would have this effect on my head and my heart...I'm so depressed, I don't want to train, or work, I didn't even bother to brush my teeth last night....I have no interest in anything...

Can anyone help me at all....I really need some advice on this...I do not know what to do with myself...

Thanks in advance...

**Kale** · 01-03-2006, 06:45 AM

Sorry to hear this bro, its extremly unusual for this to happen, I certainly havnt seen anything like this in the years I have been dabling in gear, usually during PCT you can get depressed due to a lack of Test until your natural system restarts. You were on a good dose of Test and you should have been jumping out of your skin. I definitly recommend you do PCT to make sure your system restarts. Do you have plans to do PCT ?

**Bigpup101** · 01-03-2006, 06:48 AM

i reacted the total opposite bro...you sure the test was good? b/c this sounds like something that might happen if you ran deca alone

**damiongage** · 01-03-2006, 06:48 AM

I am no doctor, but it is unlikely that the gear did all of that. 1st thing you need to do is get some physcological help. There is some issues here that you need to discucss with simeone, perferably a proffessional.

**Mizfit** · 01-03-2006, 06:58 AM

sometimes it's a coincidence..anyhow it might just be eiaser to blame the gear than to blame circumstance

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 07:00 AM

I'm doing PCT for sure, I'm just waiting for the right time to start clomid, and I was taking nolva the entire time. I know a guy who this exact same thing happened to....and he thought it was the gear as well....

I'm no doctor either, but you have to know me...people always tell me how jealous they are of me, being so happy and having so much going for me. I'm never down, always up, always bettering myself, always laughing...then I take this shit, and bam...5 weeks in I'm depressed, leaving my girl friend, can't think, can't sleep...or eat...totally 180 degress away from teh person I was...

I really wish I have never touched this shit...

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 07:03 AM

There is nothing else to blame though...you have to realise that, nothing happened, nothing changed...just me.

I tore my girls heart apart....and I don't even know why. I had everything going for me...and now Im at home in my moms house, in a tiny room, and I feel worthless....

Thanks for this guys...

**MASTER** · 01-03-2006, 07:42 AM

sorry to hear that bro, its just how it goes for some people, your messing around with your hormones at the end of the day which can cause all sorts of problems, this just reiterates the fact that gear affects everyone differently!

**Benches505** · 01-03-2006, 07:53 AM

Call up the girl and patch things up. You will need some stability going into PCT or all hell might break loose!

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 08:00 AM

I'm not sure I can do back...I'm not sure I want to...but I'm not sure I don't want to....

Man, I'm going to be really messed up in PCT eh? What can I do to help this, I have to go see a doc....are they going to put me on meds that will mess with my mind and PCT even more or what?

Gear does effect everyone differently, and honestly, it is the worst thing I have ever done, I mean, for some people it is great...but wow....I can't believe what is happening to my life right now...I have no interest in anything.

**Benches505** · 01-03-2006, 08:03 AM

Get on some anti depressants if need be. I still think you will need the girl for PCT..Trust me on this.

**BOUNCER** · 01-03-2006, 08:21 AM

I'm really sorry to hear this has happened to you. I can understand it completely as I went through pretty much the same shit as you are now. Infact I'm off steroids now almost four years, and I'm moderating on a steroid board and can't touch the steroid questions forum!!.

I'd love to go back on, I miss the gains and how confident I'm feeling while I'm on. But this year is going to be a make or break year for me in terms of family relationships, work etc and I'm afraid going back on will bring up the same problems I experienced in the past.

Luckily for me I found two guys in the gym who went through the same shit and we speak about it regularly. I think finding someone like this is just as important as speaking to a professional (who most likely hasn't a clue about steroids and their effects).

Please feel free to PM me and I can give you my email address to chat. If your girlfriend is understanding you can get through this. But in the meantime its very important you continue on with the PCT.

I'll leave things here as there's more to talk about privately I'm sure. Shoot me that PM if you want to talk to someone who's been there.

-Bouncer

**Bigpup101** · 01-03-2006, 08:29 AM

bro, you said this is your first cycle, but i just read some of your past threads and you have said you have run winny before and felt depressed...then you asked someone if they ever got depressed while they were running the same cycle as you AND THAT WAS BEFORE YOU EVEN STARTED THIS CYCLE! I think you set yourself up to feel shytty, there's more than meets the eye here

**Bigpup101** · 01-03-2006, 08:34 AM

update.. finished 7th week of a 15 week cycle ...the thread i was reffering to

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 08:46 AM

I never thought about the winny caps as a cycle...but yeah, I'm not hiding that.

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 08:50 AM

When I said feel like shit, with teh winny...I meant sick...like flu like...could not get out of bed and go to work sick...

I have never been down like this before.

**stayinstacked** · 01-03-2006, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by Dubsta

When I said feel like shit, with teh winny...I meant sick...like flu like...could not get out of bed and go to work sick...

I have never been down like this before.

I suggest staying away from any gear altogether. It's hard to believe that just these 2 compounds on those beginner dosages could **** with a person that bad.

**Bigpup101** · 01-03-2006, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by Dubsta

When I said feel like shit, with teh winny...I meant sick...like flu like...could not get out of bed and go to work sick...

I have never been down like this before.

you also posted a thread where you were in week 5 (that was two weeks ago) and you said you felt good, maybe a little more angry than usual but overall good..so all this happened in two weeks? you go on to say that the first test you recieved was bad and you thought it might be fake..i'm not trying to give you the third degree but maybe the problem isnt the gear

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 09:04 AM

It is true man, I willl never do anything like this again...but now I have to get through this...and it is really hard...

**Theatrix** · 01-03-2006, 09:08 AM

I feel for you, bro! I went through similar shit my first cycle, but you make it through. If you do some research on serotonin and AAs's, you will find some interesting reading. The reduction of serotonin will certainly cause depression to a degree. You may counterbalance this as someone mentioned above by taking a SSRI like Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac, Wellbutron and so on. I beleive you can achieve your goals with AAS's and fight off drepession with SSRI's. Some people are just more suseptable to serotonin drop off which removes that sense of well being. It's difficult to understand unless you have been there. Hang in there!

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 09:13 AM

I know you are not man...but how would this happen all of a sudden...I have tried to figure out the problem...and it all seems to be coming from the gear.

I can understand some people will defend it, that's totally fine. But remember it can effect some people a lot different than others...and I honestly think that is really facked with my head...it has changed me a lot...

I do appreciate your opinion though...and I respect it.

**SwoleCat** · 01-03-2006, 09:27 AM

What is your age?

~SC~

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 09:32 AM

Theatrix thanks a lot man, I'm glad somone else understands....this has been the hardest time of my life ever...I'm heading to see my doc on Thursday Am, and hopefully he will send me in the right direction....

I'm 27 this Friday.

**SwoleCat** · 01-03-2006, 09:34 AM

I don't understand the deal with this and how that could make you act/change like this, but good luck to you in the future.

I think it's safe to say that AAS are not for you. So, in the future, don't dabble in this anymore and you'll be far better off.

~SC~

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 09:38 AM

Swole, there is no doubt in my mind that you are right. There is no way they can act the same for everyone...and there are a few people out there that this has happened to....so it is not just me...

It is just weird man, I started to notice my feelings for things changing, not wanting to be in the gym, no appetite, totally screwed up things with my girl....I'm just in such a weird state...and a total yo-yo....one minute I think one thing, the next, totally different...last night I was sure I should be apart from my girl, today I want her back..and I know tomorrow I wont.

I can be playing with people like I am...I don't have two clues what to do...

**AnabolicAndre** · 01-03-2006, 09:42 AM

When you go to the doc you shoud not hide anything from him. If im not mistaken hormones and MAOI drugs dont mix! In order for him to persrcibe the right med and at the right does He needs to know the situatio your are in.

good luck to you.

**decadbal** · 01-03-2006, 11:44 AM

the stuff is like drinking, if you act a fool, then use enough self control to drop it

**tryingtogetbig** · 01-03-2006, 11:44 AM

There are many risks associated with AAS use. Ultimately, it is your decision, your body. You are the only one responsible for your body and what you put into it. Sorry to hear it happened, but when you said "Thanks for this guys" in your other post, it sounded like you are trying to blame somebody else other than yourself. That might be a good place to start getting things back together again.

peace,

ttgb

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 11:50 AM

No dude...I'm saying thanks for helping.....as in thanks for the replies so I can try to figure this stuff out man...I was being sincere....I mean that...

I'm not blaming anyone on here, are you nuts? I made the choice, no one on here made it for me...

**tryingtogetbig** · 01-03-2006, 11:56 AM

okay...thanks for explaining. Hope you find what you need.

peace,

ttgb

**USfighterFC** · 01-03-2006, 12:07 PM

I'm a total nutcase on roids and I'm not talking about anger wise....i'm an emotional basketcase who gets happy and extremely depressed. I try to stay away from steroids but I do love being in the gym with them. I do infrequent cycles and am careful of the situations around me as they can tip the balance of my mood. I suggest you stay away from steroids. You'll get over your mood swings, just hang in there. Trust me I was A LOT worse off than you and bouncer will even vouch for that since he heard a lot of my bitching a year ago.

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 12:44 PM

Really.....shit...I hope when I start PCT I won't get much worse....but I know I have to do it....

Remember this is only week 7 of the cycle, I ended it at week 7. What can I do to prevent getting worse...the situation I'm in with the girl is not going to change...and my X from before her is talking to me now and she wants to get back together, and I really don't know how I feel about anything...Im like a yo-yo....

**mark956101957** · 01-03-2006, 01:05 PM

I have had some bad bouts with depression AFTER my cycles and never during. I do understand from that standpoint that steriods can definitely leave you with bad depressions. I suggest going to your doctor and getting on anti-depressants. Lexapro has worked very well for me. And try and finish up with PCT. Good luck...

**mark956101957** · 01-03-2006, 01:05 PM

I have had some bad bouts with depression AFTER my cycles and never during. I do understand from that standpoint that steriods can definitely leave you with bad depressions. I suggest going to your doctor and getting on anti-depressants. Lexapro has worked very well for me. And try and finish up with PCT. Good luck...

**Dubsta** · 01-03-2006, 01:23 PM

Did you tell your doc that you were taking or have taken gear?

**spywizard** · 01-03-2006, 01:25 PM

follow a good and extended pct..

100mg clomid 30 days
20mg nolva 30 days
50mg proviron 30 days

repeat if necessary until you are your old self

**Polska** · 01-03-2006, 02:02 PM

Sorry to hear bro and I hope things turn up for you.

Really strange to read this though. test has the exact opposite effect on me; I feel great emotionally and physically when I am on the stuff.

**powerliftmike** · 01-03-2006, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by Dubsta

What a mistake I made by trying this shit. I'm normally a super happy, confident person, no many worries at all. That was about 7 weeks ago, having a great time in the gym, in love with my live in girlfriend, talking about marriage, kids...all that...

Fast forward to now, I'm home with my parents, don't know if I'm coming or going, I left her, don't know why, she doesn't know why, I'm beyond depressed. I have to go see or talk to somone, my life has been turned totaly upside down and I totally blame it on the gear.

I was taking 500mgs test, and 300mgs deca , I stopped deca a week ago, and then I just did my last shot of the test yesterday just so I can get off this stuff.

My biggest worry was acne or gyno, I didn't think it would have this effect on my head and my heart...I'm so depressed, I don't want to train, or work, I didn't even bother to brush my teeth last night....I have no interest in anything...

Can anyone help me at all....I really need some advice on this...I do not know what to do with myself...

Thanks in advance...

I never had this problem. And just for the record, as bad as it looks, acne and gyno dont mean shit for your health. You should be worried about cholesterol, liver values, blood pressure, and the prostate.

**powerliftmike** · 01-03-2006, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

sometimes it's a coincidence..anyhow it might just be eiaser to blame the gear than to blame circumstance

True.

**tranzit** · 01-03-2006, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by Dubsta

What a mistake I made by trying this shit. I'm normally a super happy, confident person, no many worries at all. That was about 7 weeks ago, having a great time in the gym, in love with my live in girlfriend, talking about marriage, kids...all that...

Fast forward to now, I'm home with my parents, don't know if I'm coming or going, I left her, don't know why, she doesn't know why, I'm beyond depressed. I have to go see or talk to somone, my life has been turned totaly upside down and I totally blame it on the gear.

I was taking 500mgs test, and 300mgs deca , I stopped deca a week ago, and then I just did my last shot of the test yesterday just so I can get off this stuff.

My biggest worry was acne or gyno, I didn't think it would have this effect on my head and my heart...I'm so depressed, I don't want to train, or work, I didn't even bother to brush my teeth last night....I have no interest in anything...

Can anyone help me at all....I really need some advice on this...I do not know what to do with myself...

Thanks in advance...

You sound like a weak person to me. Steroids shouldnt have fallen into your hands. Dont blame steroids becouse your a ****up blame yourself. Think im being harsh all you want, this is my pet peeve, people who dont take responsiblity for their own actions. To me your just as bad ass that kid at the steroid hearings parents who blamed Mark Mcgwire for their kid killing himself.
Istead of blaming themselfs for being bad parents. Or those stupid ****ing smokers who are dieing and sueing the tabacco companys for it. Or the fat slabs of shit that were trying to sue mcdonalds becouse they said the food made them fat. Take responsiblility for yourself and stop blaming your short commings on everything else but what it is.