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# Thread: The worst "funny" story you have ever heard

1. ## The worst "funny" story you have ever heard

Two elephants where sitting in a sauna. One of them turned to the other and said.

"its hot in here"

The other stared back at the first for and long while and finaly responded.

"yes"

Now this one can acctualy be somewhat funny if the right dude pulls it off in the right way

2. this one is utter shit

"A constant function and an exponential are walking down the street. Up ahead, they see a differential operator coming their way. The constant function says, "Oh man, I gotta run. That's a differential operatior and it can turn me into nothing." The constant function runs away, but not the exponential function. Unafraid, it walks right up to the differential operator and says, "Hello there, differential operator, I'm e^x" The differential operator says, "Pleased to meet you, I'm d/dz.""
Last edited by Kärnfysikern; 01-12-2006 at 07:44 PM.

3. Two physicists are flying in their hot air ballon and get lost. They drift low to the ground and see a man. One shouts out, "Where are we?" to which the man on the ground responds, "You're in a balloon."

The other physicist then asks, "Are you a mathematician?", to which the man on the ground answrs "Yes."

As they float off, the first physicist asks, "How did you know he was a mathematician?". The other responds, "Well, he was completely accurate, and completely useless."

4. these 2 are for nerds

"A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'"

"Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.' "

5. How do we know that Jesus was not born in the US ?

No one's been able to find 3 wise men, or a virgin !!

6. Originally Posted by johan
this one is utter shit

"A constant function and an exponential are walking down the street. Up ahead, they see a differential operator coming their way. The constant function says, "Oh man, I gotta run. That's a differential operatior and it can turn me into nothing." The constant function runs away, but not the exponential function. Unafraid, it walks right up to the differential operator and says, "Hello there, differential operator, I'm " The differential operator says, "Pleased to meet you, I'm d/dz.""

What?

7. Originally Posted by USfighterFC
What?
I told you its utter shit

8. A lady went into a butcher shop complaining about some hot dogs she had just bought. "The middle is meat," she exclaimed, "but the ends are sawdust!"

"Well," said the butcher. "These days it's hard to make ends meat."

9. the mathmatic joke has math terminology in it. d/dz means derivavtive with respect to the z component, and e raised to the power of x is an exponential function. in math, e is a "special" number, like the number pi. e = 2.718281828. btw, my physics teacher told me one of those jokes in class... bro you gotta find some better jokes.

10. Two blondes went to a costume party, both dressed as Betty Boop. When they saw each other, they were very angry, because they couldn't stand the thought that someone else was wearing the same costume. They started feuding, and one of them grabbed the other's name tag and changed it so that it read "Betty Bop." The second immediately did the same, so they were both wearing the wrong name tag and were angrier than ever.

Suddenly there was an unearthly moan, and a ghost appeared to them, also dressed as Betty Boop. It intoned, "Beware, mortals! I was once such as you, but through my pettiness and wrath I came to this! Beware, lest ye too suffer my grim fate! Beware!" But the two blondes ignored the apparition and kept feuding.

Things continued along those lines until the scat-singing contest. When it was the first blonde's turn, she did spectacularly, so much so that the audience demanded an encore. This made the second blonde so angry that she snapped, snuck up onto the bandstand, and slipped a bomb into the bass drum. But she greviously overestimated the length of the song, and it ended before she could get away. The drummer hit the bass drum, the bomb went off, and both the blondes and several innocent bystanders were killed.

And the moral of the story is: Bop, Bop, Boo-Bop: She Bopped; Bam, Boom!

11. Originally Posted by Tren Bull
the mathmatic joke has math terminology in it. d/dz means derivavtive with respect to the z component, and e raised to the power of x is an exponential function. in math, e is a "special" number, like the number pi. e = 2.718281828. btw, my physics teacher told me one of those jokes in class... bro you gotta find some better jokes.
ohh brother you havent seen the worst of them yet.

this one is the worst joke ever told and Im ashamed to even post the muther****er. But I just got to show the lowest of low points in humor

To celebrate Halloween, all the math teachers and professors got together for a big costume party. Each dressed up as their favorite math function. One particularly mean and eccentric math professor dressed up as the derivative. He ran up to the teacher dressed as cos(x) and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and scurried off looking for a -sin(x) costume. The prof ran up to another teacher who was dressed as 4x^5 and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and went scurrying off, looking for a 20x^4 costume. The prof ran up to a 3rd teacher and screamed "I derive you!" The teacher just stood there with his arms crossed. "Didn't you hear me?! I DERIVE YOU!" he shouted. Again, the teacher stood there, but with a smug expression on his face. "I derive you! I derive you! I derive you!" the professor shouted while jumping up and down. The teacher looked at him and said "derive me all you want. I'm e^x."

12. What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.

13. Why did the baker rob the bank?
He needed the dough.

14. What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
I didn't do it on porpoise.

15. Why won't a bike stand up by itself?
It's two tired.

16. A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

17. jesus christ this one is unbeatable

Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says.

"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.

"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.

18. Originally Posted by johan
Two physicists are flying in their hot air ballon and get lost. They drift low to the ground and see a man. One shouts out, "Where are we?" to which the man on the ground responds, "You're in a balloon."

The other physicist then asks, "Are you a mathematician?", to which the man on the ground answrs "Yes."

As they float off, the first physicist asks, "How did you know he was a mathematician?". The other responds, "Well, he was completely accurate, and completely useless."

19. What do you call a dead blonde in the closet???

2001 winner of hide and seek.

peace,

ttgb

20. Are... you... serious...? How could people think these jokes are funny?! (Ok, the one about the mathematician made me chuckle.)

21. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cause he was dead. why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? cause he was dead too.

22. a man gets off work, just pissed off cause hes been having a bad day so he decides to go to the bar on the top floor of his 35 story office building. when he gets to the bar he orders a beer. a man walks up to him and says "hey buddy, did you know that the wind is so strong up here that you could step out the window, and youl get blown around the building and back in the window?" the first guy says "you're a liar, get the fu_k out of my face". after hes had a few drinks the man comes up to him again and starts telling him about the strong wind. so the first guy says "oh yea? well why dont you prove it" so the second guy walks over to the window, steps out, and miraculously he gets blown around the building and back in the window. the first guy is amazed, and steps out the window to try it himself, but falls to his death. the second guy goes back to the bar and orders a drink. as the bartender brings it to him he says "gee superman, you sure are mean when you're drunk"

23. hey i got a joke...... me. haha get it?

24. Originally Posted by scriptfactory
Are... you... serious...? How could people think these jokes are funny?! (Ok, the one about the mathematician made me chuckle.)
thats the point they are suposed to be bad lol

25. There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'

26. What is the difference between a girls track team and a band of pigmys?

One is a cunning group of runts.

What is the difference between an eptileptic clam shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits.

27. johan, you are to smart for your own good!

28. The ballonist one and the farmers one I like. I liked physics.

29. yea, the farmers joke with the pysicist had me laughing hard. i think that only people that have taken physics would understand it though.

30. physics rox.

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I thought the calculus ones were actually kinda funny. Course, you've gotta have some understanding of calculus to appreciate those too.

32. yea, those definately are not the kind of jokes you would want to tell some dumb ho at a party. shed be like "whats a derivative?" or some sh_t like that.

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Yeah, it would definitely kill the moment that's for sure.

34. good for making them feel stupid maby

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Yeah but I don't think that's really the goal in that situation is it?

Unless you're getting the sense that they get off on that kind of thing - being put down or made to feel stupid.

36. well I couldnt possibly have sex with a stupid chick anyway since it is such a turn off

37. Yeah! Smart chicks are hot. It's a rare find, but when I find one, I'm useually head over heals in love with them. My friend's seen it. He was going to cock block me, but when he saw me holding her, he just let me have her. Good man.

38. Originally Posted by johan
well I couldnt possibly have sex with a stupid chick anyway since it is such a turn off
Ain't nuthin' better than boning a stupid chick and sending her on her way.

39. all things considered, i would rather hook up with a chick that has some intelligence to her so that i can have a decent conversation with her after im done fu_king her brains out. but on the other hand if i meet a dumb chick thats pretty, id still hook up with her regardless

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