alcoholic father.

Anyone else in the same boat of having one ? (hopefully not). Its 11:00 and my dad has been gone since 7:00pm. Everyone in the house knows about it and we try and help and talk to him but he never seems to be able to get away from it. He has made 1000000 promises and never has fulfilled one of them. I tried the i love you story, i hate you story, never talk to me again and nothing works. At like 9:30 my mom just had me drive her around to looking at the local bars. How ****ing embarrassing is that ? I am here trying to study my school work which isnt going to happen. All i can think of is how worried my mom/sister is. I think i am starting to turn my love into hate. I feel as though i am starting to despise him more then love it. Its just a ****ed up situation. I feel as though he can do whatever the hell he wants to himself, its when he hurts his wife and others that pisses me off.

I guess this is just a rant and i feel better sharing it with you guys. I am normally a guy that just sucks it up but somehow the forum is a way to be connected at a distance which i am more comfortable with.

I feel your pain bro. My dad has a similar problem, but does most of his drinking at home. It sickens me that someone would let alcoholism take over, but it happens. And people wonder why i don't drink....

I'm glad I dont have an alcoholic father but my good friend does have one. His father use to wake him up in the middle of the night and talk shit to him and throw stuff and treat his mom like shit. Eventually he came home one night drunk and burst into my friends room and demanded he drive him around to look for his car since he took a cab home from the bar. This was the last straw for my friend and he actually threw his father down the stairs. After that he packed up all his shit and moved out into an apartment that's 1 grand a month and he makes 1200$ a month. Thats how bad he wanted out. Still doesnt talk to his father to this day.

i can relate. my dad had always been a heavy drinker, then he and my mom divorced, and he was pretty much never around, my mom moved to chicago and i was pretty much left to take care of my sister while i was still in high school.

he's a lot better now.

depression, or that urge to numb it, is a huge factor in the transformation of a drinker to a drunk.

you need to be a positive influence on him if you care. Do not hate. Tough love if you have to, but no hate.

he needs something like rehab, AA...something...to get better

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Originally Posted by Neo

I feel your pain bro. My dad has a similar problem, but does most of his drinking at home. It sickens me that someone would let alcoholism take over, but it happens. And people wonder why i don't drink....

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Normally he does stay at home but i think that when we rag on him sometimes he figures F*** this and leaves to local places. Mom normally hides his keys so he cant drive anywhere. Its weird it works 4 days on then 3 off and it a total "working alcoholic." When them 3 days comes he just a total different person.

USfighterFC

I already made a promise to myself that out of the respect for him i would never lay a hand on him. That line would be crossed if he ever rasied a hand to another family member in my house. Honestly i would end up in jail if it ever came down to that which i pray to god it never will.

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Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Normally he does stay at home but i think that when we rag on him sometimes he figures F*** this and leaves to local places. Mom normally hides his keys so he cant drive anywhere. Its weird it works 4 days on then 3 off and it a total "working alcoholic." When them 3 days comes he just a total different person.

USfighterFC

I already made a promise to myself that out of the respect for him i would never lay a hand on him. That line would be crossed if he ever rasied a hand to another family member in my house. Honestly i would end up in jail if it ever came down to that which i pray to god it never will.

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I'm glad, you should keep it at that barrier. I guess after 20 something years my friend just couldnt take it anymore. He ever try getting help.

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Originally Posted by ryamigo

i can relate. my dad had always been a heavy drinker, then he and my mom divorced, and he was pretty much never around, my mom moved to chicago and i was pretty much left to take care of my sister while i was still in high school.

he's a lot better now.

depression, or that urge to numb it, is a huge factor in the transformation of a drinker to a drunk.

you need to be a positive influence on him if you care. Do not hate. Tough love if you have to, but no hate.

he needs something like rehab, AA...something...to get better

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I was telling my mom that tonight. I said you know he can't beat this and we can no longer help me. He needs professional help. He looks at it as since he works and supports us ("working alcoholic") he doesnt have a real problem.

Wow brother - that's tough stuff.
My dad was the same way when I was your age.
The guy didn't care about anyone but himself.

All I can say to you is that you are doing the right thing by standing by your mom and your sister - They need you and you are stepping up.

I know what you mean by embarrassed - but looking back on my situation, it was the right thing to do and only he looked like the fool to others.
To this day he respects me because I took care of things in his absence and never gave in to his BS or excuses, I would just say "I know you're tryin dad"
and let him do his thing. Cause I knew if I upset him he might take it out on my mom or little brother.
It taught me how to be the better person in a crappy situation.

If you're not out drinking and partying every night, you're all ready a better man.

Good Luck - And stand tall.

My dad used to be like that, a DWI changed his idea of things. He still drinks but never to get drunk, and when he does it is a very rare occasion.

It seems like he has matured some, and realized he was hurting the people he loved the most.

We where even saying tonight, what scares me more is that he could hurt someone else on the road. That is just unthinkable.

I dont have an alcoholic father, but when he drinks he turns into the biggest @$$ I have ever met. A couple of times I almost threw the old man around but i bit my tounge. I tryed telling him to stop drinking and his comments were, "Yeah I know, its bad for me." And he still drinks. He has to have at least 3-4 beers a night, i know not a lot but still, catch him at the right moment and he starts yelling for no reason.

It sucks that it has to be looked at it that way, but I think that alcohol makes them numb to other's feelings and their surroundings. But usually when an alcoholic realizes what they have done its too late.

Take him out to lunch and explain it to him. I know you have tried various approaches, but have you sat down with him and asked him why it is he drinks, and if he knows what he is doing to you and others like your mom/sis?

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Originally Posted by AnabolicAndre

It sucks that it has to be looked at it that way, but I think that alcohol makes them numb to other's feelings and their surroundings. But usually when an alcoholic realizes what they have done its too late.

Take him out to lunch and explain it to him. I know you have tried various approaches, but have you sat down with him and asked him why it is he drinks, and if he knows what he is doing to you and others like your mom/sis?

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We have had the sit downs more then once. He has promised to stop 10000 times because he wants to be in our lives but he still doesn't stop. I feel as though its beyond what we can do for him. He needs other options. Then again if you don't stop for your family what the **** else are you going to stop for.

Thats a rough one dude. My wifes father died an alcoholic. For many years he was a working alcoholic but as time progressed he just got worse. He died drunk at the bottom of their stairs one night.

Much good advice has been given here. Look into an intervention. This is where he is surprised by all those who care about him and a professional and each of you really tell him how much he is hurting everyone, how you feel about him, and how you want to feel about him. This is always followed up by an immediate ride to an in patient rehab facility.

I do feel for you man. Try to remember this is a disease, he can't control the disease with the tools he has at this time. He is not weak, or a loser, or whatever, he is sick...just like someone with cancer.

Hang tough, and do as someone else said here, love him, do not hate.

Good luck.

My father was an alcoholic up to the day he died. I saw him beat my mother as a young kid, he would cheat on her, and do all kinds of crazy things.

The best thing that happened for us was when my mom got a restraining order and threw my dad out of the house.

Your mom needs to come to the conclusion that the alcohol will come before any "promise" your father makes to you guys. Unless he get treatment for this he will always want the alcohol.

Sorry to hear this because I know how it feels.

Nope, I dont have an alcoholic father, but I do have an alcoholic me.

Want my advice? Dont worry about him, dont pity him, dont even preted you care anymore. Theres nothing you can do to help him, he can only help himself. Either wipe your hands clean of him or be prepared to be taken for the ride of your life. He will destroy your lives if you let him.

My dad's an alcoholic. He doesnt do it at work or when he drives, but as soon as he parks his truck at home from work he drinks. It seems like 90% of the time he's passed out or passing out on the couch. Ive known about this for 15 years when my parents didn't think i did. I used to wonder why my dad hated me because he yelled at me all the time. Ive sat down with him, as well as my mom and other family members and he says he's going to quit and even tells us he quits, then i find a stash of 10 empty 1/2 gallons of vodka. He's been trying to hide the fact that he's an alcoholic for the past 10 years, but he's not fooling sober people. I've given up on him. I can't do anything, especially now that i moved out. My mom has threatened divorce, to kick him out, everything, but he wont give up drinking. at this point i'm only concerned with how he's treating my mom, i'd hate to see my mom alone, but he's not going to mistreat her as far as im concerned.

oh shit a thread im tha master about finally.. haha j/k but seriosly my moms side of the family is full of alcoholics and my mom is a BAAD one..shes tried rehab twice gotten a DUI first(only cause she didnt blow) then couple months later a DWI now shes got that breathalizer and all sorts of madness goin on in her life..after all that shit she still goes out and parties w/her friends like shes in her 20s its ****ed up but im not to fond of her anyway so whateva whateva...she doesnt beat me or lock me up and shes down to party with me an my friends so ehh..oh and its weird too cause shes like a health freak alcoholic...

oh shit a thread im tha master about finally.. haha j/k but seriosly my moms side of the family is full of alcoholics and my mom is a BAAD one..shes tried rehab twice gotten a DUI first(only cause she didnt blow) then couple months later a DWI now shes got that breathalizer and all sorts of madness goin on in her life..after all that shit she still goes out and parties w/her friends like shes in her 20s its ****ed up but im not to fond of her anyway so whateva whateva...she doesnt beat me or lock me up and shes down to party with me an my friends so ehh..oh and its weird too cause shes like a health freak alcoholic...

Hope your Dad can get into some meetings. They have worked for me. I have been sober and drug free for over 8 years now.

POSH

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Originally Posted by POSH

Hope your Dad can get into some meetings. They have worked for me. I have been sober and drug free for over 8 years now.

POSH

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Gd on ya bro!

I did print out some information and i am going to leave it on the table. I haven't talked to him since tuesday afternoon. He walks by me and i don't even look his way.

You may look into those counselors who "host" interventions.....it may sound cheesy, but they really work alot of the time.

My father had the same problem... The thing the broke him was the fact that he kept appologizing for the stuff he did, but would turn around and do it again the next night. So I told he he in no way showed he was sorry, I was tired of his shit, and that I would remove myself from his life completely if he didnt stop. What did he do? But down the bottle, because even though drinking ment alot to him, he knew his family ment more.. good luck bro

ScreaM

Wow! I wonder if there is a link between alcoholic fathers / family members and young men who use steroids?

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Originally Posted by POSH

Wow! I wonder if there is a link between alcoholic fathers / family members and young men who use steroids?

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I do steriods so i can kick my dads @$$ if need be :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by DSM4Life

I do steriods so i can kick my dads @$$ if need be :rolleyes:

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Actually, I did start hitting the gym in High School to woop his ass... or at least feel more confident about standing up to the big lug... :wg:

My Dad's been smokin' Pall Mall nonfilters and drinkin' Johnny Walker since he was about 9 years old... it's going to catch up with him - he is an acoholic... but it was bred into him from his father - born into an immigrant German farming family... he was the first generation in the States.

I bitch - but my siblings think he is fine. I rarely drink - my brother is becoming a big drinker though. Fact is, I think my time with my father is very limited - I try and keep contact with him on the phone and see him as often as possible... but am prepared for a phone call, "Dad's in the hospital..."

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Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Anyone else in the same boat of having one ? (hopefully not). Its 11:00 and my dad has been gone since 7:00pm. Everyone in the house knows about it and we try and help and talk to him but he never seems to be able to get away from it. He has made 1000000 promises and never has fulfilled one of them. I tried the i love you story, i hate you story, never talk to me again and nothing works. At like 9:30 my mom just had me drive her around to looking at the local bars. How ****ing embarrassing is that ? I am here trying to study my school work which isnt going to happen. All i can think of is how worried my mom/sister is. I think i am starting to turn my love into hate. I feel as though i am starting to despise him more then love it. Its just a ****ed up situation. I feel as though he can do whatever the hell he wants to himself, its when he hurts his wife and others that pisses me off.

I guess this is just a rant and i feel better sharing it with you guys. I am normally a guy that just sucks it up but somehow the forum is a way to be connected at a distance which i am more comfortable with.

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Y'all need to go to Al-anon meetings. It's for family members of alcoholics. You'll learn to deal with this and live and let live.

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Originally Posted by 63190

Y'all need to go to Al-anon meetings. It's for family members of alcoholics. You'll learn to deal with this and live and let live.

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AWESOME SUGGESTION! Seriously Al-anon works wonders. I have seen it transform many lives! You should look into it.

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Originally Posted by POSH

AWESOME SUGGESTION! Seriously Al-anon works wonders. I have seen it transform many lives! You should look into it.

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Yeh ive seen a few people turn their lives around with the support of others in the same situation in the form of al-anon, def worth a try!

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Originally Posted by Warrior

but am prepared for a phone call, "Dad's in the hospital..."

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It's sad, but i also feel the same way.