11-04-2002, 04:22 PM #1
2 Years With The Same Girl - Today We Broke Up
I can't belive this shit. I've been with my girl for 2 years and the amount of crap and shit she put me through all came to an end today, pretty ugly too. What set it off was a number of things, mainly, she was too caught up in herself to respect other people, and could never admit that she fucked up. She couldn't change in the slightest way to make someone else happy and she had double standards when it came to me and her.
To be honest, I never messed up, but I stuck to it the whole 2 years, even after constantly being told by MY friends and HER family that I can do a lot better.
So today, maybe 20 minutes ago, we broke up and the last thing she said to me was "Maybe you can go find a girl who'll make you happier than I did! A girl who doesn't drink and a girl who hugs and kisses you!" And hung up.
Why she said that? Because I have strong feelings against drinking because of a lot of personal shit. I never stopped her from drinking because that's what she wants to do, but a week ago, she got hammered to the max and I had to pick her up and drop her off home. The thing about this is that we had huge fights about this before, and we both agreed she would be responsible, but she wasn't and didn't even bother to think about how I felt. What's worse is that a lot of people know that shouldn't and more than one person has said, "You don't drink at all Ronny? Why is your girl a drunk?" One fucker even had the balls to say he was gonna hit on her, needless to say we got in a scrap and I fucked him up real bad.
I just told you what you need to know and you guys don't even know ANYTHING yet about what she's done to me. Just had to let myself vent on something. The only thing that bothers me now is that 2 years of my life for what? And I don't think I'll be able to deal with seeing her with another guy.
11-04-2002, 04:30 PM #2
Time heals all wounds bro...hit the gym extra hard today you deserve it.
11-04-2002, 04:34 PM #3
Bro I've been there, only difference is I wasted 8 years on someone that was self centered and never really cared about me or my goals in life... I loved her and that made it seem like I needed to be with her...
In the end she did me wrong in more ways then I could ever explain... It sucks, but with time you'll find someone that wants to stand right by yourside... i was lucky enough to find that someone and she supports me 100% in everything I do...
Sometimes the truth hurts, maybe your girl knew she wasn't the one for you and that's why she said what she did...
11-04-2002, 04:40 PM #4
Hey Ronny - lets go play some tackle football I'm sure you get this joke.
11-04-2002, 04:50 PM #5Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2002
- Chicago, IL
Yeah dood.. I was in a very similar situation... you keep trying harder and harder to fix things as they continue to fall apart and finally it just ends.. Trust me you are better off for it man.. it takes a while to come to terms with it.. but hit the gym hard and take care of yourself for a while.. a better chick will come along.
11-04-2002, 04:59 PM #6
ronnie bro my heart goes out to you brotha , i was with a girl for a year and 8 months who was the exact same. She was too self centered and too childish to admit her mistakes and care about others. I was also told by my friends and even hers that it was time to move on and find someone else but I somehow even through the shit cared deeply for her. She dumped my ass too bro but i got over it slowly. I didnt rebound but she did and that hurt me more but i hit the gym, i told myself that it wasnt my fault and shit happens. Time is the absolute best healer of things my friends but time is the least of what we have. Dont worry bro jus take it easy, at least now you dont have to worry about the headaches and problems she would cause you and no more pickin her up. Hell bro if she couldnt respect your feelings and beliefs than maybe she wasnt worth it...IMHO...thats how I feel about people...if they cant except you for you they can fuck themselves...but take it slow bro and take it day by day...it only gets better from here brotha ...thats just how life is.
11-04-2002, 05:03 PM #7Female Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2002
- Vancouver, Canada
From what I can tell, what it boils down to is that you settled for something less than what you had in mind for a partner. We all do this, over and over again, until one day you say to yourself 'no more settling'. Yes it hurts like hell, but bottom line is, once you make your decision to stick to only and only what you truly want, it will come an find you. As for her drinking, the honest truth is that you can not change anyone but yourself (of course you already know that, I'm not trying to preach here), I don't know if you guys had an understanding about drinking, but if you did and she didn't keep her word, then she just showed you that she is not prepared to change her lifestyle/habbits/whatever it may be or even compromise for you. All I can say is, learn from this relationship and go on, again, yes it hurts like hell, but bottom line is do you think you deserve more than what you had? (I'm sure you will answer 'YES') if so, do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. You and only you knows what it is that you look for in a partner, don't let anyone sway you away from that.
Good luck to you (believe it or not, this WILL make you a much stronger person)
Last edited by joanna; 11-04-2002 at 05:12 PM.
11-04-2002, 06:45 PM #8
You don't realize it when you're in a bad situation but you're much better off getting away from her. From what you explained, you two didn't get along very well. You may now think that you're in love with her but in time you'll see that you're much happier without her. The same happened for me. While in the situation I couldn't really see how bad it was until getting out of it. Just take this time to focus on yourself and your goals.
11-04-2002, 06:54 PM #9
Aragorn, Yes! I do GET the joke! *haha, and whenever you're ready, let me know!*
Everyone else, thanks for the kind words and insights. Pretty much everything that you guys said fits to exactly either what I'm feeling OR what I've been through. Right now, I'm just focusing mainly on training, school and my physical test coming up very soon.
As gay at it sounds (nothing wrong with gay guy), this has been a BIG help and just reading what you've wrote eases a lot of feelings I had...
I hope you bro's are right and knowing that half of you have been there and done that, it means a lot.
I sincerely thank you guys for your help and words of wisdom,
11-04-2002, 06:55 PM #10
11-04-2002, 07:20 PM #11
Sorry to hear that Bro, but to every end there is a new begining...so look forward to meeting new people and enjoy single life, good luck in the future...XXLSOURCE CHECKS ONLY FOR USERS WITH OVER 100 POSTS.
All of the Statements made by Mr. Mike_XXL are purely fictional and have absolutely no merit and are not meant to cure, prevent or diagnose any disease, please consult your Physician before starting any exercise and supplement regiment.
Canadian proud, Northern muscle baby!
11-04-2002, 08:00 PM #12
Ahhhhhh I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I know how you feel. I hope that in time the bad feelings ease....and you find the happiness you deserve. Take your time. You will find the woman that appreciates all your fine qualities (I am sure you have some) and will love and care for you.
Here's a hug for you ((((((((Ronny))))))))
11-04-2002, 08:16 PM #13Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2002
- new york
Sounds like u need to get wasted.
11-04-2002, 08:29 PM #14
dont just ::
11-04-2002, 10:13 PM #15
I'm taking the advice of pumping iron hard, and I AM. I'm trying to look at the positives of "now I have time to do what I want" and focus hard.
Thanks for the hug Commando-Barbi, means a lot, especially now!
Anyone got some hot friends?
11-05-2002, 01:03 AM #16
bro, I, along with most of the people on this board have been through shit like this. Don't look at it as a waist though. You have definately learned alot out of this...it is only a waist if you didn't. Take what you've learned and apply it to the right girl. Time to surround yourself with friends and try your damndest to enjoy life. You will get over her.
11-05-2002, 01:10 AM #17
Your future wife will be happy that your ex let you slip away! In the long run you will be really happy find a beautiful girl with the heart of gold! I feel your pain bro, but there are so many amazing women out there that are probably looking for a guy like you. My belief is that I'm looking for the right one and enjoying having the time of the life with the wrong ones in the meantime! Time and meeting chics will really help. Good luck bro, ones to many and a million isn't enough!
11-05-2002, 02:25 AM #18
2 years of your life was not a total wast. For you are all the more wiser grasshopper.
11-05-2002, 02:29 AM #19
Nahh but seriously man i been there and done that. You may be kicking yourself in the ass right now for staying with her for 2 years, but man if you seriously think about it your learned a hard lesson i bet you feel wiser already. I know this might seem a little sarcastic, but im being serisous so don't take it the wrong way. Just thank god you did not have to go through a divorce.
11-05-2002, 05:28 AM #20
I threw away 7 years of my life when I married my first wife. She too was very self centered and spoiled but she was also extremely egotistical. She ended up cheating on me and leaving me for somebody else. All in all it ended well, because now I'm married to the most supportive, beautiful person I have ever met and we are and always will be best friends. I know it still stings bro but I can tell you from experience. I look back on the day I found out about the affair as the absolute worst day of my life......but it was also the best day of my life!
11-05-2002, 06:59 AM #21
Another drinker huh?
Had exactly the same problem Bro , was so down went to a psych (told me she was BPD - bet yours was too) to take my finals in college , she's still tryin to fuck with my head (after bein with some other guys of course) , even offers to pay for a hotel to spend Dec 30th together on. Drank like a fish , we fought , swore every week that same thing wouldn't happen again....
Just be happy that you didn't have kids together Bro , she woulda let down too , eventually you'd be a broken man , she'd get the kids and you'd get to pay support. Isn't life great???
Hold on , this was supposed to be a positive mail , oh yeah , there's always porn.....
Seriously Bro , you look great , in fact I'm even gonna check out your cycling experience via a search so no doubt the next honey won't be too far away.
11-05-2002, 08:57 AM #22Junior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2002
- Orange County, CA
Sorry to hear about your breakup.
Things happen for a reason however. I broke up with a girl and found my current gf shortly after.
Sounds like you are the better person and truely deserve someone better. Upwards and onwards to bigger and better things. G'luck!
11-05-2002, 09:03 AM #23Respected Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
- The Rink!!
Like many have said I have been there..and you can add me to that list bro...I was dating someone that I thought was perfect for 3 years and she too cheated on me. Then after I ended it I thought to myself for so long that I can't believe I waste 3 years of my life. I have a different look on those years now. I don't feel they where a waste. I learned a lot in the years, things such as what I liked and didn't like about woman. And now I know exactly what I want!
So chalk it up as experience and enjoy the single life for the next little bit a break will do you good. Best of luck bro and i don't know the joke but if you guys are playing football and there if you need a quarter back! hope I said the right thing!
11-05-2002, 09:42 AM #24
Thanks for all the kind words bro/sis's. A lot of what you said is making a lot of sense....here's what people said that are dead on...
"In the end she did me wrong in more ways then I could ever explain... It sucks, but with time you'll find someone that wants to stand right by yourside... i was lucky enough to find that someone and she supports me 100% in everything I do... "
- What you said about a girl being there to support you, I never had it in anything, ESPECIALLY not in the gym. She hated the fact that I went because she's not attracted to huge guys. And now that I'm a lot bigger than when we first met, she complains non-stop.
"Yeah dood.. I was in a very similar situation... you keep trying harder and harder to fix things as they continue to fall apart and finally it just ends"
- You're damn right.
" i told myself that it wasnt my fault and shit happens. Time is the absolute best healer of things my friends but time is the least of what we have. Dont worry bro jus take it easy, at least now you dont have to worry about the headaches and problems she would cause you and no more pickin her up. Hell bro if she couldnt respect your feelings and beliefs than maybe she wasnt worth it...IMHO...thats how I feel about people...if they cant except you for you they can fuck themselves...but take it slow bro and take it day by day...it only gets better from here brotha ...thats just how life is."
- Very well put, I don't think I could've said it any better.
"what it boils down to is that you settled for something less than what you had in mind for a partner. We all do this, over and over again, until one day you say to yourself 'no more settling'"
"I don't know if you guys had an understanding about drinking, but if you did and she didn't keep her word, then she just showed you that she is not prepared to change her lifestyle/habbits/whatever it may be or even compromise for you"
- We did have a compromise, that she wouldn't get to that level of intoxication without either me or her family being around to make sure she's okay, she went out and got totally smashed with people she JUST met.
"You don't realize it when you're in a bad situation but you're much better off getting away from her. From what you explained, you two didn't get along very well. You may now think that you're in love with her but in time you'll see that you're much happier without her."
- I never thought to look at it in this situation, but taking what you say into perspective, I think you might just be right.
"Sorry to hear that Bro, but to every end there is a new begining...so look forward to meeting new people and enjoy single life"
- I'm looking forward to not meeting someone right away, but enjoying the SINGLE life...and ending up with a midsection like yours
"Here's a hug for you ((((((((Ronny))))))))"
- Gimme another one.
"Sounds like u need to get wasted."
- Trust me brah, if I drank, I would've been wasted LONG ago!
"Don't look at it as a waist though. You have definately learned alot out of this...it is only a waist if you didn't. Take what you've learned and apply it to the right girl. Time to surround yourself with friends and try your damndest to enjoy life. You will get over her."
- That's another perspective that I never looked at it as. Thanks for the new outlook on the positives of all this crap.
" Just thank god you did not have to go through a divorce."
- That's the only thing that kept my head on straight last night bro, I kept on thinking 'it's better now than later'.
"I look back on the day I found out about the affair as the absolute worst day of my life......but it was also the best day of my life!"
- I keep on telling myself that too. That it's hard today, but I'll be happier down the road, so just suck it up and sacrifice for the greater good...for both me AND her.
"we fought , swore every week that same thing wouldn't happen again.... "
- That's exactly what we did for the last year. Fought and swore neither of us would fight about it again...but never happened.
"Sounds like you are the better person and truely deserve someone better. Upwards and onwards to bigger and better things. G'luck!"
- Thanks for the kind words brah, my bigger and better things are my first cycle. I'm using this to fuel my intensity come Mid-December.
"I learned a lot in the years, things such as what I liked and didn't like about woman. And now I know exactly what I want!"
- I know now what I want from a girl, and looks damn sure aren't everything (even though they don't hurt)
"Hey Ronny - lets go play some tackle football I'm sure you get this joke."
- Made me laugh bro when I least expected too! Thanks!
11-05-2002, 09:45 AM #25
Thanks bro's, all the advice and the experiences are really helpful. Good to know someone else has been there and done that.
She called me this morning though. all crying and sobbing and saying that "she hopes I find someone better" and then crying some more. Then she hangs up. Calls back and says "I can't live without you. I'll never find someone better, but you can, and I hope you're happy."
I wanted to take her back, but I told her I need to think about a lot of things the next few days and that I would call her in a couple. She told me to call her back anytime, but shit....what to do? I'll post up some stories about how shit is all fucked up, and you guys input on it.
11-05-2002, 09:50 AM #26Respected Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
- The Rink!!
I believe that giving yourself a day or 2 to think things over is the best way to go about things. All I want to say is in my past experience it never worked out when I went back to the same girl because she said she was going to change. So with that said take some time away and do some real thinking about what you want with your life as far as relationships go and does your X fit that profile???
11-05-2002, 12:51 PM #27
Sorry to hear that bro, I've had some similiar situations with my ex-gf, infact there was a huge post like this one about it. It helped alot just reading what people had to say and made me realize that shit I am not the only person in this world that gets shafted and the fact that even though I knew it but when I read it, it made me feel better because everyone gets better from stuff like this. I hate to quote this because its often mis-used and played out but "What does not kill us, only makes us stronger" its the truth bro. Come out of the situation with your head held high, you stuck it out for 2 years and from your words did nothing wrong bro, my hats off to you. One of these days you'll find the "one" and all these types of situations will be coffe talk. Keep yer head up bro, there are alot of things people have to be happy and thankful for, the only problem is we tend to focus on the negatives.
11-05-2002, 06:59 PM #28
everythings been said, but remember this as well.
does it hurt to break up a serious relationship? yes, BUT, we both know you dont want to be with someone like you described! sure you got attached to her, but deep down you had a feeling the entire time.
I once got cheated on and dumped by a girlfriend. I was upset and cried for ten minutes. Then, out of know where, I was very very happy. I realised I never liked her, and actualy disliked her. I was so releaved!
11-05-2002, 07:38 PM #29
Here's another hug for you.
Your post and all the replies from they guys are actually helping me to sort through my own situation. It's long long and involved. He's the reason I started working out, when I lost him, I lost my heart to train....couldn't even go in the gym without crying. I turned my life upside down to be with him, knowing full well that once I made those changes....he might not be there. I don't regret my decisions but I went through a lot of pain. This has been going on for 2 yrs. I finally moved away and now that I am gone, he's telling me what I wanted so badly to hear for SOOO long. For two years I told him how I felt about him.....and never heard it back. Now... he "loves me" and my heart says give it a chance....my brain says.....RUN FAST and FAR.
I don't know what I am going to do. But all of the responses the guys gave you....gave me a lot of food for thought.
For now.....I am trying to put all my energy into the GYM.
11-05-2002, 10:34 PM #30
There's a hug in return CB.
I just had a new twist with the relationship break up. She moved down to where I'm from (Toronto area) basically for me and for school. She has no friends down here, except for like 3. She calls me up about an hour ago and says "Sorry...I had to call you". So we talk and fight and talk and fight because I called her earlier today and explained that we were too different to be together and the fighting was just going to get worse. Anyways, I still love her to death, and she says "It's easier for you...you have so much going on here...I came here for you...you did so much today to keep your mind occupied...I have nothing and no one here except you?" and that broke my heart bro's/sis'. What am I supposed to do? The sad thing is, this isn't a sympathy trip from her, it's the honest truth....I can't just leave her like this....I honestly don't know what to do now????!!!??????!!!!!!
11-05-2002, 10:37 PM #31
She also said a few things that really got to me...
"The truth is, I really aren't good enough for you...and you know it. We always fight, but it's about me and what I do wrong...and I know it. I never complain or fight about you because you don't do anything wrong...I'm sorry. You know I can't find anyone better than you? But you can find someone better than me...."
Fuck me. That totally kills me. It's like she's a kid now....and I gotta take care of her. She's my responsiblity now because I'm the reason she's here.....
What do I do???
11-05-2002, 10:59 PM #32
You don't owe her any favors bro. She will still be the same immature hurtful girl that she always has been. She will be what you want her to be untill she gets back in the comfort zone and then she will hurt you again. I can't make this decision for you, but the way I see it is she doesn't deserve you. Let her sit alone where she deserves to be.
I too was in a two year relationship and she was my world. I thought I couldn't live without her. Now I look back and I wouldn't change a thing. Even laugh at how pathetic I was. I learned from the experience though and moved on. It made me stronger and this will do the same for you.
11-07-2002, 09:32 AM #33
Sorry to hear about the break up, but she's giving you a guilt trip to try to make you feel sorry for her...don't fall for it. You will obviously be better off without her. Move on and enjoy being single for a while.
11-07-2002, 04:24 PM #34New Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2002
Sorry to jump in here, but I have a total different view on this than pretty much everyone here. If you guys still love each other, find a counselor, priest or someone who can give an outside view on this matters. Its always more complicated than it seems bro. When you learn about what is the fuck wrong about oneself, (I didnt nothing wrong I treated her like a queen, I didnt do anything wrong he was controlling ect.) What she wrote about it being her fault and she cant find someone else, is not a guilt trip. See those words for what they are, hell imagine what it would take for you to write those statements, how you would need to feel to write that. Its abvious that she has self esteem problems and maybe some other crap from her past, who knows. Bring the problems together and try to solve them. I really hate to see 2 people that are in love, take the easy road out. I bet if you talk to old folks that have been together for some time, they would tell you how many times they wanted to run out and say fuck this relationship. Problems, attitude ect arise from internal shit happening to a person not the other way around. Get help for her, if she doesnt want it then walk, make it known that you will not put up with shit. Just my take on this matter, but anyway keep your head up bro and hope everything turns out for the better.
Last edited by AZTKWORRIOR; 11-07-2002 at 04:31 PM.
11-07-2002, 05:08 PM #35
Well said...No decision should be made in haste. The fact that this girl moved here for you, your schooling, your desires, and your dreams tells me that at some point in the past this girl thought an awful lot of you. If you sincerly believe you can work your problems out then give it a shot. If you don't then you may be asking yourself down the road "what if...?"
There are two sides to every story. If you asked my friends and co-workers about me they would tell my wife how lucky she is, but only she and I know how big of dick I can be. I'm sure there can be some of this going on with your situation in regards to her family's perception of your relationship. No one is perfect and no one person is 100% responsible for the falling out of any situation. Good luck bro
11-08-2002, 09:29 AM #36Junior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2002
- Orange County, CA
Just my perspective on the recent posts...
First off, thanks for cutting and pasting all of our comments and taking the time to reply to all of them. Very thoughtful...
Back to the topic...
The only one who can make the decision is you. My philosophy on breaking up is this. Imagine you are a captain of a ship. Of course, you put all your work and heart into it and you don't want to leave her. You have to ask yourself this. Is this ship repairable? If it is and you feel it is worth it, go for it. If it is not, then there is no reason to go down with an unrepairable sinking ship. Jump! Get a life boat.
I wouldn't fall for the guilt personally however. People are strong, they can survive. If she didn't have you, she is a grown adult and should find a way to survive/cope.
If you get back with her or give her another chance, make sure you're doing it because YOU want to. Not out of guilt. No one wants "pity love."
Again, I'm not one for telling someone what to do, the decision is ultimately yours.
Hope that helps.
11-08-2002, 10:25 AM #37
bro, bro, bro. I was in almost the EXACT situation. My ex of 4 years was always fucking up. I had to bust my ass to always fix things, that she was breaking. She would say to me crying, "it's so fucking easy for you to be perfect...I'll never understand how you do it", and shit like that. I felt like I was a parent in the end, taking care of and guiding her. Bro, a relationship needs to be equal in it's giving and taking. You are giving, and even though it seems that she is trying to give, if she's not the right girl, she may not be able to give enough. Does that make send??? Anyway, what I finally realized is, if I wanted her to grow up, I had to let her bust her butt a few times, and not always be here to catch her. I had to let her go. You do what you like, but it took me a year after we "broke" up, to realize this...If you do decide to stay broken up, make it a clean break. Just my .02...good luck bro
11-18-2002, 01:45 PM #38
I believe any relationship is repairable if the the love is still true. I'm a little old fashioned and believe in following your heart. But I do agree with MMA Junkie to not take her back out of guilt. "pity love" is not very respectible. Not only for her but for yourself.
"To Live or Let Die", is the question only you can answer.
11-18-2002, 07:21 PM #39
Ronnie my man, i may have not been in the exact spot but i have been in something very similar, bro i am telling you this is not really love if its mutual. How can you say you are in love or how can she say it (considering the fact you believe you are i dont know) if the feeling isnt mutual and if you cant feel back what you give the person? Im NOT saying forget about her, but you will recover and right now your thinking with your heart, not head. Dude trust me , take some time out and think deep about it, there are plenty of fish in the sea and saying you want to go through constant aggravation and frustration because of a feeling is preposterous! Dont jump into this dude! Take time out and think about it. Someone once told me something that really clicked, Love is indeed the most powerful force on earth, it can make or break someone, be easy friend.
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