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  1. #1
    Sir Victorian guy, V.C. is offline Knight of the Garter and Member of the Victorian Order
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    I helped out HANDICAPPED bros at the gym!

    Brothers,

    I am thinking of getting into coaching for the disabled, both those with physical and mental disabilities- maybe something along the lines of the Special Olympics. A recent experience at the gym has, indeed, made me realize that NO MATTER what disability a person has, it should not deter them from pursuing the Iron Warrior lifestyle!

    I was training back with my chauffeur and personal assistant, Nobby. We were doing weighted chins- the extra weight being a pencil neck we collared, frog-marched over to the chinning bar, and had him hang onto my legs as I repped out 10 chins, screaming with effort the whole time.
    After my set, I noticed a number of handicapped folk training- some sort of group-home outing, no doubt. Nobby and I watched as one of the group-home workers tried to show a lad in a wheelchair how to do lat pulldowns, and had him using only 3 plates of the stack!
    "This won't do", I sneered, and Nobby and I headed over to the woman and the handicapped fellow. "You think just because this man is wheelchair bound that he is a weakling?" I asked her. As she began to answer, Nobby smacked her across the face as I screamed "SILENCE!!" so loud the equipment rattled.
    "Alright, brother- time for some REAL work!" I cried, put wrist straps on the man, put the pin to the bottom of the stack, added a 45 to it, pulled the pulldown-bar to his chest and while I held it there Nobby wrapped the straps around the bar. "BUSINESS- AS USUAL- NOW SQUEEZE....FEEL THE NEGATIVES!!" I roared, then let go of the bar. It snapped up, taking the man with it, the wrist straps unwound, and he flew over the pulldown machine and landed on the floor behind it, then began going into convulsions and foaming at the mouth- he was having a seizure!
    I looked at Nobby. He looked at me. I put my hands deep into my pockets and, looking as innocent as possible, sauntered off, whistling a piece by Handel. Nobby lumbered off in the other direction, stopping only to punch a punk in the face for wearing sunglasses in the gym.

    Later on, we headed over to the squat rack to do shrugs- but someone was using it! In this case, we decided not to toss them aside as a truly inspirational scene took place before our eyes.
    There was a lad of about 20ish, suffering from Down's Syndrome, doing squats with 315- he was really putting superhuman effort into his sets! Once he was done, I approached him, offering my support.
    "Bloody fucking well done!" I cried. "What is your name?" I asked.
    "Mawvin" he replied. Marvin was a happy looking fellow, and behind a pair of glasses with lenses 2 inches thick I could detect a warrior spirit. "Marvin, look about" I said. "You are the strongest of your group...I do hope YOU are taking bloody fucking charge of this lot!" I cried. "See that man over there- the one in the wheelchair, drinking Gatorade...why not go over and claim that bloody Gatorade for yourself!"
    "Roight. Show 'em who's bloody fookin boss! 'Urt the bahstahds!" Nobby snarled.
    Marvin's eyes lit up, and he burst forth, screaming, in a frenzy not seen since Japanese 'banzai' charges of WWII, and charged straight at the man in the wheelchair, clotheslining him out of his chair. He snatched the Gatorade bottle, kicked the guy in the head and, his maniacal banzai attack not quite over, he made a screaming dash at a fellow who was sitting on a bench analysing a bright shiny object he had picked up off the floor. Marvin crashed into him, and began putting the boots to him. At that moment, several group home workers and gym members tackled him, and as he screamed obscenities and struggled, one of the workers shoved a needle into his thigh and injected him with what was, no doubt, a powerful sedative. In 10 seconds, he stopped moving and the paramedics were called.

    "I have seen enough. These poor fellows are being denied their DIGNITY!" I screamed. We headed out of the gym...and while heading out a man followed us into the parking lot. "Hi...look, I'm the manager of the group home...call me 'JP'...and I know you guys are only trying to help, but-" at that point he put his hand on Nobby's shoulder "...we prefer to handle them ourselves!" he said warmly.
    He had touched Nobby. The end was near, so very, very near.
    I stepped back. The skies darkened, birds flew away, and Nobby stood there like stone, as the ramifications of what had just happened dawned on him.
    Screaming "FOOKIN POOFTAH!!!" Nobby delivered a kick, which would have sent a soccer ball into orbit, right into JP's testicles, lifting him up four feet into the air. While JP was in mid-air, Nobby lashed him across the face with his chain, and he came to the ground like a sack of wet cement, and lay quivering, in the fetal position with his hands between his legs, on the parking lot pavement.

    We jumped into the Rolls and roared off, as concerned members came out of the gym and, no doubt, the authorities were called.

    Nobby and I are checking into coaching opportunities at the Special Olympics.
    Any bros have experience in that department?

  2. #2
    Aragorn's Avatar
    Aragorn is offline Senior Member
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    Aragorn

  3. #3
    palme's Avatar
    palme is offline Rosie Member
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    I love this guy!

  4. #4
    kreper69's Avatar
    kreper69 is offline Associate Member
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    yes, he's back!! where you been next time you plan on taking a vacation let someone know we missed your stories..

  5. #5
    Nibbe is offline Junior Member
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    LMFAO

  6. #6
    KeyMastur is offline VET
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    haha......was wonderin when the bike chain would come into play.

    and what in the hell took so damn long ???? haha.....good job.

  7. #7
    Vice's Avatar
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    rofl picturing the guy fly over the lat-pulldown machine...good one

  8. #8
    YZFR6's Avatar
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    Damm I love it! Keep em comming, cant get enough on nobby and the bike chain.

  9. #9
    adaptations's Avatar
    adaptations is offline Member
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    lemme guess....you aced creative writing in school????

  10. #10
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    Nope, he was dropping acid in creative writing in school

  11. #11
    D_BEAR is offline Junior Member
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    that was great

  12. #12
    tt333 is offline Senior Member
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    Nobby and the bike chain, priceless.

  13. #13
    $uperman's Avatar
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    holy shit......i almost poo'd , that was great

  14. #14
    fLgAtOr is offline Anabolic Member
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    So this is what goes on at 4 am in the morning....
    LOL!!!!

  15. #15
    Cycleon is offline AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
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    He had touched Nobby. The end was near, so very, very near.
    That hurt - reading these posts is a good ab workout - I almost snorted all over the keyboard.

  16. #16
    Cycleon is offline AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
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    For that one (and others) you have oficially been bestowed knighthood in the Most Noble Order of the Garter, awarded the Victorian Cross for galant action in the face of danger and made member of the Royal Victorian Order for your noteworthy service to the board.

  17. #17
    nuke is offline Member
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    LOL!!!

    I thought this cat was a dork...MY GOD !!!!!!! YOURE HILARIOUS BRO !!!!


    Dont stop writing !!!

  18. #18
    Strut99GT's Avatar
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    LOL

  19. #19
    T$sMechamT/A's Avatar
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    Rofl, keep them coming

  20. #20
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    Excellent!

  21. #21
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    Man you have totally rejuvenated my excitement for checking new posts,that one was a classic. And congrats on the knighthood good sir.

  22. #22
    shorty2big's Avatar
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    another fine job at some meaningless gym beatings!!!!!!!

  23. #23
    BMANN's Avatar
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    Another one. This guy is hilarious.

  24. #24
    IronFreakX's Avatar
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    AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

  25. #25
    skinnyhb's Avatar
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    holy post from the past batman.

  26. #26
    BIG TEXAN's Avatar
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    Damn I miss Sir Victorians posts!!!!

    WHere the hell is Aragorn? I haven't sen him in over a year.

  27. #27
    needmorestrength's Avatar
    needmorestrength is offline Anabolic Member
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    "Nobby lumbered off in the other direction, stopping only to punch a punk in the face for wearing sunglasses in the gym" lmfao good to see you bro

  28. #28
    RA's Avatar
    RA
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    lmfao...

  29. #29
    alphaman's Avatar
    alphaman is offline Anabolic Member
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    That guy hasn't posted in all most 2 years. Sucks, cause that was absolutely frickin hilarious!

  30. #30
    needmorestrength's Avatar
    needmorestrength is offline Anabolic Member
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    he posts every couple of months. Unfortunatly hes not a whore

  31. #31
    arthurb999's Avatar
    arthurb999 is offline Anabolic Member
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    Nice!

  32. #32
    alphaman's Avatar
    alphaman is offline Anabolic Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by needmorestrength
    he posts every couple of months. Unfortunatly hes not a whore
    his last post was in july of '03.

  33. #33
    arthurb999's Avatar
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    They'd get old if he posted all the time...

  34. #34
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    Ahhh an oldie but a goodie!

    Red

  35. #35
    Juggernaut's Avatar
    Juggernaut is offline AR Jester
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    I wish he was still here....his posts, by far, are the most original and funniest I've ever read.

  36. #36
    BIG TEXAN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juggernaut
    I wish he was still here....his posts, by far, are the most original and funniest I've ever read.
    True...very true.

  37. #37
    livewire57's Avatar
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    My head hurts from laughing so hard, didn't help my hangover at all.

  38. #38
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    Oh God dman that was funny!!!!! The guy is definitely original, I love these posts!!!

  39. #39
    MilitiaGuy's Avatar
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  40. #40
    Juggernaut's Avatar
    Juggernaut is offline AR Jester
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    Quote Originally Posted by MilitiaGuy
    Some of the old ones are worth a bump now and then. We call it humor. hahahahaha

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