11-18-2002, 07:52 PM #1Knight of the Garter and Member of the Victorian Order
- Join Date
- Oct 2002
- England, by Grace of God
Harassed by gym management!! Marvin fired!
The following is a true story.
I have been HARASSED by the management at my gym...a conspiracy is afoot, the goal of which is to drive out all hard-core, train-till-we-vomit barbarians, the likes of myself and Nobby. I have had it, and have contacted my lawyers and am planning a massive lawsuit. Here are the facts of the case:
It all started innocently enough. One evening, during training, Nobby and I went to the water cooler to fill our 2 gallon plastic jugs with water- our old 2 liter bottles were too small. As we were filling our jugs, a woman of about 20, wearing a 'Stop American Imperialism' t-shirt and sporting cropped, orange hair and various facial piercings, stood waiting- impatiently. Finally, she said, in a most displeasing tone, "Look...I only have this little water bottle to fill...would you FUCKING MIND letting me fill this then you two can finish?!'' It was not a request, but an order. "Fill it we shall for you, my dear" I said, and passing her bottle to Nobby, snapped "Fill it to the top, old boy!" . Nobby took the bottle in one of his thick, stubby, dirty hands, grunted, and went to the changing/shower area. "Oh...and I am not your 'dear'!" she snapped. "Yes, my lady, as you say" I remarked, ever the cavalier.
A minute later Nobby returned, and handed the woman her bottle- filled right up- albeit with a warm, yellow fluid. Her face showed initial surprise, then contorted in disgust. She stormed off, and returned with the counter/towel boy- none other than Marvin, our Down-Syndrome challenged friend and a true Iron Warrior. "Expel these PIGS" the woman sneered.
Nobby leaned over to Marvin "Oi, Mahvin, ow abaht it?" he said, grinning, and handed Marvin his trusted bike chain.
Marvin took the bike chain in his hands, trembling with emotion at such an honour, and behind his 2 inch thick glasses I could see true Iron Warrior fanaticism brewing.
Screaming, he turned and whacked the woman across the face with his chain, then chased her around the gym, swinging the chain over his head. Unfortunately, his banzai charge got a tad out of hand and he ran into and old lady, who looked at least 150 years old, and the two of them went flying through the front glass window of the health club and onto the sidewalk outside, where they lay cut and bleeding.
"AWROIGHT MAHVIN! FOOKIN A!" Nobby roared, and collected his chain.
The next evening, the manager approached us and began berating us for 'intimidating' members. I stopped my set of front barbell raises with 185 pounds, and turned to face him. "Please, Sir, do feel at liberty to go fuck yourself", I said. Nobby picked up an E-Z curl bar, and, screaming "YA FOOKIN' BASTAHHHDDD!!" began bending the bar in half with truly superhuman force- then put the now U-shaped bar around the manager's neck, and bent it still further- actually wrapping the bar around his neck! He struggled to pry it apart, but it was of no use, and 15 minutes later members of the fire department arrived to help get the E-Z curl bar off of his neck. The 'jaws of life' had to be used to pry it open. Suddenly, Marvin walked in, bandaged and no doubt out on bail, and the manager turned to him and screamed "YOU ARE FIRED!!"
As we were leaving, walking through the parking lot heading for the Rolls Royce, the manager pulled up alongside us in his car - "I have called the police...you are not to come back ever- do you hear?" he screamed. Nobby and I had had enough of this harassment. He saw the anger in our eyes and floored it, hoping to escape- but Nobby had lifted the end of his car, and his wheels spun to no effect! I seized his car from the side, and promptly flipped it over with such Herculean force that it rolled over 3 times before stopping. Marvin burst out the door, screaming 'ARRGH FUCK KILL" and, brandishing an Olympic bar, began beating on the manager's car, smashing out the windows. As the sound of police sirens neared, Nobby and I took off, leaving Marvin to be arrested and beaten by the police.
They haven't heard the last of us, I tell you!
11-18-2002, 08:12 PM #2
I never know what to expect with your posts. This time a bike chain was swung, a gym manager was beaten, and the cops were called. I can't imagine the next one.
11-18-2002, 09:55 PM #3
always an amusing read...argh nobby!
11-18-2002, 10:09 PM #4
Damn prick manager had it coming
11-18-2002, 10:29 PM #5
Good story bro lol
11-18-2002, 10:32 PM #6
i say, jolly good story chum!
11-18-2002, 11:15 PM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2002
11-19-2002, 01:00 AM #8AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
- Join Date
- Aug 2001
- Wherever necessary
good show old man, here, here!
11-19-2002, 01:03 AM #9
11-19-2002, 01:59 AM #10
11-19-2002, 02:08 AM #11
Keep em coming bro. These stories a great.
11-19-2002, 11:09 AM #12
Always being harrassed by THE MAN.
11-19-2002, 11:45 AM #13
I especially like the accuracy with which he conveys Nobby's accent...classic!
11-19-2002, 12:15 PM #14
Re: Harassed by gym management!! Marvin fired!Originally posted by Sir Victorian guy, V.C.
. "Please, Sir, do feel at liberty to go fuck yourself",
11-19-2002, 12:33 PM #15Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2002
OMG !! BRo yure like my moring cup of java !!! You need to make this a weekly series !!!
"The Chronicles of Sir Victorian Guy "
11-19-2002, 02:07 PM #16
try to get these stories published bro
11-19-2002, 04:05 PM #17
haha...funny shit ya fuggin baastad
04-07-2005, 10:38 AM #18
Poor lil marvin, he is always getting the brunt of it..
Way to take one for the team Marvin. You're a good guy in my book
04-07-2005, 10:51 AM #19
"leaving Marvin to be arrested and beaten by the police" LMFAO hahaha I expect one of these stories every two hours
04-07-2005, 11:10 AM #20
What a beauty.
04-07-2005, 12:55 PM #21
Another good one.
04-07-2005, 01:22 PM #22
leaving Marvin to be arrested and beaten by the police.
08-25-2005, 11:48 AM #23
08-25-2005, 12:48 PM #24
this one was alright
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