3 somes, swinging and girlfriends?

**Nate_Dog** · 12-03-2002, 05:13 PM

OK boys and girls,

I am a young attractive male, now here is the problem -

I have a girlfriend of 2.5 years. She is a great girlfriend, we have had our ups and downs. We have a very active sex life, and it is very enjoyable. Now I have in the past wanted to try different sexual experiences (like adding in other people). I sort of let it slide as it was putting stress on your relationship.

But add some good old test prop into your life and suddenly.... it more than re-sparks your interest.

NOw when we got together we were cool, we talked about it, she was all open, and fun. THEN somewhere she got all mental it changed.

NOw my problem is that this is something I want to do. Sex is not everything but I am a pretty out there aquarian and I never want to limit things that i will try. So what do i do?

If she is not willing to be involved do I leave her, go overseas and get some 3some strange ass action. Then come back and retire a forefilled guy.

She is almost everything I want. So is that reason to stop there? I just invisioned different things.

Well guys/girls?

**Eddyflash** · 12-03-2002, 05:29 PM

Well man... do you love her?? And do you see yourself with her for the long term??? Those are the two questions you gotta ask yourself....

**Nate_Dog** · 12-03-2002, 05:36 PM

yeah... I love her...

but I question it all the time.

**Eddyflash** · 12-03-2002, 06:08 PM

Well why do you question it all the time?? Every shaky relationship has at least ONE underlying problem that never really goes away but instead lays dormant... What is yours??

**Wake Chick** · 12-03-2002, 07:21 PM

I dont think you should leave her just b/c she wont have a 3 some. Especially since you love her and shes what your want in a girl. Dont be so forceful, maybe one night when one of her hot friends is over have a couple drinks and take things from there. Sounds fun to me!!

**KeyMastur** · 12-03-2002, 07:54 PM

Yeah, or just get WC over and feed her a few long islands (& pretend you love motocross). Haha....just messin with ya darlin.

She's right though - just becuase the chick won't give you a 3 some doesn't mean you should ditch her. If you really want to see what one is like - then cheat on her and go find out somewhere - it won't be all that. But of course if it's love and you see yourself in a long term / marriage, then I wouldn't fuck with that.

Easy to find someone to love, but hard to find someone to love you back just the same. Remember that.

**Wake Chick** · 12-03-2002, 09:22 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by KeyMastur
[B]Yeah, or just get WC over and feed her a few long islands (& pretend you love motocross). Haha....just messin with ya darlin.

Hey NOW!! Motocross is the shit, your just jealous that I ride and you don't

haha just playin, how ya been??

**Nate_Dog** · 12-04-2002, 12:50 AM

No see it is not the 3somes... it is her resistance. I need to be with a more wild person or with no one. Just not some stick in the mud. I think i am just a bit out there. A free soul.

See I just wonder if she is too limiting. I understand relationships have boundries and restrictions but I dont like to be held back. I am 23, she is 30. I LOVE older women. But I just dont want my life to pass me by and for me to have regrets about what I didnt do.

**thegame01** · 12-04-2002, 01:22 AM

just take a trip to vegas and pay for a threesome ( the chicks are hot and you get to pick which ones and what turns your crank ( black ,asian mexican ,etc etc )

But deriously sounds like you already have or think you have made your decision.Just think about it bro before throwing away something you may regret some day .If you are really not compatible then it probably wont work but you being wild and her a little tame is normal because of the age gap you could probably learn to compromise .

As far as the 3 some go ,you know how many bro's out there get to say they have done that .It's quite normal for her to not be ok with it .Some women are but very few of them are that comfortable with their sexuality like that and besides to most women sex is about love ( the kissing ,cuddling etc etc ) or at least where i am from (it sucks up here)

Anyways big decision, 2.5 yrs is a long time ,only you can make this decision bro as none of us know your inner feelings

Good luck and let us know
GZ

**m16a2** · 12-04-2002, 01:58 AM

I gotta deal with this kind of situation myself. My girlfriend is the tame, conservative kinda girl who needs to plan everything out. I'm a completely spontaneous person who loves to try new stuff, and ditch plans for fun and excitement. I have run the threesome idea by her, and it was very strongly rejected. But I believe her reason though... she loves me too much to see me with another girl. That's all there is to it. Personally, I value our relationship above my sexual desires. But, like one of the bros pointed out... I think you have already made your decision, so I hope that you just think about the matter before you take any risks or hurt anyone (including yourself).

**The Baron** · 12-04-2002, 04:39 AM

I say figure out where your priorities are. Young pup that you are, you have plenty of time to find the woman you will get old with. If a more substantial sex life is more important than your current relationship, I say do the ultimatum thing and dump her. Ultimatums do NOT work, but at least you will have given her a chance.

I am in a long term poly relationship, but the girls were already a couple when I met them. In fact, they are legally married. (one is TS) and we often go to our local swing club, or pick up stray babes to play with. Frankly, I would not be able to adjust, and would certainly not be satisfied with just one woman, and I am 43 and NOT currently juicing, so I can certainly understand your situation. It is natural for a woman to desire one man, as an evolutionary thing, becausee those that did, survived, and their offspring survived and passed on those genes. Men, on the other hand, desire to mate with as many women as possible, so as to pass on more genetic material. It is perfectly natural, therefore, for there to be conflict, then, over shit like that.

You are just gonna have to figure it out. But remember, if you dump her (or if she dumps you) that is par for the course because it is highly unlikely that you would be with her forever anyway.

**Nate_Dog** · 12-04-2002, 05:04 AM

Originally posted by The Baron
because it is highly unlikely that you would be with her forever anyway.

See I am with the baron. I am not about this kind of fantasy, hollywood love crap, I am realistic... life sucks sometimes and realationships take a fair ammount of effort. I mean I am affectionate and love to cuddle, but I am realistic, people change, people grow apart, life goes on.

I am not one of these loosers that meets a girl in high school and marries her and we live together happily ever after! Wish I was but it isn't me. (hope i don't offend anyone). If i did that how would I know that she is the one? Where is the life experience in that?

I love to be in a secure relationship, I am a softy, but hell I am not sure if I am up for retirement yet. I would love to explore.... with my partner, but if she is wanting to hold me back,... then it is only a matter of time before we will end our relationship. PErhaps we could get back together at a later stage.

I just hate restrictions, i am a twisted little fucker that likes to try new things... I do not fit the mold of normal.

Anyway as my friend said "There is so much unchartered pussy out there".

My girl is a lovely girl, but i think I will grow tired of restrictions.

The reason I wrote this thead was to hear from other people that have been in the situation. Especially other girls opinions.

So fire away!

**123A** · 12-04-2002, 05:22 AM

I've been on the other side of the table, i was dating a girl last year (+-2yrs) which was very open minded, and to cut a long story short, she was into the 3 some game, now before i met her, i classified myself as a free spirited sxual male, and would love(d) a 3 some, but, let me tell you when it came down to the crunch, it was an eye opener, it was all fine upto the time, and it was for me very uncomfortable, and after thinking about it was because i loved this girl, so my advice 2 anyone that wants to explore the 3 some, rather do it with someone you don't love, its a lot easier to handle IMO
this is the main reason we are not still together.

**Big Al** · 12-04-2002, 05:58 AM

At 23 you don't sound ready for a long-term commited relationship, and no thats not a critism, I wasn't either, have you fun when your young, when you find the right person you will do most anyhting for them and no you won't want a threesome, think about it if she was the girl for your life you wouldn't want some other guy fucking her in front of you, would ya? well I know some people like that shit but hey thats fucked up lol

in short, split up ride the wave and settle down when your ready, at 23 there's a lot to experience and it really helps when you do find the one you want to be with cos you have no regrets, you have done what needs to be done, and then you can enjoy sharing your life.

PEACE

**Babyweight** · 12-04-2002, 10:16 AM

awwwwww Nate, your feelings are sooooo normal believe it or not. But from what I can see in regards to your quote "invisioning different things". Maybe you do need to explore a little more. Especially at your age.
If you have hopes of wanting her to be someone she's not, well then I don't think it will work. A woman in her 30's usually knows what she wants, (well usually), anyways, I just think it takes a certain kind of woman who would want to get involved with that kind of entertainment. One that is extremely secure with herself sexually. And... In all honesty.....That is VERY FEW women in our society today.
Also....you mentioned mental.....you know woman can get psycho and not even see it coming. We will say one thing, and say "awwww that is fine, we can have a threesome", and then in the end it can screw everything up because of our insecurities.
We mean truely well..... but it doesn't always turn out that way... check out the odds.

All in all, I think we sometimes try to make you guys happy and even though its not what WE want, we will do it anyways, and it just ends up making us more upset, and that is when your guys think we're psycho.
If I really wanted to get deep about the evolution thing like someone else mentioned, this post would last forever.
My theory...Men and woman just don't belong together...lol We think completely different in EVERYTHING.
I was watching a show a few months ago, (can't remember which culture, probably the majority of other countries), I think it was somewhere over in Africa..where you have people who love one another, and people who have sex together of course for offspring. You would have the lovers, whether it be two women together or a woman and another man who really cared for the other one would always be together.. They'd, hold hands, converse, have dinner, but never had sex... The people they had sex with, was for SEX only and to produce offspring. They didn't care particulary for that person or even enjoyed being with them...They mentioned the US was one of the few countries who were into monogamy. Which most cultures think is a joke. Soooooo, be it as it may....lol..... Follow your heart, and if it leads you to want to try other things then you should....But I would still try open up to her one more time, she may be a little more open minded than you think.....Just a little scared, thats all.
Spontanaeoity is the best...don't plan anything, just arrange your surroundings.......

Then let me know how you did, so I can do some arranging myself!
Baby

**Cali** · 12-04-2002, 02:32 PM

Babyweight, your posts impress me.

Nate,she's right about some women going psycho without seeing it coming because of insecurities. And "arranging your surroundings"...good job girl!

And I think Big Al has a point about not having a 3some with someone you love. I can see a lot of hurt feelings surfacing in a relationship from it. It's all fun and games when it's just sex, but if someone actually has feelings for anyone else in the group it can really complicate things.

Whatever you decide good luck and have fun.

**Nate_Dog** · 12-04-2002, 05:14 PM

Thx for the reply guys and girls.

Baby well said. You touched on many topics that influence the siuation.

I think that it is perhaps something that i need to get out of my system. I have experienced many strange things in 23 years, but there are certain "normal" things I have missed out on. In part because I have had a few long tern relationships.

It is hard, I get worried that I will leave her and regret it for ever. I know this is unlikely but it is a very large fear. But again it is no reason to stay. Plus the city I live in is an ABSOLUTE JOKE for meeting fun attractive girls to hang out with. I have mates to hang out with, but I get a lot from female energy.

I enjoy her company like you would not believe, but she has travelled to 23 countrys and I have travelled to 3. I cannot live of her life experiences, I need my own. She has a girl so travelling the way I want to is just out of the question. I just can't stand the idea of missing out on things that other people are doing. I like to experience things so I can break them down mentally.

I know it is a matter of time before the travel bug fully bites me ND I m out of here. There are just some loose ends i need to tie up first.

Babyweight want to come hang out in Australia with me? I need an intune female to converse with about things i cant talk to me girl about.

Guys I know these posts seem to be going around in circles but it is just a rather hard topic when feelings are involved.

**The Baron** · 12-06-2002, 03:40 AM

Originally posted by 123A
I've been on the other side of the table, i was dating a girl last year (+-2yrs) which was very open minded, and to cut a long story short, she was into the 3 some game, now before i met her, i classified myself as a free spirited sxual male, and would love(d) a 3 some, but, let me tell you when it came down to the crunch, it was an eye opener, it was all fine upto the time, and it was for me very uncomfortable, and after thinking about it was because i loved this girl, so my advice 2 anyone that wants to explore the 3 some, rather do it with someone you don't love, its a lot easier to handle IMO
this is the main reason we are not still together.

Well, I am very much in love with both of my wives, but we still enjoy "the lifestyle". It adds, rather than detracts from, our relationship. One of my wives likes to play with other guys, and the other, and myself, enjoy playing with other females. In the right setting, where it is understood that this will happen, it causes no problems with any of us. Occasionally we pick up another female to play with, and that can be a bit awkward because you are always wondering what you should do and to whom you should be doing it for everyone to have a great time, but again, it adds to our relationship and makes it stronger.

YMMV, of course.

**Iron horse** · 12-07-2002, 10:24 PM

I had a 3 some last summer, me and the gf were hitting at 40 of vodka with her best friend. then some weird game where they got me to take off my shirt, then it went from there..

it was great fun, but I dont think about it much anymore at all really and it hasnt been tha tlong ago. I love my gf, and I even feel bad about it since I think it hurt her afterwards.

my advice, you KNOW how she'll feel after its all gone and done, so base your decisions on that. Is it really worth it? I forget it happened all the time so it couldnt have been that special??

***Sicilian30*** · 12-07-2002, 10:34 PM

One thing I have realized now that I am much older, isn't sex is everything. Quality is soooo much better than quantity. but hey, when I was your age, I did it, and it was fun, but to say I would do it again::::
HELL YEAH.. LMAO.
But it is not something I think about all the time, maybe because I have done it, and it doesn't spark my interest anymore.. who knows. I think I would rather have a fine azz woman who shags like a mink, than two girls anyday..

**Nate_Dog** · 12-08-2002, 07:30 PM

Been away for a few days.

Interesting how much peoples feelings on the subject can vary.

I love my girl I just hate people trying to hold me back. Its is being told I cant do thigns that piss me off. I am sure other free spirts will understand.