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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1
    Vice's Avatar
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    Joke of the day

    A BOY'S PRAYER

    One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers
    "God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."

    Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon
    forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died.
    About a month or two later the father heard his son
    saying his prayers again "God bless Mommy.
    God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."

    The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father
    was getting more than a little woried about the whole
    situation. Two weeks later, the father once again overheard
    his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."

    This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack.
    He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work,
    so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through
    lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home.
    He was still alive! When he got home he appologized to his wife.
    "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."

    "You think you've had a bad day?
    YOU THINK YOU'VE
    HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled,
    "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"

  2. #2
    Terinox's Avatar
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    Nice!

  3. #3
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    Little Johnny leans in sunday school that if you pray real hard to god, then your wish may be granted...

    That night when he wakes up to go pee, he walks past his big sisters room and sees her naked on her bed vigorously masturbating and saying "God I need a man, oh god I need a man! oh god..."

    The next night he goes for a late piss again and as he passes his big sisters room he sees her in bed with a manly stud riding her for all she's worth.

    "Holy shit! god answers prayers!" Little Johnny thinks, and he runs straight to his bed, strips down starts fondling himself and says "Oh god I need a new bike, and a new playstation, and..."


  4. #4
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    A priest took a vacation to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his
    trip, he hooked a monster fish and began fighting it. A few minutes
    later the guide, holding a landing net, yelled, "look at the size of
    that Son of a Bitch!"
    "Please, my son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for."
    "No, Father, you don't understand" explained the guide, "That's the
    species of fish you have on; it's called a 'Son of a Bitch' fish!"
    "Really?" asked the surprised priest, "Well then, would you please
    net the Son of a Bitch?"
    Once the fish was aboard, the guide marveled at its size. "Father,
    that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen!"
    "It really IS a big Son of a Bitch" the priest beamed, "What should
    I do with it?"
    "Why, eat it of course. I promise, you've never tasted anything as
    good as one of these Sons of Bitches!"
    Elated, the priest headed home. While unloading his fishing tackle
    and prize catch at the church's back door, Sister Mary appeared and
    inquired about his trip.
    "Take a look at this huge Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest gushed,
    opening his ice chest.
    Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father, such language
    from a priest!"
    "It's Okay, Sister. According to my guide, that's the species of fish
    this one is: it's called a Son of a Bitch fish."
    "Oh, well then...what are you going to do with that huge Son of a Bitch?"
    "Eat it! My guide said they're great!"
    Sister Mary then informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to
    visit in a few days. "Why don't I clean that Son of a Bitch for you,
    and we'll cook it for this special occasion", she volunteered.

    On the night of the Pope's visit, everything went perfectly. The wine
    was fine, the fish excellent.
    The Pope leaned back from his plate and said, "This is absolutely
    marvelous fish, where did you buy it?"
    "We didn't buy it, Your Holiness; I caught that Son of a Bitch!"
    proclaimed the proud priest.
    The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
    "And I cleaned and cooked the Son of a Bitch!", exclaimed the Sister.
    The Pope looked silently at each of them. Glancing around the dining
    room, he saw they were alone. A big grin spread across his face as
    he leaned across the table and whispered, "Go get us some more wine.
    You motherfuckers are my kind of people!"

  5. #5
    Shredz is offline Respected Member
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    these jokes are funny as hell...You guys are out doing me gotta see what I can come up with!!

  6. #6
    FireFighter's Avatar
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    little buckwheat was in a spelling bee and the teacher asked him to spell dictate. D-I-C-T-A-T-E says little buckwheat... the teacher then asks him to use it in a sentence... "Yo baby how did my dictate last night"?

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  8. #8
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  9. #9
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    That is the Funniest fucking joke I've heard in a long time... LMAO

  10. #10
    Terinox's Avatar
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    That "son of a bitch" was HILARIOUS!!!

    hahahaahhaahhahahahahahahaha

  11. #11
    BigMike J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trianon
    A priest took a vacation to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his
    trip, he hooked a monster fish and began fighting it. A few minutes
    later the guide, holding a landing net, yelled, "look at the size of
    that Son of a Bitch!"
    "Please, my son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for."
    "No, Father, you don't understand" explained the guide, "That's the
    species of fish you have on; it's called a 'Son of a Bitch' fish!"
    "Really?" asked the surprised priest, "Well then, would you please
    net the Son of a Bitch?"
    Once the fish was aboard, the guide marveled at its size. "Father,
    that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen!"
    "It really IS a big Son of a Bitch" the priest beamed, "What should
    I do with it?"
    "Why, eat it of course. I promise, you've never tasted anything as
    good as one of these Sons of Bitches!"
    Elated, the priest headed home. While unloading his fishing tackle
    and prize catch at the church's back door, Sister Mary appeared and
    inquired about his trip.
    "Take a look at this huge Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest gushed,
    opening his ice chest.
    Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father, such language
    from a priest!"
    "It's Okay, Sister. According to my guide, that's the species of fish
    this one is: it's called a Son of a Bitch fish."
    "Oh, well then...what are you going to do with that huge Son of a Bitch?"
    "Eat it! My guide said they're great!"
    Sister Mary then informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to
    visit in a few days. "Why don't I clean that Son of a Bitch for you,
    and we'll cook it for this special occasion", she volunteered.

    On the night of the Pope's visit, everything went perfectly. The wine
    was fine, the fish excellent.
    The Pope leaned back from his plate and said, "This is absolutely
    marvelous fish, where did you buy it?"
    "We didn't buy it, Your Holiness; I caught that Son of a Bitch!"
    proclaimed the proud priest.
    The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
    "And I cleaned and cooked the Son of a Bitch!", exclaimed the Sister.
    The Pope looked silently at each of them. Glancing around the dining
    room, he saw they were alone. A big grin spread across his face as
    he leaned across the table and whispered, "Go get us some more wine.
    You motherfuckers are my kind of people!"
    :LOL: That's hilarious

  12. #12
    Fooboy's Avatar
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    haha

  13. #13
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    The "Son of a Bitch" and the "D-I-C-T-A-T-E" joke were fuckin great. lol. Heres mine guys...If you woke up in a tent, didnt know what happend the night before and had vasaline all over your asshole and a sore butt would you tell anyone? STOP right there and think about this for a second before you answer............................................ ................................................If you said "NO!" My question is this , do you guys wanna go camping?? hahahhaa

  14. #14
    Da Bull's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireFighter
    little buckwheat was in a spelling bee and the teacher asked him to spell dictate. D-I-C-T-A-T-E says little buckwheat... the teacher then asks him to use it in a sentence... "Yo baby how did my dictate last night"?
    Fuckin' great

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